Am I the Asshole?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sea-Craft-220 on 2023-06-24 10:55:33+00:00.

I (24F) have a couple of friends who very recently had a baby (as in 2-3 weeks ago). I waited for them to get out of hospital and adjust a bit to their baby (about 2 weeks). I know that new parents just want to enjoy their time, try to rest and adjust to life with their new child, without any guests, yet I wanted to give them a small baby welcoming gift.

As such, I bought a few baby bath items and contacted the parents to ask if it would be ok by them if I can come to their place and hand in said gift at their door. I wouldn’t enter the apartment, just a 2-minute stop at the door and I’d leave.

They said that would be perfectly fine and then invited me inside, despite me insisting I didn’t want to be a bother. Now I’m getting sh*t on by my own mother for bothering them when all they want is to rest, and I’m low-key questioning if I was an a-hole. AITA?

Edit for clarification: I waited for them to be ok with visitors before asking if I could quickly visit.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ObsessedMurderino on 2023-06-24 07:42:29+00:00.

My (f35) birthday was a week ago. Since I work a lot right now I didn't plan anything, thinking I could invite some friends and families out for a simple lunch picknick or something later.

When I got home from work on Friday afternoon, I was surprised with a small gathering. Some of my friends had planned and cooked for a BBQ in my small garden. It was absolutely lovely. Food was delicious, drinks lovely and cute (non alcoholic cause I don't drink) and they decorated my place and garden, cat themed. Even my grumpy old cat had a little bowtie. Love cats!

Anyhow, night was amazing and they all left happy. The morning after I began work at 6.30 and only plowed through the mess left behind, thinking they be in contact later about the cleaning since it was "their" party.

I'm currently saving up for a car and so I'm working two jobs om the weekends and sometimes the rest of the week too. At 14.30 I got home to change my clothes, eat something and rush away to job number two. Nobody had still not contacted me about cleaning and my house was still a mess with piling dishes, trash and furniture needing to be moved back. Still thinking they would help, I sent a text asking which time they planned on coming by to help with the clean up. I would be home about eight.

Didn't get answers except from one saying she was working today and tomorrow.

My Sunday looks the same and since I didn't get an answer I sent another text asking for help with the clean up, adding I'll work ten hours on both Monday and Tuesday, so this evening would be easiest if they're busy with work on those days.

Got some answers about how they didn't have time right now, they needed to rest for the work week, didn't have babysitter's and they wasn't involved in the planing. This really made me upset. I didn't ask for a party, I specifically told them that I didn't have time for a party at the moment, but now I'm stuck with cleaning up after a party.

Soo on Sunday evening after work at eight, I texted again, asking who wanted to come over to help. Not a single soul answered. The dishes had began to smell at this point so I didn't want to leave it any longer. I don't have a dishwasher and the cleanup took forever. When done after a few hours I sent a text. I know I was a bit snarky, I essentially texted "I've cleaned everything by my self, no need for you guys to come over and help." I'm aware I'm the asshole for that text but I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep.

On Monday my phone blew up with upset texts on how they planned to help me, that I could have wait, that I wasn't fair and that I'm to pushy needing to have everything done at my place and way.

I'm shocked. I didn't know my "friends" thought of me like that. I have no interest in seeing them right now but I'm thinking I light be the asshole. Maybe cleanup isn't something you asks about after a part?

So, reddit. AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Old-Boysenberry-5631 on 2023-06-24 12:44:38+00:00.

This is a throwaway. I saw the other post about hiring cleaning help so it got me thinking about my situation. I need your honest opinion

my husband (m51) and I (f39) have a good life together. We both work. I’m a business owner so my work schedule depends on my workloa. Some periods I work 7 days a week. Some periods 2. My husband has a 9-5 job. We have a joint accounts for our expenses and we put around 30% of our salaries there.

we are great at dividing chores so both do their part. now I’m in a period when I need to work 12-14 hours a day and I can’t do my part. I asked my husband if we could hire cleaning help instead but he absolutely refused. I said fine if I pay myself then? He said okay, just not him or from our joint accounts.

Now I have help for my part of the chores. My husband wants me to help him with his part. I said no since I’m still doing my part by payin. He thinks it is unfair because I am technically not doing the chores myself. He says that I’m using the fact that i make more money than him so I’m controlling him. But it is not true plus he makes good money too. None of us is struggling exactly

sorry one edit: he said he is more than happy cleanin his part so i said fine i will hire someone to do my part. He thinks now it is unfair that I don’t clean AT ALL

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Beginning_Rise1695 on 2023-06-24 07:46:03+00:00.

I (18f) have been estranged from my father for 3 years now (since pre-Covid). I was legally allowed by the courts to stop going to his house when I was 15. That was the choice I made. The reasons were kind of all bleeding into each other. He was pretty damn sexist and saw me as a babysitter because I was a girl and when he started dating his wife they would use me as a babysitter for her daughter. I was only 12 at the time. She was only a baby (and she's not my dad's because she's a different race to her mom and my dad) and I had not met her before the first time. He also got angry at me for not wanting to be his wife's junior bridesmaid because girls should love that kind of thing and I should bond with her over "girly" stuff. Then he would make comments that I could not study video game development in college because that was for boys.

The babysitting was also way too frequent in the last year of my still being at his house.

So unknown to me was he and his wife put me down as an emergency contact for her daughter if neither of them could be reached. And over a month ago I got a call that she was sick and needed someone to pick her up from school and neither parent was available. I told the school I had not consented to being on the list (and I was removed immediately) and I told them I would not pick her up.

Weeks later dad shows up when I was home and starts yelling at me saying I had left her to stay in school sick and how distressed she was when her mom picked her up and how his wife lost her job over leaving early. I told him that was not my problem and they were not my problem. He yells that she is a child and had been told her sister was coming to pick her up. I told him she doesn't have a sister. That if he wants to give her one, that is between him and his wife. He called me selfish and said I was disgusting.

His family also thought I should have just picked her up and made it clear to dad and his wife afterward it would not happen again.

AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/DCONightingale on 2023-06-24 04:05:06+00:00.

I (30M) decided to dye my hair to cover up my greys. My wife (29F) was not crazy about the idea of me dyeing my hair in this first place, and all of a sudden said she likes my increasingly obvious grey hairs.

I definitely got my dad’s genes. His hair started greying in his mid twenties, and by 40 he was perfectly salt and pepper. Now he’s approaching 60 with almost no brown hairs left. He decided to go grey gracefully, I didn’t want to do that.

One night over dinner, I mentioned to her how I’ve been seeing grey hairs since my early twenties, and my method of dealing with them was to pluck them out with tweezers, despite always hearing how that’s counterproductive. Eventually, they were growing in faster than I could pluck them. And more recently, I noticed an alarming amount of half-grey hairs that were in the process of becoming full grey.

Fed up with it on a personal level, I told my wife I want to dye my hair. I told her that I’m not ready to go grey yet, and I’m gonna go buy a hair dyeing kit that matches my hair color, which she adamantly refused to let me do, as if I asked for her permission. She started complimenting my greys and saying that it’s sexy, and that dyeing my hair is pretty feminine and she wouldn’t find it attractive if I did it.

I have very thick, curly, shoulder length hair that I take good care of. I’m proud of my natural hair, but I feel like I should have a say on when I let it turn grey, even though my DNA and wife say otherwise. So I did it. For my first time ever attempting to dye my hair, it turned out great, and I was surprised with how easy the process was. All of my greys are gone, I’m satisfied with the way it looks, and she noticed right away. She acted like I betrayed her in some way. She has had nothing to say about my hair, and it feels as if she looks as my differently now. It’s almost as if she didn’t want me to be confident in my looks. Is she overreacting, or AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/GateEast2 on 2023-06-24 03:02:54+00:00.

My wife and I both like the show Friends and periodically watch it together. For some reason I cannot fathom, it bothers her when I clap to the theme song. REALLY bothers her.

Note: There is a brief moment in the beginning of the song where it claps quickly four times. It lasts for less than two seconds, and then the song continues.

This last time, I clapped along anyway. Of course she protested immediately. The conversation goes something like this…

Her: Why are you doing that again? You know I don’t like it!

Me: Why does it bother you so much?

Her: Because it’s corny and I don’t like it. It’s a pet peeve of mine.

Me: But why though? Why at that level?

Her: Because I just don’t like it. Don’t you have pet peeves that bother you?

Me: Not really. Besides, I like it, and the clapping lasts for two seconds. Why should I have to refrain simply because it bothers you for some indescribable reason?

Her: Fine then I just won’t watch the show with you anymore (in a serious, threatening tone).

Me: You are being an a-hole and overreacting.

She gets legitimately upset and mean about it. It’s not a fun lighthearted discussion as this sort of thing could be. I see her reaction as unreasonable and had to let her know that. AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SuspiciousGrass8431 on 2023-06-24 09:17:44+00:00.

My sister (31F) and I (28F) are both pregnant with our first child at the same time. She is due two months before I am. While looking for baby stuff we have shared a lot of what we are looking at. She brought a cot a few months ago but hadn’t set it up because she wasn’t sure she was going to keep it. In a message she asked if I been looking at anymore baby stuff, and I said yes I had been looking at cots and sent a screenshot of the one I thought I wanted. She replied with oh the one I wanted? And I replied oh is it? I honestly hadn’t remembered. She said yes but all good. So I left it at that and then ordered the cot a couple of weeks later. There was no more communication about the cot, and I thought everything was fine. I was wrong.

A couple of weeks ago I was running errands organising things for her baby shower which is next month. She called and asked if I could come and pick her up to go shopping. I said yes and made the half an hour each way journey to go and pick her up and bring her back into town to go shopping. On the way in she said she had sent her cot back and got a new one and said she had spent $2000 on her new cot. When I replied that it was a lot of money she said she didn’t really have a choice because I brought the cot that she had wanted and yelled and screamed at me the I’m a mean unapproachable bitch over and over when I said she had opportunity to bring this up before I brought it. I ended up leaving her at the shopping centre, she got her boyfriend to pick her up. I left very upset (pregnancy hormones do not help). I felt very attacked.

I really don’t see the issue if we got the same cot anyways.

We haven’t spoken since, I don’t even know if I’m still doing her baby shower.

Am I the asshole?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Icy-Technology-6863 on 2023-06-24 09:12:18+00:00.

So I (25F) live around ten minutes away from my brother (33M) and his family. His son (Max) is 5 years old and the cutest little ray of sunshine. On Tuesday evenings I take him swimming and on Sunday mornings I go to the park with the family (sometimes my friend and her kid will come along). This isn’t a strict routine but overall I spend a lot of time with my nephew and I deeply enjoy it.

This was fine at the start but after a while my brother started saying that I’m making his son “a bit too soft”. These are the examples he gave me:

• When I’m out with the family (let’s say we all go to the park together), Max prefers to hold my hand. I explained that this is probably because he’s used to holding his parents hands so I’m different and exciting.
• Max is more comfortable expressing his emotions with me rather than his dad. One time I was having dinner with the family and Max hurt himself whilst playing. Well he went up to his parents and showed him where he hurt himself but he didn’t cry. However when he came up to me he burst into tears and curled into my lap. My brother told him to stop being dramatic and that he’s fine. Granted, Max probably knew I would hug and console him (and that his dad would simply tell him to get over it) but there’s nothing wrong with a 5 year old crying and wanting hugs.
• Overall Max is very affectionate and is constantly hugging me or holding my hands or kissing my cheek. He doesn’t do this with his dad. Apparently this is proof I’m making his son “soft”.

So my brother highlighted the above as examples of his son getting influenced by me. His wife/my SIL disagrees, she says that Max really loves me and that it’s normal for a 5 year old kid to be this way.

The final incident happened last week. I had arrived at their house and Max gave me a flower he found. My brother grumpily said that he never got a flower and then took me aside for a private chat. He basically said that I’m turning his son into a “softie” and making him “too emotional”. At this point I snapped and told him that he’s crazy for describing a 5 year old child as a softie. I told him that there’s nothing wrong with his son’s behavior and that he should seek therapy before making nonsense complaints.

I was pretty mad so ended up leaving straightaway.

So now my brother thinks I'm an asshole for snapping at him like that. He said that he simply pointed out the obvious and that my response was uncalled for. However his wife thinks he is the AH and apologized to me.

Was my response disproportionate? Am I the asshole?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwaway_aita5954 on 2023-06-24 10:19:35+00:00.

My wife and I have a 20 year old daughter, Cassie. She started college a couple of years ago, majoring in accounting. I never told Cassie college is the only option or to study a specific subject. I wanted her to have some sort of plan (whether it be college, trade school etc) so she can have a good start in terms of career prospects, especially in the current job market. She decided to study accounting.

She lives in student housing which I visited when she first went to college. I did want to visit her again, but she told me they had a new rule that non-students weren't allowed to visit the student housing area. I trusted her so I believed it. We didn't have a traditional college fund, more so that I'd give her the money on a monthly basis which she was supposed to be using to pay for her courses, housing and materials. I know a lot of people will think this was a stupid move on my part which I understand, but I did the same with my older daughter and it worked out fine.

Not long ago I was at a party where my friend and his family also came. His daughter is friends with my daughter and she let slip that Cassie recently moved into a new apartment. I was shocked, and later found out she'd dropped out of college after the first semester, and using the college money to buy expensive things and fund her lifestyle.

Shit hit the fan after that reveal and I told Cassie I was really disappointed in what she did, and I can't trust her. She cried and said she didn't know better and now realizes what she did was stupid.

I'm going to be stopping the college money, but she replied she wants to go back for real and have a fresh start. I replied she can take out student loans like most others. I won't be paying anymore.

Cassie is really upset, my wife isn't onboard with this either and is telling me Cassie made a mistake, and I can just make the payments directly to the school from now. I told them both getting her college paid for was a privilege that she's now lost, if she wants to go back and really show me she cares, I might consider paying for it later. Many students don't have any financial help from their families and get through fine.

I've got a couple of people telling me I'm being really harsh and this is going to ruin her education even more.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/QuitImpossible9747 on 2023-06-24 04:38:51+00:00.

I (17 female) is currently learning how to drive. My parents were very excited for me since I can drive my siblings to school and no longer need to take time off of work. I don’t mind the idea because I do wanna help my parents out and I also don’t want my parents to assist me.

One day as I was learning, my parents promised me to give me a car when I get my driver license. I certainly didn’t care what type of car or if its used. As long as it does its job and ready to go!

During summer break, my parents surprised me and told me that I got a new car and that it came early. I was happy and they shown me. It was my dad’s old car. I didnt care if it was used but what came next is the problem.

My dad (40 male) open the car door and the inside destroyed me! The driver’s seat was ruin and the cotton and METAL was out. There was dirt on the floor and even FOOD. Wrappers, water bottle, gum, jackets, liquid, etc was everywhere! It was fucking disgusting. The cupholder was the worse of all. Rotten and moist coffee stains all over it and the inside. (I showed my boyfriend and he nearly vomited at the sight.) I awkwardly smile at my dad who grab a bucket of cleaning supplies and hand it to me. Telling me to clean it and that it is mine.

EXCUSE ME?! I was pissed. This is my gift? My surprise? I was enraged when I ask him to help me but he said, “I’m tired. I’m going to sleep.” Honestly, im not surprised. He has always been a man child. My mother always cleans up after him but NOT me. Instead, i dropped the bucket and left.

The next day, they asked if i was finished and i told them that i wont be cleaning the car. They were not happy and told me that i am being dramatic. Maybe I am but who in the hell gives someone a dirty gift and expect them to be happy.

As long as it wasnt damaged or dirty, i would have been happy but NO.

So am I the asshole?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ok_Bee4118 on 2023-06-24 07:39:57+00:00.

So I (F20) never really saw the point of wearing a bra. I have a small chest so I don't need the support, and I think they're really uncomfortable so I never wear them. This of course sometimes leads to the nipples poking through my clothes of I'm wearing certain tops. I don't really care about that because in my mind it's no different from a guys nipples being visible through their shirt, which is something you see all the time and nobody minds that, so why should it be different for women?

A few days ago we had a family barbecue, and some of my family members complained to my parents about me being too underdressed and how uncomfortable they are with me not covering myself up (I was dressed completely normally, jeans and a tanktop). My parents agreed with them and told me to go home, wear a bra and come back. Telling me that they've put up with it long enough, and that I'm not a child anymore, so I should start acting and dressing like an adult and to start wearing a bra every day.

I told them what I wrote earlier that I don't need one and guys nipples are visible all the time so I don't see why it's a problem, but they just got angry for talking back at them and told me to change right away. I did go home after they told me, but I didn't change my clothes or went back to the barbecue. I just ordered some delivery and had that instead.

AITA for not changing my clothes and refusing to wear a bra?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Luuri818 on 2023-06-24 02:07:18+00:00.

My (36m) SO (34f) is fairly superstitious while I am not. While house hunting, we found a house that would be perfect for us, but the realtor mentioned to me that one of the previous owners died during a domestic violence incident in the house.

If my SO knew this, she would most likely be against purchasing the house, or at the very least feel uneasy if we were to live in it due to her superstitious beliefs. To me, I couldn't care less and would think it's an extremely nonsensible reason for turning down a house that would otherwise be perfect for us.

AITA for keeping this information from her, when I know that this is information she would want to know, and would heavily affect her decision?

Even if I somehow convince her to get the house, I know she would feel uneasy while living in it, so why make her go through that? We have been looking at several places, and this is the only one so far that both of us love. I know that she would be extremely happy with this house if she didn't know about its past.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Pretend-Wall5421 on 2023-06-24 05:09:00+00:00.

I (18F) snapped at my brothers girlfriend (24F) because she was taking her feelings out on me.

I’m currently on a vacation with my family and my brother brought his girlfriend. During past vacations she’s had random issues with me that she later apologized for and admitted that she was wrong. I thought we would be fine until tonight; we’re staying in a big hotel room with two beds. We split up to party and I got back to the room earlier than them.

Earlier in our night I had noticed her upset about some kind of drama going on with her. I felt bad for her but I didn’t want it to ruin my vibe so I went and met up with a friend in the city. Well, she gets back with my brother and they walk in.

She seemed to be happy and smiling after feeling upset, but as soon as she saw me, her smile immediately dropped and she just went “oh.” She started to frown and threw her bag really hard onto the bed. I felt really awkward and I couldn’t help but take this personally. Like I was a nuisance or something. I felt really shitty.

I told them shortly after that I could hang out in the lobby to give them some space for awhile. She sighed really loud and went “you’re fine dude.” I said “you seemed upset so I wanted to give you some time” and I was about to walk out but she got annoyed and just said “you should probably mind your business.” I paused and got really fucking mad. I basically bitched her out and told her that I had a right to be in this room too and I’m sorry if that bothered her but it shouldn’t. It’s not like she fucking paid for our rooms and I can’t help being in one with her. She said that she had a right to be on the family trip and I said that she was lucky that my dad, the person paying, invited her and she should act grateful. I went into the bathroom but I could hear her whispering shit about me to my brother.

My brother is neutral about the situation but I’m still pissed at her. I felt bad that she was in a bad mood, but she randomly snapped at me for literally being in the room and I was just trying to be nice. I’m really mad that she took her shit out on me, but I also do feel a little bad for snapping back at her instead of simply remembering that it’s probably not about me. AITA

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Pristine_Balance_365 on 2023-06-24 03:27:36+00:00.

My guy friend, "Tom," has been one of my best friends since college. We're in our mid 20's now and are both currently in committed relationships with long term partners. I have never had feelings for Tom nor has he ever had feelings for me.

Since college, Tom has been a huge watch fanatic. Two months ago, he was showing me this stunning vintage watch and made an off-handed comment about how he would die of joy if he somehow got his hands on one.

Very coincidentally, I was in NYC a few weeks ago and stumbled upon this watch store that just so happened to have the exact one Tom wanted. It was expensive, I wont lie, at about $2,500, but I decided to get it for his 25th birthday (to me, it was basically fate lol). My boyfriend and I do very well financially so this was something that I could personally afford and wanted to buy for Tom, especially knowing how happy it'd make him.

Tom has a tradition of hosting a dinner party at his place for his birthday and then following that up with cake and gift opening. I told him before the dinner that my gift was a huge surprise and asked if he could save it for last and he agreed. His girlfriend ends up going first and she gets him this gorgeous sweater that she crocheted for him and a book that he's been wanting, which I thought was super thoughtful and lovely. Last, it was my gift. When he opened it and saw what it was he literally screamed, hopped over a bunch of people, and squeezed me in this huge bear hug. I was SO happy to see him happy, it genuinely filled me with so much joy. He even got emotional and I saw him swipe a few tears. He also said that it was the "best gift he'd ever received." The whole time, his girlfriend was only slightly smiling and stayed quiet.

The next morning, I get a text from his girlfriend that essentially said that although she appreciated my thoughtful gift, she thought that it was a bit out of touch and lacking awareness. She admitted that Tom had also told her about the watch and she wanted to get it for him, but it was way out of her budget. She accused me of knowing this (I had NO idea) and still getting it to rub it in her face and to "outshine" her. She finished by saying how she felt like I had overstepped a boundary by getting the gift and would appreciate me not doing anything similar to it again in the future. I responded and told her that while I could see her POV, I was just trying to do a nice thing for a close friend of mine. I asked her, wouldn't you rather he gotten the gift and seen the happiness that it brought him than him not getting it at all? She responded that that happiness was "only shared between [me] and Tom" and no one else and that she felt hurt by my actions.

Only my boyfriend knows about this and he's on my side. But thinking through it all again, I do see how I could've overstepped, but my boyfriend says that it's not my job to apologize for her insecurities. So AITA here?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Public-Med on 2023-06-24 02:50:16+00:00.

For context we are in a 6 year relationship, not married.

My wife is 8 months pregnant and driving me insane. Before she was pregnant we didn’t have many issues but now, anything I do isn’t good enough. My cooking is shit, I don’t do laundry correctly, I don’t clean well enough/miss too many spots.

The last straw was my wife saying my foot message wasn’t good enough. Since she told me that (9 days ago) I have been responding with ‘do it yourself’, after she tells me it isn’t good enough.

Yesterday the tire from our car needed to be replaced while we were at the side of the road. I admit it, I suck at changing tires. My wife told me I was going too slow, and I told her she could do it herself. She said no, and I refused to work on the tire again for 30 minutes.

When we got home she was angry because she needed to go to toilet during those 30 minutes. She called me an asshole and inconsiderate and a bunch of other stuff. I just went to our bedroom to relax for a bit.

In defence of my wife, the pregnancy is difficult on her and she had quite a few problems.

When we went to sleep, she wasn’t talking to me, saying that I am an asshole. I am kinda feeling bad now, AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Worth_Worldliness_26 on 2023-06-24 02:02:54+00:00.

My wife works about an hour away from our home. I work mostly remotely at home, so I've been the one to take care of our girls (6 and 8 respectively) for a few years now. I drive them to school and to practices, and I usually eat lunch with them. We eat dinner at 7 as a family. This is non-negotiable, because the girls get home at 6 from afterschool activities, and we both agreed that they should sleep preferably at 9-10.

Dinner is usually a chance for us to sit and bond, and because my wife works from 9 to 4-5 during the weekday she usually barely sees them during the weekdays. (We spend a lot of time together on the weekend though). Additionally, she isn't vegan or anything, but she comes from a Buddhist family and prefers to reduce animal produce in her diet. Because of this, she comes home and usually takes a lot of time to make her dinner by herself. When she's done making the food, either one or both of the girls are finished eating, or they're almost finished eating and she has missed out on a lot of them talking about their day.

I've tried finding solutions, like cooking for her beforehand or cooking a vegetarian meal for the whole family, but she doesn't like my cooking (even when I try to imitate her meals). So far, I've been texting her what she wants to make and cleaning/prepping the food for her, but sometimes she changes her mind or she takes a while to cook anyway. I've tried talking to her about it, but she says, "What do you want me to do? Starve at the dinner table?" She says she wants to hear about their day too, but it's just not feasible.

So I told her that for Tuesday and Thursday, I am going to make food for us as a family, and she will eat it with us. She told me that I'm an asshole, because she works hard everyday and she just wants to eat her own food, not be forced to eat mine. I just think it's important to spend time with family during the week. AITA?

Also, I think I'm a pretty fair cook. I'm not amazing or anything, but the girls like my food.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Nearby-Sun-5826 on 2023-06-24 02:07:07+00:00.

Title makes it sound bad but that’s how my boss is describing it.

I was asked to drive a coworker to the company’s warehouse so he could pick up a vehicle and bring it back to the office.

This coworker has the worst hygiene of anyone I’ve ever met. He constantly comes into work without showering and he’s admitted he doesn’t brush his teeth because it makes his gums bleed. Dude smells like shit 99% of the time and can stink up our average sized office so I was not excited to be giving him a ride in my car.

I drove with my windows down and on the way to the warehouse we passed through an area that was a residential neighborhood with a bunch of small dairy and livestock farms.

He told me to (not asked) roll the window up because the farms smelled like shit. I told him they still smell better than his body odor and the windows are staying down. It’s worth noting that me and this coworker do not get along for reasons other than his poor hygiene.

We start arguing back and forth and he tells me to “pull your fucking car over”. So I did just that and he got out on a street that had a bunch of houses and a small convenience store and told me to fuck off, so I promptly left.

Not long after I got a call from my boss screaming at me for “abandoning” that asshole in the “middle of nowhere” and not doing what he asked me to. I tried to tell him that he voluntarily got out of my car in a residential area but he wasn’t hearing it and I got told to go pick him up. I replied that I would only get him if he popped a breath mint and I got told to start my weekend early and not come back to the office until Monday.

Feels like a reward to be frank but am I the asshole?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/aislethrowaway on 2023-06-24 02:29:24+00:00.

Hi AITA, I posted here 3 years ago. This update is obviously LONG overdue but things have been intense the past few years so I forgot about this account for a long time. I remembered it while browsing some other subreddits & thought I would share my update because things are better than I ever thought they could be back in 2020.

So COVID obviously scuppered our wedding plans, it was meant to be in Jan 2021, but by that time our country still wasn’t in stable enough condition to throw the big wedding with friends & family we wanted. I also lost my job because my company closed, so we wanted to watch our budget.

My dad got COVID early in the pandemic & it was bad enough that he ended up in hospital. Visiting rules were v strict & only my mom could visit him & they were both actually really scared he might die. He didn’t but it affected him for a long time afterward. He started going back to church when things opened up a bit (both my parents are Catholic but my mom was always the more religious one, he was a bit more lapsed) & you guys will not believe this - my wife & I were SHOCKED - that was what made him realise he was a bit of a homophobic AH?!?! The church he went to is quite progressive & is big on the whole ‘accept everyone exactly as they are because that is how God made us & only God can judge’ stuff, & the ‘almost dying from COVID’ thing apparently gave him a different outlook on things. Cut a long story short, we started seeing each other more, we had a lot of long emotional talks, he slowly started apologising to me & my wife for being an AH (including the wedding thing) & we are now closer than we have been since I was a TEENAGER.

Both he & my mentor were at our make-up wedding last year. We ended up making the ceremony a lot less formal than planned because I guess living through COVID gave us different outlooks too, my wife & I just wanted to have a fun time & not care too much about strict traditions, so we ended up walking down the aisle together while all our family & friends sat & watched & cheered lol!

Things are good. We have dinner with my parents at least once a month & it’s awesome. I found a better job & we’re more financially stable now & thinking about having kids. I’m excited. Thanks AITA for the judgments & responses back then & I guess I want to tell everyone that sometimes things work out even when you don’t expect them to. Life can surprise you so look forward to those surprises!

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Happy_Cherry_6859 on 2023-06-24 01:36:48+00:00.

This all happened over last weekend, but tensions are still high and the situation remains very hostile.

In essence, my SIL (30F) very kindly invited me (25F) and my fiance (26M) on a surprise weekend getaway with her family. We recently got engaged (last month! yay!) and she said she wanted to treat us to a surprise trip with her family. The surprise trip ended up being a weekend getaway at a popular beach town near where we live. We were both very excited to join them and spend time with their super cute toddler who's only 3!

The issue starts at the hotel check-in. Both me and my fiance are aware that his sister tends to be very frugal, but we've never commented on it since they are not well off financially. However, the hotel that she surprised us with ended up being a 1-star motel in a notoriously dangerous area. Upon entering our room, my fiance and I were shocked to find how dirty and disgusting the conditions were (e.g., fresh stains on sheets, clump of hair in shower drain, dead cockroach in corner). My fiance went out around 10pm to get us ice and he ended up being solicited by two prostitutes. I also went down around 10:30pm to ask for more towels from the lobby and I was catcalled and leered at by two very sketchy men. In fact, one even tried following me until he saw I was walking to the lobby.

Finally, around 11:00pm I told my fiance that I did not feel happy nor safe staying in the motel. I asked him if he wanted to relocate to another hotel. He agreed and apologized for the conditions, but initially said we should just tough it out for two nights. But after I told him I was catcalled and followed, he agreed with me and said we should leave. And so we got an Uber and left to a nearby Hilton. I sent a text in our GC around midnight letting them know that we felt a bit unsafe and uncomfortable at the hotel due to some encounters/harassment and decided to stay at another hotel. I thanked them and apologized profusely. I asked my fiance if we should offer to move them to the new hotel on us, but he said no because he believed his sister would feel insulted. My fiance separately venmo'd her $200 to cover the costs of the motel even though it was only (~$40/night).

The next morning, I wake up at 8am to a text from her SIL basically saying that they were "deeply hurt and offended" by my actions and to call them ASAP. We ended up meeting them back at the motel and she and her husband completely blew up at us. She called us "ungrateful" and "classist", even going so far to directly call me "high-maintenance." She told us that she spent $100 on our accommodations, which was all that she could afford, and we "threw it in her face." I went into the conversation very apologetic, but once she started insulting us, I told her off as well. We ended up parting ways and have not spoken to each other since, except for a text from SIL saying she wants a genuine apology from us. I don't believe I owe her any more apologies. AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/chode_temple on 2023-06-23 20:47:43+00:00.

My (late 20s) sister (mid 20s) has been planning her wedding for over a year. It is scheduled for October. It's a huge, elaborate, expensive affair and she's been a bridezilla the whole time.

My partner and I had a talk and decided it would be a good time for us to get married. The timing is right and we've been dating for over 4 years.

Some important context:

1- Our wedding will be across the country. I live in a different state.

2- My sisters weren’t invited because we really want it to be the smallest event possible. When I say small, I mean both of our parents and a friend who is officiating. There's a waterfall nearby, so we're just going there. I'm buying a white sundress, we're exchanging rings, then going out for a steak dinner. I don't want to ask them to fly across the country, especially when we aren't super close.

3- Her wedding is in October. Mine would be in August.

My other sister (late teens) sent me a long text message with some of the following quotes:

"I'm surprised at your timing and that you're rushing to get it done before (bride sister). I'm confused why you think it would be okay to do something major like this in the months leading up to her wedding when she deserves to feel special. (Bride sister) doesn't ask for attention much, and this is the biggest event of her life. You guys have said you didn’t want to get married anyway."

First of all, bride sister nonstop asks for attention. She has her whole life. My parents can verify this. Second, my timing wasn't intentional. It is the right time for us. We haven't really told anyone, and we don't plan to. Third, I would hardly call this a wedding. It's a completely inconspicuous ring exchange, and we haven't even told most of our closest friends.

My parents and close friend side with me because they know my sister and see this for what it is. My sisters are mad at me.

I respect the stress and importance of a wedding. It's not like I think her wedding doesn't matter. It just seems like such an overreaction.

AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ItsSaraMyDudes on 2023-06-23 11:56:12+00:00.

I (f23) was visiting my sister (f25) and her bf (m25) at their apartment. On my way out I accidentally knocked over a plastic flower pot that was standing on one of the planks in the hallway. Before I could say sorry she said: ‘yeah, you have to clean that up because its your fault’.

It was completely out of nowhere, I thought we were having a good time.

Something in that tone just made me angry, I wanted to help, maybe ask for a cloth or something but now I just didn’t want to do it anymore.

She’s used that tone before whenever she wanted something done, she’s a very bossy person. Even when were children.

I just walked out saying nothing while closing the door behind me. It’s been a day and her bf said the spill is still not cleaned up and she didn’t allow him to clean it up because I had to do it.

I’m not planning on doing it. My parents say I’m petty and should just do it to make her happy. But I don’t want to reward her for being bossy with me, even if I definitely should’ve cleaned it up.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/snoopgoop7 on 2023-06-23 23:56:47+00:00.

Me (27 F) and my Husband (30 M) just got married this January, but the wedding was an absolute mess. For context, my husband Ben has a very close-knit family that doesn’t take well to outsiders, surprises, or change. Most family reunions and gatherings don’t allow plus-ones or spouses, just immediate family. Ben has 2 other brothers and 1 sister. Each of my in-laws have wives/husbands, yet they still aren’t allowed to come to the majority of family events, so it’s fortunately not just me.

Even though I cannot attend most events with his family, I still have a somewhat decent relationship with them. Before the wedding I’ve never had a major issue with them, but they’ve always been distant from me and I don’t really mind.

Now, let’s talk about the wedding. The wedding was planned for New Years Day, since that was the day we met, the day Ben asked me to be his girlfriend, and the day he proposed, so that holiday has always been very special to us. Everyone agreed that New Years Day was a perfect day for the wedding, so no issues there.

Unfortunately, we did have a problem with other things. Ben’s family has lots of odd traditions that they do, and over the years I’ve put up with them and embraced them. They include having a homemade sheet cake rather than a professional wedding cake, wearing all white, and having ALL of the children walk up the aisle to toss flowers rather than having ONE designated flower girl/boy. However, I wanted my wedding day to be good for the both of us, so we made some compromises. We could have the homemade sheet cake, but we both had to agree on the flavor and design, anyone could wear what they wanted (besides white), and there would be no children at the wedding. (My husband suggested that, not me.) We talked to both of our family’s, and everyone agreed that these rules and boundaries were fine, (or so we thought).

The day of the wedding came, and my side of the family was dressed appropriately, no children were present, everything was going great. Then, Ben’s family came. There were lots of children and babies and everyone was wearing all white. Apparently their traditions were more important than when I had to say. Only 3 people actually respected the rules set in place. The spouses of Ben’s siblings. Ben and I were mortified. We immediately kicked then out and allowed the 3 people who followed the rules to stay, but they left with their partners (which we didn’t mind).

The wedding went on as normal, but it felt ruined. We ended up cancelling the post-wedding celebration after some of his family members snuck inside. After we came back from out honeymoon, we were both berated by his family members and basically “shunned” from his family. I feel guilty for not allowing them to practice their traditions. AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Square-Wrap4520 on 2023-06-23 22:11:36+00:00.

I want an abortion. Abortions are banned where I currently live, so I asked my cousin if I could stay at her for the weekend as abortions are allowed in her state. She agreed, and said it was fine as her husband would be on at a work conference. Her husband can't keep a secret and is a really bad liar, so I don't want him knowing about this at all, as the consequences from this could literally put me in jail. They have recently had a son, and he told our family about her pregnancy when she was was 7 weeks along, athoguh she wanted to wait until she was 12 weeks. I had requested the time off of work and told everyone that I was going to help out with my cousin's son and go see him. I was meant to leave today, and she called me to say her husband's work trip is cancelled and that he will be home that weekend. I asked her to tell him that I was coming over to meet my new nephew, but she said she feels uncomfortable lying to him. She told me I am still welcome to come, but she can't lie to his face about why I am actually there and will tell him if I come. I got upset and said she didn't have to tell him? She said she feels unconfortable 'lying' to his face and that her marriage is important to her and she needs to be honest to him. I understand she is doing me a massive favour by letting me stay at hers, but I don't think she is really thinking of the consequences for me.

eta- I am 22 and not in America. I am from El Salvador and it is illegal. I live with my parents and extended family and she is the only person I know abroad where it is legal and the only excuse I have to leave the country. I can't afford to leave myself and she had paid for the flights.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/figsap on 2023-06-23 21:31:58+00:00.

My sister and I have both been huge fans of the Pokémon games and anime since we were little. When Sun and Moon came out, she pretty much immediately fell in love with one of the Pokémon released that year, Rowlet.

She’s obsessed with this creature—she has two shelves full of Rowlet plushies and figurines. I even bought her one of those Rowlet-themed armchairs as a gag gift for her birthday. In all honesty I thought it was a funny little obsession. When she found out she was pregnant, she got a bunch of Pokémon themed posters and plushies, even somehow managed to get a Rowlet-themed baby blanket shipped in from Japan.

She’s due in 4 weeks, and told me yesterday that she intends for the kid’s middle name to be.. Rowlet. I honestly thought it was a joke at first and laughed but she was being entirely serious. She says a middle name’s not a big deal, that it’s not like people will call him that in school or at work, and most people wouldn’t even know what Rowlet is, since it’s not as well known as something like Pikachu. I tried to dissuade her saying it’s ridiculous to name a baby after a cartoon owl, that Pokémon isn’t exactly obscure media, and that eventually someone would find out. She’s adamant that it won’t affect him, since she says nobody will even call him that and she wants to name the baby after something she loves. I told her she was being an idiot and was potentially ruining the baby’s life and left. She seemed very annoyed with me and told me it was her baby and her decision. When I tried calling her today, she wouldn’t answer.

I don’t know if I’m being too harsh, she is right that people aren’t often known by their middle names so it may not affect the kid at all. I just can’t shake off how absolutely ridiculous it is. So AITA for telling her not to name her kid Rowlet?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Clear_milk1545 on 2023-06-23 21:27:35+00:00.

My brother (23m) and I (25f) were visiting our parents when we decided to get some food delivered. I offered to pay for everyone’s meals and my brother offered to use his app since he got free delivery. I told him to tell me the price of the order and I’d send him the money. He wanted me to just give him my credit card information. I said I’d rather just send him the direct amount. When he asked why I told him because last time he had my card information on his phone he used it a bunch and never paid me back. He gave the excuse that he was a kid back then and he wouldn’t do that now. I still refused and he told me to use my own phone which I did with no problem. I ordered our food and the rest of the afternoon went well, my brother was cold to me but I didn’t care.

Before I left or dad told me I should have just gave him my card to prevent drama. I replied that my brother could have just taken the money to prevent drama. I also added that my brother had nothing to be mad about; he got his food, he didn’t have to pay and he still had his free delivery. The only reason he is mad is because his plan to steal my credit card information failed. My father then called me a horrible sister and said I should have more faith in my brother. He also pointed out that money transfer apps take a couple days for the money to move and my brother probably didn’t gave the funds to cover the cost at the moment. My mother remained neutral on the issue and didn’t want to get involved.

I feel I have every right to not want to give someone my card information especially if that someone misused it in the past. Or should I have like my dad said had a little more faith in my brother?