the light hasn't reached is yet

The light will never reach us, space is expanding faster than light between here and there

See my response below to Captain Aggravated about how dilute those large stars are.

It's an interesting question whether anybody would actually feel spaghettification 😁 I actually don't know. You can use physics to calculate the proper time derivative of the tidal forces, but you need biology to define the start (and end...) of the process. My intuition says that it probably happens too fast, so once the tidal forces are strong enough to be perceptible, they grow strong enough to rip you apart before you realize (again, just a hunch).

Right? How can you not know it?

Hmm, am I in the star yet? I mean my body is now made of million degree hot plasma, but I'm still not sure....

Black homes are so massive and heavy that they bend light (well, technically every piece of mass does, even yo momma). It's bend so extreme that that accretion disk appears warped.

A similar thing happens with neutron stars that can also bend light in such a way that you can actually see part of the back of the star (if you were able to see it anyway, it would be dark) as light that would be emitted from parts of the back would warp around to the front where you could see it

Yep, you got it right. The accretion disk is actually really flat. Those images are produced in simulations that take into account the curved (and very complex) paths light takes in the vicinity of a black hole. These images really depend on the angle between the line of sight and the disk.

The second one. The image is simulated as how an external observer would see it. It was firstly done for the Interstellar movie.

Or is it exactly like saturns rings but we see the whole ring bent round the top because a black hole bends the light around so we can see it?

Hit the nail pretty hard on the head there

Yes, but red supergiants differ from the sun in that their photospheres are extremely dilute and don't have a sharp transition to the corona. I don't know the details of this particular star but take Betelgeuse as an example (it's probably not particularly large for this catrgory), it's radius is ~640 the sun's per Wikipedia, which gives a volume of ~260 million that of the sun. But it is only x15 times as massive as the sun, so on average ~20 million times less dense.

In the case you are unlucky enough to encounter the black hole "heads on" and fall into it radially, the proper time timescale to spaghettification is the size of the event horizon divided by the speed of light. The most supermassive black holes will have a horizon of around one light day, so that's what we're working with, a matter of days. If you come in on the most tangential orbit possible though, I guess you're buying some time but I've never heard that it's supposed to take many years of proper time (I doubt that claim a little bit, but haven't calculated myself).

They are quite similar to electromagnetic waves, but also quite different. They are produced by masses accelerating (just like EM waves are produced by charges accelerating), and indeed cause orbital decay. But this orbital decay is only important in relativistic systems (so the Earth, which is orbiting the sun at 0.0001 the speed of light, is not going to fall into the sun because of gravitational waves).

I highly suggest you look up PBS spacetime on YouTube. They have an incredible amount of very informative videos on black holes and gravitational waves. As well as pretty much any other astrophysics topic you can think of (and many you can't!)

Gravitational waves do cause orbital decay as the energy required to create them comes from the objects own momentumn.