this post was submitted on 12 Nov 2024
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I feel the need to put this on its head.
What if the girl, after whatever time they spent relaxing realized she truly enjoyed his company and decided she wanted to keep him as someone she can spend time as a person and not a sexual object?
Well then neither of them is getting what they want.
Sad but probably true.
Well I guess he will find out based on whether or not she ever contacts him again.
Really though this does seem like the kind of thing where "it's because you're sexually repulsive" only seems like the obvious explanation because of insecurity brainworms.
It's a very common conclusion among men. Before I finally met my gf at 23, I thought the same thing. Getting friend zoned left and right and pushed away while everyone else is whoring all day everyday for as far as you can remember makes you feel like an expired rotting piece of shit. Sentences like "You're too good, you deserve better", "Someone must like you, you're great!" or even sentences from older women like "Oh, girls must like you." just start feeling like thinly veiled insults, like everyone is making fun of you, even if they aren't.
That's gotta be rough. Those comments sound like they carry the same accidentally-condescending energy as telling a confused kid, "Oh, don't worry. You'll understand when you're older."
I mean, yes that's probably true, but it sounds dismissive of one's concerns and does nothing to allay the frustration they're feeling now.
Unfortunately, I'm not sure what the right response would be. Or maybe there simply isn't one?
Yea no clue, it's tough. What finally helped me out of it was me being lucky enough to have a good friend that connected me with a like minded soul. Turns out I was just surrounded by assholes and broken people and needed that jump out into a different community. It's why I feel especially bad for these incel types, because I fear if I didn't have that friend, I'd be the same a couple years later. They feel abandoned and they might be right in a weird twisted way. But without a healthy path to improve and actually achieve meaningful connections with people, it's just fucked.
I only realized I had near exclusively toxic relationships in my circles after starting college and meeting decent people. It was a rough adolescence and wrecked my sense of self worth for nearly two decades.
I think a common conclusion in general, I dated a woman once whose mind went to that explanation constantly for all kinds of things and it was basically always a distorted picture of reality. I think people just don't get needed validation due mostly to arbitrary bullshit and the world sucking and that makes it easy to buy into toxic self hating memes.
If that was the case, why bother with all the build up? And why sugar coat it? Even sex workers are in their right to deny a costumer.
This ^^^ It would also hurt a lot less, than letting the poor guy guess what she's thinking.
i will never understand the inability for people not to have amazing sex with their friends
Anon couldn't have sex with a friend because anon wanted to have sex with a prostitute.
I don't want to have sex with my friends. I know where they've been.
Anyway people's relationships are complicated, there's plenty of people I like who I do not find attractive.
Somewhere along the line, when you finally meet the person that truly meets all your expectations for a life together, your friend:
Oh no my current partner has had sex before with someone and they are grown up enough to still be able to talk with them. /s
But for real though, it is more a green flag for me than a red flag.
The above is oversimplified and written to elicite a chuckle but most people aren't that comfortable with having another human being (I don't discriminate; just aiming for the most probable scenario) their significant other used to pork on a more or less distant past staying around. Most will have doubts about their relationship and its heading. Or even worst.
Monkey brain and pride computes around "If they porked in the past, did they stop completely or is it a come and go situation?" Humans are strange creatures.
So you don't trust your partner then? I've had ex's that I remained friends with and they had ex's that they remained friends with. As long as no one's an asshole about it it's fine. The fact that you used to sleep with someone doesn't always mean you're just waiting for an opportunity to jump on them again.
I trust the person I'm with and I've met the person dating them before me. I didn't felt threatened or insecure; I see myself as a passing shadow through other peoples lives, which is quite liberating. If I manage to gain a prolongued stay, as I have, good, if not, good as well.
So then what's there to be uncomfortable about with them remaining friends with an ex?
For me, personally, nothing. For most, apparently, a lot.
Definitely agree with the humans are strange creatures. Wasn't also specifically pointing at you and indeed more the general consensus.
I just understood there was room and need for me to clarify my position and view, so I took the chance.
But we are, indeed, a strange bunch.
🤢🤮
Why do some men think that is an acceptable term for sex? It's so degrading. Or is that the point, to compare sex to fucking a piece of meat?
That was you'll take away from that comment?
They make a fairly good point that you seem to be ignoring
Pick whatever synonym you prefer and read it in place of.
I personally dislike "fuck"; sounds purely physical and unemotional, aggressive, quasi mechanical, like scratching an itch.
While "porking" sounds silly, goofy, almost nonsensical. Something two people attracted and trusting of each other would blurt out as teasing.
The first carries the same weight you vocalized on your reply for me, only that I don't apply that disgust solely towards men. I can tolerate a "fuck" as an expletive towards anything in a figurative way (fuck the traffic, the car, the coffee being too hot, the iced tea too sweet, the dog peeing on the sofa, the cat throwing up on a shoe) but I sincerely dislike saying or hearing said "fuck" in the literal sense. It's crude, rude, disrespectful towards the other.
Do women who you 'pork' like you refering to fucking thrm with that term?
I only use euphemistics if there is an established relation and consent to it.
At some point in my life I was with someone that had a kink for being called by terms I consider demeaning towards any human being, so I openly refused to do so and explained why I did it. The relationship ended shortly after.
Because I see sex in a couple dynamic as a corner stone for a healthy relationship, I always strived to be open about talking regarding limits, dos and donts. I like enjoying myself before, while and after being with my partner and making sure my partner does as well and laughing and goofing around is an integral part of it.
So, if there is mutual trust to throw around some silly dirty talk, yes, to answer your question, I would.
I just want you to know that your comment wasn't blatantly disrespected at least by this internet stranger.
It's a thoughtful reply to some asshat that was asking you questions in bad faith, he was not open to a different point of view from the outset.
And also that's pretty awesome stance to take. I wish more folks were this mature about their relationships
If somehow letting out all of that vitriole helped that person in feeling relieved and with their views asserted, good for them.
I sleep at ease with my conscience, as I didn't insulted them, regardless of what they felt or thought.
Thank you for your kind words.
How is 'pork' an acceptable term for sex though? The euphemism you are implying with it is literally to 'fuck a piece of meat'. And pig meat at that.
This is not a cute or light hearted thing to imply when talking about sex. 'Fuck' is far less offensive a term for sex than 'pork'.
But sure, whatever, if the women you fuck do want sex with them to be spoken about like you're sticking your dick in pieces of pig meat, then by all means.
Just understand that it is disgusting and degrading to speak about sex this way publicly and you should really be more called out on it.
After that outing, that I sincerely hope has made your peace, I consider myself as such.
this is such a grossly uncharitable interpretation you can not be serious right now
"This is how I see how. so it is how it is for everyone.
So it is written, so shall it be"
Ramses, or Aksamit?
"Thanks for giving them the experience needed to satisfy my sexual needs"
And any partner of mine in that situation would be like cool… 3some? And everyone has fun
Considering that this kind of soft unspoken rejection is the same tactic women use to lose pickup "artists" and other perceived predators or just unwanted people, if in anon's shoes, this is the moment I'd consider running away for my own peace of mind. In my experience, it's a good idea to not stick around people that reject you on the basis of being "too good".
Very roundabout way to do it.
As I stated in another comment, even sex workers have the right to refuse a customer.
From my perspective, this is the kind of approach/behavior that feeds stalkers and worst.
I'm a bit confused by your comment, but I think we agree?
Sex workers absolutely should reject someone if they don't want to. But this kind of "hell yes, but fuck no" shenanigans just leads to a lot of headaches. I'd say in any context.
We agree.
I'm betting that this is exactly what happened. That girl, in all probability, has been treated like meat most of her life. There's a nontrivial chance that she's a victim of some kind of abuse.
So having a real connection to someone who doesn't just treat you like meat, and is only interested in what she can do for/to them, is probably very different than the interactions she normally has.
It's sad, but likely true.
You just keep going on with that fantasy. I'm sure it'll give you some enjoyment in the dark of the night.
Meanwhile in the real world anons who treat girls like they're some kind of sex vending machine don't come off as friend material. Their intentions are very obvious. I think it more likely she just didn't want repeat business.
Then she apparently chose wrong cause that anon is an A class douche bag who only saw her as and easy way to get his rocks off.
I think it more likely she just didn't want repeat business from this particular customer. But who knows? (other than the girl of she's not just a figment of a deranged imagination)
Not to put too fine a point on it, but you can do both. That's the entire idea of having a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Yes and no.
I swing more towards the direction of a non-sexual relationship of any kind.
Then I'd imagine you wouldn't be a neighborhood prostitute and run an onlyfans.
Although I shouldn't presume.
No, you should not. But everyone is in right to their opinion.