Unpopular Opinion

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Apologizing for something you already knew was wrong seems pointless. (discuss.online)

submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by [email protected] to c/unpopularopinion

13 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I’m pretty sure I’m in the small minority here but I personally feel like apologies are a better fit for accidents and miscommunications. If you steal from someone, cheat on someone, intentionally harm someone, etc. saying sorry doesn’t do much for me because if you were sorry, you wouldn’t have done it in the first place. I appreciate the apology, but that doesn’t move me. Trust is always regained through actions, not words. Perhaps you could argue that a person has a “change of heart.” Maybe that might make the apology more valid. But idk

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Ofc I would forgive. Notice in my statement I said I appreciate apologies, they just aren’t my main factors for rebuilding trust. If it was me in your case I would accept the apology and leave it at that. I probably would’ve been more interested in understanding why she felt the need to act like that in her apartment than the actual apology. But I’m glad your situation worked out

[–] shalafi 1 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Maybe I'm naive, but I would have fully trusted her after that apology. Again though, that was a few years later. I would not have trusted if she laid that down after a week.

Wondered for years about that scene. Wasn't far out of my punker years, may have been wearing my motorcycle jacket or some such? Didn't feel like a fish out of water though, not like I was dropped into a formal ball and everyone else was wearing a tuxedo. (But I can jam to that if need be!) Didn't feel wildly outside my economic circle, just a group of 20-somethings at a house party. All very strange to be rejected so.

Writing all that may have given me an epiphany, so I thank you for the opportunity to relive this! We were both heavy drinkers at the time. Maybe she sobered up and was at the "apologize to those you've hurt" stage? Even if that were the case, still doesn't diminish her bravery, though maybe she had a little practice by then? :)