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Women were talking about men in general. Some men took it as though they specifically were being targeted. If women don’t feel comfortable running alone at night because men can be predators, men in general should listen. When I hear that, I don’t take offence. I’m with you, I’ve never done anything. But we should be trying to figure out ways that women can feel more comfortable around men. Women shouldn’t need to feel like they have their guard up, and listening is the first step.
I am listening, and what I'm hearing is that I, as an innocent person, am a source of terror for someone I've never met because of a fact of my biology that I have no control over. I have no ability to change the feelings of someone else, because no matter what, those feelings are only able to be changed by the person feeling them. I can say I'm innocent and not a threat until I'm blue in the face, I can act as non-threatening as I possibly can, I can leave women alone in public. None of that matters because I'm not the one with the power over those feelings.
No. You’re not a source of terror. But people don’t know that. They just see a man. The issue isn’t with you, it’s with common experiences women have had with men.
There are so many bears that don’t hurt humans. But humans carry bear spray just in case the one they encounter is dangerous.
And that's exactly the problem. I'm not those men. I have no intention of acting like those men. Yet I'm still scared that I'm going to get pepper sprayed anyway just for asking a woman for directions.
You're afraid that a woman might pepper spray you if you scare her, while she's afraid you'll kill her if she upsets you.
Unfortunately dangerous men don't wear signs around their necks. They just look like normal dudes. It's the false positive vs false negative. A false positive results in the woman walking away and maybe an awkward moment between two people. A false negative can result in being raped and/or murdered. That's really what it boils down to. Women just want to stay safe.
Buddy, you're throwing off such strong "nice guy" vibes you're squicking me out, and I'm a 50-something year old, hairy, straight dude!
That's on you, pal. I don't feel entitled to anything but the same basic respect I give anyone, man, woman, or otherwise. All I want is not to be looked at as an existential threat just for existing and I really don't think that's unreasonable.