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What are your experiences with polyamory, first or second hand? (feddit.nl)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by [email protected] to c/asklemmy

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I personally am in a phenomenally stable polyamorous relationship. I've been married to my wife for 12 years, and she has had the same boyfriend for about half of that time. It's a really fulfilling arrangement for all of us in various ways. We're all genuinely happy and satisfied. I'm kind of casually looking for a boyfriend of my own.

But I feel like I only hear negative stories about other poly experiences. It's always unstable people and situations. It's always two out of three people happy at most. Surely there are other success stories out there, and I just hear the disasters because they're more memorable and fun to tell. Does anyone else have or know a polyamory success story?

EDIT: This blew up a little while I was asleep. I promise I'm at least reading every comment.

EDIT 2.0: ngl I did not expect the trope of polyamory to fix a struggling relationship would be so real. We did just the opposite and are both baffled. Don't use volitility to fight the volitility.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (2 children)

DO NOT ADD ANOTHER PERSON BECAUSE OF YOUR FAILING RELATIONSHIP

It's insane to me that this apparently must be said by multiple people with massive emphasis. We only considered this because our relationship was and still is so strong. We just met really young and have a lot of love to give. I don't want to lose my wife or have had only one great romance in my life. She didn't want marrying a woman to mean she would never experience men again. So we share the incredible bounty of love in which we live.

[–] thezeesystem 3 points 1 year ago

My general rules in a polyamorous relationship. Well guidelines as rules are so just off putting. But as long as it's consensual equitable and pleasurable for all involved, it's ok.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I'm a bit older than my wife, but your point rings true - we also met fairly young, and went through some stuff. That's probably a meaningful part of how and why we are who we are.

Meeting my wife fairly young meant that I got the raw, unfiltered version of her feelings and was able to compare/contrast that with my behavior - and improve it. That led to trust allowing discussion of involving others, and an understanding that neither of us is going anywhere / associated trust.