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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwaway_aita5954 on 2023-06-24 10:19:35+00:00.
My wife and I have a 20 year old daughter, Cassie. She started college a couple of years ago, majoring in accounting. I never told Cassie college is the only option or to study a specific subject. I wanted her to have some sort of plan (whether it be college, trade school etc) so she can have a good start in terms of career prospects, especially in the current job market. She decided to study accounting.
She lives in student housing which I visited when she first went to college. I did want to visit her again, but she told me they had a new rule that non-students weren't allowed to visit the student housing area. I trusted her so I believed it. We didn't have a traditional college fund, more so that I'd give her the money on a monthly basis which she was supposed to be using to pay for her courses, housing and materials. I know a lot of people will think this was a stupid move on my part which I understand, but I did the same with my older daughter and it worked out fine.
Not long ago I was at a party where my friend and his family also came. His daughter is friends with my daughter and she let slip that Cassie recently moved into a new apartment. I was shocked, and later found out she'd dropped out of college after the first semester, and using the college money to buy expensive things and fund her lifestyle.
Shit hit the fan after that reveal and I told Cassie I was really disappointed in what she did, and I can't trust her. She cried and said she didn't know better and now realizes what she did was stupid.
I'm going to be stopping the college money, but she replied she wants to go back for real and have a fresh start. I replied she can take out student loans like most others. I won't be paying anymore.
Cassie is really upset, my wife isn't onboard with this either and is telling me Cassie made a mistake, and I can just make the payments directly to the school from now. I told them both getting her college paid for was a privilege that she's now lost, if she wants to go back and really show me she cares, I might consider paying for it later. Many students don't have any financial help from their families and get through fine.
I've got a couple of people telling me I'm being really harsh and this is going to ruin her education even more.