Crazy Ideas

Why are we'all in such a rush, anyway? If you need to talk to someone right away, we got video conferencing. If you, in an emergency, really need to move somewhere fast, there's helicopters. I say we just consign the whole 'car' idea to the dustbin of history, and just convert everything over to canals. If some insist on speed, we can consider adding a train system. But the only means of private mechanized transport must be by watercraft! That should be enough.

So I was thinking about how absolutely terrible this planet is right now. And now the republicans control everything. It's going to get soooooo much worse.

And as I thought about ways to make life better, I hit a roadblock. Every idea I had went like this:

"Oh, we could start doing this, and then this and this would be like this......oh.....but then republicans will just do that and that and that, and the whole thing is ruined."

And now repeat that same formula for every idea I came up with. So I came to a new conclusion. If we're going to beat them, we're going to have to beat them at their own game.

We're going to have to take their ideas, that we KNOW are bad ideas, and do them waaaaaaaaaay farther than they intended. We're going to have to start doing things we know will turn America into a third world country.

We're going to have to do things that make evdn republicans say "wait, no.....thats TOO much!!!"

Now back in the 60s, corporate america tried painting hippies as some evil menace to society who contributes nothjng to their community, while being leeches.

So I say, we go full force the opposite way. We go out into the streets with bats and chains, and grab old ladies, and beat them until they add $40,000 worth of goods to their cart on amazon.

They want us to spend spend spend, well we will pick one company, one evil company that does not give two shits about the planet or humans, and we FORCE people to spend 3X their life savings, and go into debt, and we go into debt too, and this one company has 100% of the nations total economy. I nominate nestle. They clearly don't give a fuck.

Now ladies, you've seen how republicans want to take away your right to an abortion. So lets go the other direction HARD. Instead of fighting for abortions, women will now rape men. I want to see swarms of women hunting the streets, and seeking out semen to have more babies than would ever even be feasible. We're going to get the scientists together on this. It's technically possible to get pregnant with 6 kids at once. It's highly rare, but it does happen. Like 0.000001% chance. We're going to make that 100% chance. Every pregnancy will now result in a minimum of 6 kids, every 9 months. And the day you can walk again, you're getting pregnant again with another 6 kids. We'll start impregnating women at 12 years old, and not stop until they die......which based on how worn their bodies will be, might be as early as 23. I want to see each woman pumping out hundreds of kids in her lifetime.

And if a man tries to refuse to have sex, or can't produce semen for any reason, we chop off his dick! No recreational sex. Sex is to happen all day every day with every not-pregnant woman. Every man will have hundreds of kids he's never met, and had to pay child support on.

Now all these kids will create a new industry for things like childcare, and clothing and healthcare......none of which we'll spend a dime on. Remember, only nestle. All hail nestle!

So all these kids will be hungry, and dirty, and diseased, and probably in pain. That's how they'll grow up. And they'll repeat the process too!

Murder is now legal. Go nuts!

Now as far as global warming goes, lets make everybody homeless, and every building burned. Lets burn our homes. Lets burn everybodies homes. Lets burn the businesses, the city hall, the airports, the oil refineries. Lets burn everything. Set the whole country on fire.

Now this country faces a gun problem, and that gun problem is there simply isn't enough guns. We need to have every American with no less that 56 guns. EVERY American. Old Americans, young Americans, toddlers, the blind, every single person should have all the guns.

Lets solve the illegal alien border crossing problem by making Mexico with its cartel crime ruled landscape seem like a paradise. Make Americans the illegal aliens in Mexico.

No more dogs. Dogs are banned in America. I don't want them suffering in this land we're going to create. Canada, you're going to get some dogs.

We're bringing back slavery. Not just black people this time, but ALL Americans. We're all slaves now. Being whipped by nestle.

And hey, we're always open to new ways to destroy our country. We'll have a suggestion box.

How does this help fix the republican problem? Oh, fuck......welp. Too late now.

The vote of the electors is on Dec 17th. Their refusal to vote for Donald Trump, while potentially illegal, would actually be binding. The incoming Congress could still flip the result back, but that would also be illegal. The states choose electors and the electors choose the President. Full stop.

So how would we convince electors that are almost always party loyalists? Give them a preview of a Trump presidency. Deport immigrants NOW (or preferably they GTFO on their own), raise tariffs NOW, stop enforcing regulations NOW, start Trump policies right NOW! Make this the worst Thanksgiving in a decades and make Christmas look just as bleak. Once he's in the only way Trump will leave is voluntarily (ha!) or if one of his hirelings stands up to him.

Ok, so NASA needs to buy a construction company. Then, we get a space rocket, fill it with construction materials. Fill it with guys who work in construction. Then they build as much of a warehouse as they can before their oxygen tanks run out. Then they come back to earth. Replace the oxygen tanks, and send another rocket with more construction materials, and keep building that warehouse.

Then keep doing that until they're done building the warehouse. Now, the next trip there they can ship them with tons of oxygen tanks instead of construction materials.

So now they can stay up there longer than a few days. Now they can ship another rocket with construction materials, and food, and supplies.

And when it gets there, now we have a warehouse to store all of it. And now they can start building houses. And they can bring plants to create oxygen. Bring some trees to plant.

Now you have roads, and houses, and empty communities. So if you don't like earth, you can leave.

...........I just need to figure out a way to create water on the moon.

Ok hear me out!!! We craft a saddle that is streamlined with the shark allowing for proper movement. Then you tranquilize it and strap that baby on. Then attach the rod on the saddle that leads the shark. Afterwards add raw fish and ride that shark till it exhaust. Boom slightly submissive shark.

Then it takes away to gain their trust and actually become a fully or nearly fully obedient shark.

Ok, so it's about a woman in her late 20s, who starts hearing demonic voices. They don't tell her to kill anyone. They just sort of live in her head, tormenting her emotionally.

They say they're someone who she used to know. But because of her, this person committed suicide. So now their spirit lives on in her head.

So she's trying to work her office job, as this voice is just like "Ugh, you still tslk to Steve? I can't believe he still works here after what he did at the christmas party. What a creep..."

And so every episode she uses clues that this voice unknowingly gives up about who they are to go visit who they think the voice might be. Just to check if that person is still alive.

Gender isn't certain. Nothing is certain. And then it's not evfn clear if this really is a paranormal event, or if she's just skitzophrenic.

But every episide, she goes and visits a person from her past. And every episode that person is still alive.

Like seriously, time is money right? I'm sure most people can relate to wasting time on numerous applications before ever landing a job. If they set that into law, employers will probably be much less likely to reject applicants, and even when they do, you still get paid for your wasted time.

Edit: I'm not particularly referring to the application part alone, I'm referring to application + interview = rejection. People should get paid for someone calling you in, only to end up wasting your time. Hell, I could have spent that time better at the sperm bank.

Let's make elections TRULY interesting. Our current system strictly prevents any vote totals from being released until the last polls have closed at the end of election day. I say we do the exact opposite. Let's publish vote totals for every election LIVE!

When you vote early or send in an absentee ballot, it may be counted early, but currently those results are held secret until the last polls close on election day. Instead, let's have states and counties publish online live running totals of votes as they come in! Also we can invest in more rapid ballot-counting equipment so that election day results can be published minute-by-minute. Election day will be a mad dash with both sides competing live against each other, against a ticking clock with live vote totals that anyone can see. In close races, both sides will be running around with their hair on fire trying to find a few more votes. You might even see elaborate vote strategies; for example one side might deliberately reserve a chunk of voters until the 11th hour, just to make their opponents overconfident.

Elections are far too boring. Let's publish live running vote totals and turn them into a spectator sport! Embrace the madness. Embrace the beautiful chaos. Turn election day into something people can watch like a sporting event. Let's publish election results as they come in!

A big theme I feel this version addresses is (well earned IMO) mistrust in the government and justice system.

I believe multi-seat STAR and sortitionate judiciary benches will go a decent way towards as many people feeling like electoral outcomes are fair and that they have at least one representative they feel they can trust as a confidant as possible, and that as many people can trust that federal cases are being tried without any judicial activism playing into seating and jurisdiction selection.

I also believe a dual-parliamentary system will go a long way towards removing the "do or die" feelings towards each election since now there isn't a single big boss at the top who can wildly swerve the direction of the nation based on the whims of whichever camp was more dissuaded from turning out that cycle.

So it would be one of those 5 second ads. You get a white guy with a 12 inch dick, to wear the Burger King mascot costume from 2008. The one that used to sneak into womens beds as they sleep, and surprise them with sausage sandwiches. You know the one. Except you leave the fly zipper open so the dick can hang out.

Then you get ANY porn model female. As long as she has a good O-face for 5 seconds.

And then you have the audio. It's like a stomping on the bleachers sound of 20,000 people all doing it at the same time. To the rythem of Queen's "we will we will (rock you)".

Except you never get to the lyrics. It's just STOMP-STOMP-CLAP repeat repeat repeat repeat.

And the first stomp sound is shown the burger kings dick going into the woman. It's accompanied by the stomp sound as he thrusts, and the lyric "FUCK"

The next stomp is shown as just a close-up of the Kings gigantic plastic head. And the stomp noise, and the lyric "KING!"

The clap sound is just a shot of the kings testicles swinging mid-thrust, and the clap sound with the lyric "NUTS!"

And then it repeats, except on the second loop the "NUTS!" shot is a jar of "Burger King brand Fucking Nuts!"

Then it loops 1 more time, because rules of 3, and this time the word NUTS is a shot of a big bowl of nuts in the foreground, as king fucks this woman in the background.

So the whole thing is each shot is like 1/2 a second, and it's just STOMP STOMP CLAP STOMP STOMP CLAP STOMP STOMP CLAP. With the lyrics "FUCK KING NUTS! FUCK KING NUTS! FUCK KING NUTS!"

And then the 5 second ad is over and you start watching whatever porn you clicked.

Forget grand corruption. I want to see some small-time thievery from our presidents. If we're going to have a criminal president, I want them to be less "mobster," and more "meth addict."

Become president. Procede to start a four-year personal petty crime wave. Break into people's homes to just to steal their televisions. Break into construction sites to steal copper wiring. Habitually steal catalytic converters from cars parked in the Pentagon parking lot. Offer the proceeds of your crimes to a local charity, in cash, just to break into their office at night and steal it back.

Oh, and after each crime, issue a formal pardon to yourself, completely absolving yourself of criminal liability. Also, don't forget the best part. As you embark on this wave of petty crime, you'll have Secret Service protection! So even if someone does catch you, in broad daylight, laying on a dolly under their truck, stealing their cat with a sawzall, they won't be able to even get near you! The Secret Service will prevent anyone from being able to physically stop you! Hell, you can break into people's houses at night, just to rough up the place!

We'll cover all our bases and hire people of all faiths. We'll have tens of thousands of people praying to boost our science output. It's sure to work!

Your campaign slogans will be things like:
Whelp, we invented crocks. I think we're done here.
The fact we built ChatGPT proves we need to be sent back to the Stone Age.
We've had a good run. Time to quit while we're ahead.
Time to see if nuclear winter cancels out global warming.

When campaigning, promise that you will only do one thing in office. Upon taking the oath of office, you will immediately demand the nuclear football and order the launch of the entire US nuclear arsenal, all at once, in a completely unprovoked first strike against every other nuclear power and against every national capital on the planet.

In debates, your answers will be simple and direct:
What will I do about our falling education standards? I'll start a nuclear war!
What will I do to ease America's tax burden? I'll start a nuclear war!
How will I improve racial justice in the country? I'll start a nuclear war!

Bonus points if you can get a bunch of friends together and assemble a whole fleet of them.

See who yells back POLO!!!!

Here's what we do. We schedule a Lemmy meet-up. In BOSTON. And then we take a picture with all the half naked and drunk people all spilling their beer!!! Then, we wait until there's a domestic terrorist situation happening in real time, and we direct the police to arrest a completely innocent man based on absolutely no facts.....but we FEEL like it's him.

Yeah! That's the ticket!

and its' drivers work only under Windows ME for no apparent reason.

So maybe Waldo shows up at an orgy, or a strip club, or a rave. Maybe he's doing his taxes. Maybe he's at the Jan 6th riots.

The possibilities are endless!