(original art by Herta Burbe)
this post was submitted on 15 Apr 2024
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me_irl
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Soul mates are such nonsense. You're trying to tell me that out of what, 7 billion humans now, exactly one of them is my soulmate? Yeah no. Even if it was even a 1 in 1,000 chance the odds suck. You're gonna need to lower them expectations bub.
A lot of people don't realize relationships take work.
It's two people who click and both compromise.
When things get difficult you shouldn't stew in it. Don't cheat or rebel. Open your fucking mouth and talk to your partner!
Be open and honest with each other.
Be open to compromise (this means to meet each other halfway. Not cave in or only your way).
Only after talking things out should you both decide to make a major change like moving on (or even an open relationship).
I think online dating is absolutely killing that part. When you have an "unlimited" buffet table in front of you why would you ever think you need to compromise at all?
It's one of the 2537251728 reasons I loath what online dating has become... You aren't searching for someone you're swiping for someone and there's always that next swipe that could be "the perfect one" so you pass up the people who have one or two minor insignificant things, hoping the next swipe will be 100% of what you want.
I've been ignored by people I could swear were my identical twin as far as personality and compatibility and I haven't the slightest idea why other than a bad picture on my end or something, hell maybe my initial message didn't read like it was written by Hemingway, I'll never know. All I know is I've read conversations about why people pass and some of the shit is absolutely insane...
I think that’s more of a problem with hookup apps. When one side of the party is just there to get laid, it doesn’t matter what the other party wants in most cases, the “relationship” is never going to take off.
Dating apps tend to be more focused on “who could you see yourself spending your life with”, which is pretty similar to how IRL dating used to be. Most people likely aren’t searching for perfect.
The first two sentences stung. That's exactly what I feel is true, but the girl I love dearly dumped me to look for her soul mate. Her exact words were "I like you, but it's too much for me at the moment". Fuck life :(
I got "you're the kind of guy I'd want to marry but I want to see who else is out there."
Same situation, I loved her to death. I really don't get some people... If you're so happy with someone that you'd want to marry them then who cares who else is out there?
my head canon is that relationships are just friendships with extra steps.
It's literally no different.
Relevant xkcd https://what-if.xkcd.com/9/
Yeah expecting one person to fill every role is unhealthy if even dangerous in relationships. It’s enmeshing and codependency. An unhealthy power dynamic. Plus with sexual intimate relationships they often end in the most traumatic way where ghosting is pretty much expected. At least that is pretty common in our swipe culture and divorce leaving a person in a mess. Meanwhile with friends at least you have a network of friends whom you all fulfill different aspects and they don’t challenge each other. You can still have a sexual relationship with someone but it is less impacting on the whole of the person. Having one piece for the dog and another piece with someone else seems entirely much more healthier dynamic on maintaining a whole. That is after all what the other pieces are doing too, they have other things that fulfill different aspects of themselves. It doesn’t have to come from one and only one other person. That is pretty much how our society is put together too. Everything around us are maintained by multiple people doing multiple jobs.