Quantum is when two things at the same time

Schrodingers ears

I'm in a superposition of knowledgeable and ignorant until you ask me something, in which case I produce either a good or a stupid answer, depending on various random factors such as whether I'm versed in the general topic, happen to know the specific subject of the question or just get lucky with guessing.

(This analogy breaks apart if you consider the possibility of giving a mediocre answer that's neither accurate nor entirely stupid, which probably makes it the perfect self-defeating counterexample)

I'll send you some spooky action from a distance

See this cat he is Schrödinger‘s cat if we place a cesium atom in the box with him we don’t know if he’s alive or dead

…. Did you just kill a cat?

No that’s where your wrong we don’t know if he’s alive or dead.

Are you planning on taking him out?

No.

So you’re going to kill a cat.

But we don’t know if I have killed a cat or I’m going to kill a cat.

Have you done this before?

…. Well yeah.

So you have definitely killed cats.

Well no I never took them out of the box so technically they could be alive.

You’re sick.

Is it some kind of exponentially decreasing probability amplitude curve?

I thought I knew what quantum was, but.... then I realized it was time to stop listening to Spirit Science because if QAnon isn't a good enough sign that this shit isn't leading to enlightenment, nothing this,.

Quantum makes sci-fi go brrrrr