this post was submitted on 21 Jul 2024

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Breaking the ice (lemmy.world)

submitted 5 months ago by The_Picard_Maneuver to c/funny

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[–] [email protected] 72 points 5 months ago (4 children)

It’s cute because they ended up together. If they didn’t end up together this would read as a stalker story

[–] chonglibloodsport 41 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Unless he realized she wasn’t interested and left her alone after that! That’s the normal, healthy thing to do!

[–] Entropywins 12 points 5 months ago

People seem to forget that's the normal thing to happen.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago (1 children)

It's unsettling how common that sort of story is, and it's always something of a boast, too. "I never gave up! I ate dinner at the diner she worked in every night until she agreed to go on a date with me, and now we're married!" Even as a "success" story, it's not exactly great to think that the only reason they are together is because one partner "wore down" the other.

[+] [email protected] -9 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (3 children)

Dude is probably good looking so it doesn’t count as stalking

Edit: guess I’m showing my age and people don’t remember this video

https://youtu.be/PxuUkYiaUc8?si=C40nEKUWygbZyMVp

[–] Bunnylux 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Stop being an incel

[–] Soup 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

There are plenty of traditionally good looking men, and women, who are considered to be creepy. It takes slightly longer for people to acknowledge it but it absolutely happens. There are also many people who are “neutral” where their attitude flavours their looks. If they’re creepy they’re sleezy and if they’re respectful they’re put together.

To be honest the “ugly” people I know who’d be considered creepy very quickly a) are being creepy and b) haven’t even attempted to make themselves presentable.

[–] hoshikarakitaridia 1 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Polar opposite experience for me. The guys who look creepy are quite nice and there's some absolute assholes who are pretty. Ofc the other way around as well.

In my opinion looks say zero about a person and there is no significant correlation between being creepy and looking creepy. Same for looking authentic and being authentic. Honestly I experienced a small correlation in the other direction, but not enough to be informative.

[–] Soup 1 points 5 months ago

I think we’re agreeing so I just want to clarify:

The person I replied to was sounding like they were saying that the world allows traditionally hot people to get away with normally heinous stuff. It’s partly true because we absolutely, on instinct, will judge people on appearances(many have learned not to act on those feelings so quickly and that is a good thing).

I was trying to go against that by pointing out pretty much exactly what you said which is that there are many traditionally attractive people out there labelled sleezy or creepy or whatever else by their peers i.e. they aren’t getting away with it based on their looks. I’m not sure why agreeing statements are “polar opposite”.

My point about “ugly” people was to give my experience with people who claim that all people care about is looks are often pretty crappy people as well and to acknowledge the fact that no amount of being a good person will make up for a lack of hygiene and that is something that can be controlled quite easily(a semi-decent haircut, shaving if your beard sucks and keeping it neat if you have one, etc. are all easy and reasonable things to expect, for example).

Extra:

I personally find that being somewhat neat and deliberate isn’t even about whether or not I like the chosen style but instead about simply being turned off by people who look like they wouldn’t notice a crusty kitchen counter or nasty smell. It’s like a car. I would 100% rather drive or be a passenger in a tidy(doesn’t need to be spotless) Nissan Versa than go anywhere near a dirty BMW with crumbs everywhere and bits of garbage on the floor. I want to trust that the stain I see was cleaned as much as it could be and won’t transfer onto me.

[–] fsmacolyte 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

What matters is the signals she gave him and how he read and responded to them.

If she gave signals of "please leave me alone" then whether he's creepy or not depends on how he responded, regardless of how he looks.

Him being a positive and personable presence near her over a stretch of time, especially if she gave signals of being in the neutral-to-positive range towards him, is fine. The most important thing is that if he eventually shot his shot - and the response was "no thank you" - that he accept this answer gracefully.

Lots of women actually prefer to meet guys through their social circle because it's an easier way to meet guys who their friends can give their own impressions about and who are less likely to be assholes. It sounds like it turned out well here, although we're missing a lot of information.

[–] [email protected] -2 points 5 months ago

Not gonna read that novel because it was a joke my man

[–] III 3 points 5 months ago

This always reminds me of a comic I saw a long time ago. Two girls are gossiping and one talks about this guy that smiled at her (like packing her groceries or something) and she said he was creepy and stalking her. The next few frames show those same girls recognizing a guy sitting in a dark car watching them through the window and gush about how cute he is and it's so sweet that he is so into one of them. I can never find the comic... but yeah, it's all down to how the other party feels.

[–] [email protected] 50 points 5 months ago

I showed this to my wife and she said "Quit following me everywhere, you creep!"

[–] [email protected] 35 points 5 months ago (2 children)

The comments on this are weird. Dude had a crush and talked to her. She must have invited him to things and now they're married. Everyone talking like he wore her down or wouldn't have stopped if she was disinterested.

Dudes do be creepy, though, but let's just leave this story be, ok.

[–] Demdaru 20 points 5 months ago

Exactly! My partner did this to me and it worked. How else were they meant to, dunno, begin existing in the life of the other party, aka stop being a stranger?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago

It's easy to misread as stalker/abuser behavior, as it's worded simply and without context, and something like 40% of women will have to deal with a stalker at some point in their life.

There's a big difference between "I had a crush on her, she invited me to a thing and her friends liked me and now we're married" and "I wrote down the times this girl got out of work and when she went to the gym so that I could follow her and hit on her there, and then I infiltrated her group of friends with the intent of getting closer to her" but it's easy to accidentally make the first sound like the second unintentionally - especially when people are primed to watch out for the second.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 5 months ago (1 children)

The night I met my fiancee, we were both working in the same building. It was just a chance meeting, we made smalltalk for a bit, and then went back to work. About 10 minutes after she took the elevator to the next floor, I went to the other end of the building, and took the other elevator up a floor, hoping to "casually" catch her to chat some more. When the doors opened, she was right there. That'll be five years ago in two weeks

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago (1 children)

How did you spark it up though? I would've been like "how's your day" or some basic shit like that.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago (1 children)

She actually approached me. She'd overheard me talking with another coworker about Star Trek, so she asked me about it. When I caught her after, I offered to stream a couple of TNG episodes and watch them with her, and I gave her my phone number. We got really lucky with compatibility right off the bat. In that same conversation, we found out we have the same favorite video game

[–] pyre 8 points 5 months ago

meeting your wife over star trek of all things. that's cool.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 months ago

Maybe she married him for the tax benefits. Dunno, she might still not be into him…best he hedge his bets…

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

"Good morning Julia."