this post was submitted on 19 Jan 2025
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You did escape it.
I don't know any long-term couples who have not been cheated on. Straight people especially.
As a culture we are expected to find a partner, and feel like failures if we don't.
Because people are fucking idiots.
As a culture we used to expect angry people to use leeches to remove blood, or perform exorcisms on people that were mentally ill.
Fuck those expectations. Cultural attitudes can be wrong.
You didn't fail, you avoided anguish. Being single is far, far better than being stuck with someone because you felt like you had to.
The frustrating part of it is that humans are social creatures. So while it can be less stressful alone and less painful in certain ways (like never having someone cheat on you), it can be lonely is all.
In-person friends are better than a spouse because it's expected to take breaks from time to time. Go travel, or hunker down. Then reconnect with them later. With a spouse you're not allowed to do that, and it erodes the value of the relationship.
To make in-person friends, I go to public places where I'm comfortable, and act respectfully.
I've had five or six long term partners and they've all turned into selfish, entitled children after the honeymoon phase ended. I'm telling you, it's overrated.
That's a fair point. I have honestly never really sought out a partner before so I don't have much experience. But I do have experience with the disappointment of losing friends and/or not being able to do much with a friend because they have to prioritize their family above all else. It's perfectly understandable and not done in an argumentative or problematic way, but it does hurt sometimes. People grow apart from their friends as their friends' priorities and distances change.
So I've been more recently attempting to seek out a significant other because I want a friend who we will mutually prioritize and who won't be dipping out because of their children or otherwise drifting apart or etc. I don't even care about or want sex. I just want to have an equal.
It's maybe wishful thinking on my part. But that's my goal.
Never having intimacy or any type of relationship in these 35 years of my existence disagree with you. Yes, I would take being cheated on if that means breaking this black hole. Having something is always better than nothing.