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What are your experiences with polyamory, first or second hand? (feddit.nl)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by [email protected] to c/asklemmy

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I personally am in a phenomenally stable polyamorous relationship. I've been married to my wife for 12 years, and she has had the same boyfriend for about half of that time. It's a really fulfilling arrangement for all of us in various ways. We're all genuinely happy and satisfied. I'm kind of casually looking for a boyfriend of my own.

But I feel like I only hear negative stories about other poly experiences. It's always unstable people and situations. It's always two out of three people happy at most. Surely there are other success stories out there, and I just hear the disasters because they're more memorable and fun to tell. Does anyone else have or know a polyamory success story?

EDIT: This blew up a little while I was asleep. I promise I'm at least reading every comment.

EDIT 2.0: ngl I did not expect the trope of polyamory to fix a struggling relationship would be so real. We did just the opposite and are both baffled. Don't use volitility to fight the volitility.

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[–] controlshiftn 42 points 1 year ago (2 children)

God, this thread is a breath of fresh air. Every time the topic came up on reddit, you had the same core of bitter whiny losers reciting the same archetype of the rejected and resentful guy stuck at home while his GF was out 'cheating' on him, and insisting that this was the reality in every single case.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm mono myself, but it's nice to read various experiences here of poly relationships.

I personally think i'm too selfish to survive in a poly environment though, and also I'm not really that interesting of a person in general - preferring time alone mostly.

Poly requires a ton of trust and communication, so for me it would fall down quickly with the wrong kind of partner(s)... especially as it takes me a while to trust others

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I actually consider myself a selfish person. But I experience huge amounts of compersion. It makes me so happy when good things happen to the people I care about. It's selfish of me to want more than one partner and to revel in my wife's other relationship. But I'll be damned if senseless or traditional moralizing is going to stop me from being or making people happy.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Omg yes. This is the primary discussion of polyamory, and it drives me crazy. None of that common description looks like my life.