this post was submitted on 19 Oct 2023
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You've clearly never been married and have no idea what you're talking about. Hiding secrets and saying it's impossible not to is the most destructive thing you could do to your marriage. On top of all, hiding assets from a spouse during a divorce amounts to contempt of court and carries a penalty and additional legal battles and expenses. Please don't recommend anyone to do it.
I'm just going to assume you (as I am) are a man. For women, this is a very real concern, and is still a somewhat common issue. I know two women if my family who were married for 10+ years before their partners had a sudden, violent change. For one of them their partner managed to empty all of their savings, and leave the country. She literally had to couch surf at 50 because she had nothing, and hadn't kept her own savings.
Sure but it's always good to keep a backup/bug out plan.
I would absolutely keep enough money set aside to at least get an apartment and furnish the necessities immediately. That's smart.
Then find a partner who is okay with having separate bank accounts that you can keep your own money in. It doesn't have to be a secret.
Right, so they can use the law against you and take it from you? Threaten you with violence until you give it?
Man y'all are very trusting lol
Why be in a relationship if you can't trust people at all. Better be alone then.
Like.... Legitimately I'd rather be single and never worry about it, rather than be that terrified of something like that.
Can it happen? Absolutely. I can name two people I know personally it happened to.
But to just assume that everyone is like that, and that the person you place your trust in will betray said trust and to think otherwise is stupid....... Like.... Just stay single then and stop trying to make other people as miserable as you?
I trust my wife, and I trust our separate bank accounts. If I need something, she sends it. If she needs something, I send it. My parents have their own accounts, as well as a joint account. They set all three up at the same time when they moved to the state.
Someone who mistrusts every single person to that degree, including their own spouse, is in need of therapy, because something needs to be worked out. And therapy works.
Therapy costs money too and she will need it when she is fleeing the abuse. Having a cash stash just in case, that's not big enough to be illegal or "hiding assets" but is enough to walk out the first time he hits her, instead of getting trapped into a cycle of abuse that leads to her death, is prudent for any woman. You're definitely speaking from a man's lived experience but just because you've never been made aware of it doesn't mean it's not all around you. Women literally put their life on the line in most heterosexual relationships. The person most likely to harm or kill a woman is not a stranger but her husband or boyfriend. And it's often the man who most vehemently argues against the idea, and says the woman is doing something wrong by hiding money, that she's not trusting enough or wanting to cheat, who will violently turn on her in rage one day for those same imagined affronts to his ownership of her. Which he'll deny right up to, and even after he does it. You want loyal, get a dog. Having a chance to escape is what makes staying a free choice.
You can trust people, I just advocate for a backup plan.
Thats what you can structure your seperate solo account that only you have access to to be then.
Why would you stay in that relationship at that point?
Point would be you wouldn't. Hence the secret bugout fund.
Dont get married then. Seriously. That level of background distrust is toxic to a relationship. Understandable? Sure. Healthy to act on? No
You are correct, that is smart.
Too bad financial intelligence isn't the only factor at play when it comes to a relationship.
That's a lot of money in modern times.