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What is a personality trait that you’re working on? (self.asklemmy)

submitted 1 year ago by Lemmylefty to c/asklemmy

30 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I’ve become aware, as I get older, how my initial emotional reaction to conflict isn’t always fair and is usually pointed backward, defensive and angry. I also know that I do better if I have time alone to process how I’m feeling, and often by the time I’m done things have moved on.

What I’ve been working on is to stop using excuses - the moment has passed, I’d just be dredging up the same argument, I’ve had this conversation in my head a bunch but they never turn out exactly right - and just go back to the people involved and tell them how I feel because they deserve that effort. There have been disagreements I’ve had where I wasn’t in the wrong but the other party did something I can admire and appreciate, and it doesn’t hurt me any to say that.

And it never ends with what I imagine is “argument perfection”: a point by point discussion of intent and action and history. Which is silly because life is messy but it gets better and I and others grow more patient and willing to move forward if I’m not always bracing for a blow.

That’s…probably a bit confusing, but it’s been something I’ve been mulling over, so…what personality traits of yours are you working on?

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I'm trying to cultivate a stronger sense of kinship/kindness towards complete strangers. My natural impulse is to take on an adversarial/defensive/judgemental stance towards people which is unhealthy. For example if someone cuts me off in traffic I just assume they're a terrible person - but I have to remind myself that having this reaction only makes my own life more unpleasant. Things work out better if you assume the best in people.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I like that approach where you just assume that the person who cut you off REALLY has to poop and is rushing to get to the bathroom 😄

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