this post was submitted on 01 Oct 2024
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The Internet in Ancient Times

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Welcome to the stone age... or the bronze age... or the iron age... heck, anything with an 'age' is welcome, except our modern age or any ages to come.

This is about what the internet was like thousands of years ago back when it all started. Like when Darius the Great hired mercenaries via Craigslist or when Egypt invented emojis.

CODE OF LAWS

1 - Be civil. No name calling, no fighting, keep your flint hand axes inside your leather pouches at all times.

2 - Keep the AI stuff to a minimum. It gets annoying and old fashioned memes are more fun for everyone.

3 - None of this newfangled modern 21st century nonsense. We don't even know what "21st century" means.

4 - No porn/explicit content. The king is sensitive about these things.

5 - No lemmy.world TOS violations will be tolerated. So there.

6 - There is no ~~rule~~ law 6.

Laws of justice which Hammurabi, the wise king, established. A righteous law, and pious statute did he teach the land. Hammurabi, the protecting king am I. I have not withdrawn myself from the men, whom Bel gave to me, the rule over whom Marduk gave to me, I was not negligent, but I made them a peaceful abiding-place. I expounded all great difficulties, I made the light shine upon them. With the mighty weapons which Zamama and Ishtar entrusted to me, with the keen vision with which Ea endowed me, with the wisdom that Marduk gave me, I have uprooted the enemy above and below (in north and south), subdued the earth, brought prosperity to the land, guaranteed security to the inhabitants in their homes; a disturber was not permitted. The great gods have called me, I am the salvation-bearing shepherd, whose staff is straight, the good shadow that is spread over my city; on my breast I cherish the inhabitants of the land of Sumer and Akkad; in my shelter I have let them repose in peace; in my deep wisdom have I enclosed them. That the strong might not injure the weak, in order to protect the widows and orphans, I have in Babylon the city where Anu and Bel raise high their head, in E-Sagil, the Temple, whose foundations stand firm as heaven and earth, in order to bespeak justice in the land, to settle all disputes, and heal all injuries, set up these my precious words, written upon my memorial stone, before the image of me, as king of righteousness.

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[–] MisterNeon 18 points 1 month ago (2 children)

In my day all we had to play with were heavy rubber balls that we would hit with our hips. I've heard Teotihuacán doesn't even have a ball court, yuppies!

[–] FlyingSquid 14 points 1 month ago

No ball court?! How do they keep the sun in motion?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Balls? In my day we played it with severed heads and liked it!

[–] FlyingSquid 5 points 1 month ago

How is Scotland these days?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Tbh using severed heads doesn't exclude balls...

[–] fan0m 9 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Pretty sure they’re wheels. You could put a leash on it and drag it as if you’re walking a dog.

[–] FlyingSquid 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Kids these days are too obsessed with technology. They're just going around with their new fads while life flies by. When I grew up I just walked around and enjoy life!

[–] FlyingSquid 5 points 1 month ago

I just can't keep up with today's society. I miss the good old days when we were all hunting and/or gathering.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Wha-eels? Do those come from the river?

How can it walk without moving the legs?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

Ankle shields? To protect the dogs ankles from even smaller dogs?

[–] spittingimage 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

A cursed object! Those circles obviously represent the disc of the sun and the animal is a demon stamping it into the sea. I recommend anointing your eyes with the blood of a sacrificial bull so they don't get possessed by ghosts. We all remember what happened last time.

[–] FlyingSquid 5 points 1 month ago

Man, their children are hardcore!

[–] owenfromcanada 6 points 1 month ago

Some sort of deformity? What a strange shape.

[–] AbouBenAdhem 6 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I think it’s a toy meant to warn children about the hazard of leaving rolling objects underfoot. Imagine how fast you’d yeet off if you accidentally stepped on one of those rolling discs!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (2 children)

What are at the bottoms of its legs?

A pox on our society! They're a crutch! Kids spend so much time on these things, and they never learn to walk or run properly! Why, back in my day, a man could run all day using only his feet, and travel all the way to the next village! Now with these "wheels," kids are lazy. Sure, they get there faster, but they're stuck on the roads and can't travel through the jungle.

They're all going to grow up with atrophied legs and soft, squishy feet. It's a corruption of society, I tell you.

They should be banned.

[–] Dasus 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

And don't even get started on the weird coverings they wear on their feet. "Aww the ground is so hard" they complain.

Bunch of soft-footed wimps.

[–] FlyingSquid 3 points 1 month ago

So... do they ride on the dogs? Sorry, I'm still not getting the whole concept.

[–] Rolando 3 points 1 month ago

It looks like a flat boulder that's been tied down somehow. Probably been cursed by the gods. Avoid them.