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I'm a pagan.
Had Christian upbringing since I remember, so would consider myself Christian most of my life, was a real firm believer for more than a few years as well. Was in my late 20s when I really starting poking on those believes critically and it just crumbled. I still believed there is something more. Weirdly, I didn't really deny the possible existence of Christian god - I just refused him.
I was in this weird limbo for years - not an antheist, not Christian, not really religious but believing there is something more on spiritual level but didn't do anything with it because I couldn't identify it. Kinda afraid of Hell, but also didn't want to suck it up and return to Christianity just out of fear (realized I had quite enough of it as a kid).
Then I randomly read something on modern paganism and something just clicked for me. Looked into it more and it just felt right.