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This right here.
Being a man isn't about strength, or appearance, or body count, or power over others.
It's about accountability, honesty, resilience (NOT bottling everything down), and meaningful effort.
Yeah it might not be the most physically attractive all the time, but I see my purpose in life to make sure we all have better so that we can all do better.
Walz joining the VP has really given me a new sense of courage I've been lacking lately, and I'm really happy to see others recognizing it to.
One of the few things that I disagree with in your statement and, really, it's down to semantics. The are more types of strength than physical strength. There's strength of character, there's emotional strength, and more. But, like physical strength, all of these can be "exercised", for example contemplating ethical quandaries can strengthen one's character and ethical self-identity.
While much more abstract, I do find "strength" in this usage part of my model of masculinity.
Now, about this:
I guarantee that to someone, you absolutely are. Remember that practically noone just "sees" another human being, they perceive them. Our visual perception is NOT raw data. It is filtered by the context, real or imagined, that we associate with the person that we're looking at. It's the combination of all this in a non-straightforward manner that will impact how physically attractive someone finds us.
You know what I was saying above? Yeah. This is exactly the kind of thing will influence how you are perceived, even visually.
I'm sorry that you've been feeling less courageous lately. The world can fuck us all up from time to time. If it gets too severe, I'd definitely recommend seeing a therapist, if you are comfortable and able to do so (and aren't already).
A therapist, really? I mean anyone would benefit from a therapist at any time but the slightest downturn at any moment isn't a sign of some severe problem that needs solving.
Suffering is completely normal and a true necessity if you are striving towards any sort of development of "self".
Most of what's commonly referred to as "western" society does not typically see things that way, though. That's part of why I personally think normalizing therapy by suggesting it regularly to people, even ones who don't currently have "serious" problems is so important.
Many of us did not get the "tools" necessary to deal with simple normal every day parts of life like suffering (in any degree) from either our parents, from people around us, or from society at large.
That also means stuff like
Might deter someone who could otherwise benefit.
You got it exactly. Normalizing taking mental health and self-care as important and necessary parts of life is necessary to undo damage done by toxic societal values and expected gender norms. If someone is just having a bad day, they're going to know that they don't need therapy. If, on the other hand, they have been internalizing a lot of dark feelings or have untreated disorders, someone suggesting it might be enough for them to say "hey, you know what, maybe I'll give that a try".
Why not? Noone should feel ashamed of needing a bit of help, if they need it. My mention of it was not a demeaning "go see a therapist, crazy" or anything toxic like that but a suggestion that it's worth exploring if things are hard to handle.
That will depend on your philosophy and what you define "suffering" to be. Yes, we need challenges and the like in life to give us stimulation and impetus towards self-discovery. However, I would much rather noone have to experience the pain and trauma that I have experienced and try to do my best to support others towards that end. I don't by into the idea of needing to experience a painful and challenging life to make something of oneself. There's plenty of people who are successful without experiencing traumatic events. There's also plenty who are left entirely broken due to their traumas.
- Alexis Carrel
Therapy is the hammer and the chisel
Aww, man. Are you telling me my Cawl O Doodie K/D ratio won't impress the girls‽‽‽
/j
Not with those rookie numbers.
I see masculinity as a bit of a spectrum -- there's traits a lot of men share, but not all men necessarily have them, and women can have them too, and that doesn't make anyone lesser.
Helping people, protecting people, being true to yourself, conducting yourself with honor. That's what I see as masculinity. I guess in some ways, it's the idealized perfect knight haha
The ultimate fictional portrayal of the journey of toxic vs nontoxic masculinity is Zuko and Iroh. And what does Iroh teach Zuko and us? Manliness/masculinity isn't defined approval, its defined by acceptance. To be a "man" isn't about using violence in showy ways for the sake of being acknowledged. To be a "man" is to accept and love people, including one's self, for their true nature. If violence is to be used, it must be in this context. Violence should never be used by a true "man" for anything other than protection. Violence can be wielded when it is to protect ones own true nature, or to protect someone else who doesn't have the power to protect themselves from a domineering situation. The ultimate conclusion of this is asking the question of what emotions is a true "man" allowed to access. We are shown through Zuko that the only emotion the toxic culture is allowed to access and control is anger. We are shown through Zuko how hard it is to transition out of this culture of anger and violence and toxic masculinity. The ultimate conclusion to both his arc, and the arc that Iroh went on before the show, is that true power comes from accessing the entire emotional spectrum that dwells within and turning this into power. True "manliness" is more than just anger and violence. True "manliness" is passion. That passion can be rooted in anything. We watch Zuko learn that he can draw power from joy, sorrow, and empathy. Toxic masculinity is Zuko's origin story: pure hatred. True masculinity is Zuko's finale: empathy so strong and so powerful that he sees one of his greatest torturers as sad, tortured, broken girl; one that if he returned her lightning to her he would lose the part of himself that he'd cultivated and grew to love.
Very well said. I think that might be why a lot of people (or me at least) relate to him so much, even if our fathers didn't burn our faces and exile us.
There's something very relatable about Zuko's journey, and you've put it into words perfectly. I like how you pointed out that true manliness is passion, which is what we see the true origin of firebending is. Passion and drive. Feeling your emotions with all your heart.
As a small caveat, I do think Zuko was ready to redirect the lightning at Azula, and potentially kill her, the circumstances just weren't right. However, I think after he sees her breaking down, he wouldn't ever do that. Like you said, he realizes she's broken and hurt and abused too. I think it wasn't until that moment though that Zuko really realized it.
As a side note, this description of masculinity actually reminds me a bit of Gurren Lagann too. Manliness comes up a lot, and in the end, the series makes the argument that manliness is about tenacity, passion, protection, and creation. And it isn't something that's just exclusive to men either. Early on, the protagonist becomes stuck in grief, and it's only after he accepts the sadness and emotions that he really comes into his own.
Already, very, very well spoken! Thank you for that!