this post was submitted on 02 Jul 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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[–] art101 344 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Not sure I'm fully onboard with this to be honest.

I mean, we're all adults living in a civilised society and you missed an apostrophe, it should have been "you're a cunt", not youre.

We all know better for next time ;-)

[–] killa44 17 points 1 year ago
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[–] [email protected] 211 points 1 year ago (6 children)

I’m actually proud of this and might frame it for my office 🀣

[–] [email protected] 106 points 1 year ago

I'd be thrilled to know I personally offended a CEO

[–] [email protected] 73 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You should. I printed out a screenshot when I got blocked by Rudy Giuliani on Twitter lol

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's absolutely hilarious lol

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[–] ArgonautVehicle 165 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (20 children)

On a fine Monday morning, Steve Huffman, known colloquially as Spez, awoke from his gold-threaded sheets in his penthouse, sipping on his ethically questionable yet preposterously expensive civet coffee. He looked out his windows, the horizon offering the perfect view of his kingdom, his creation, his Reddit.

Having decided to raise the cost of API use to levels that would make a NASA engineer's jaw drop, Spez had embarked on a mission to squelch third-party apps, steering users towards the official (albeit buggy) Reddit app. He chuckled to himself, confident that his plot was as foolproof as an uncrackable safe.

Little did he know, the storm was brewing.

As he logged on, dressed in his favorite power suit, he noticed the eerie silence. Subreddits, once buzzing hives of memes, jokes, and shower thoughts, were now as barren as the surface of Mars. The once-mighty r/AskReddit, now reduced to a ghost town, echoed with digital tumbleweeds.

Confused, he navigated to r/pics. The screen loaded and his eyes were met with an endless scroll of buttholes, every variety, shape, and color imaginable. His newly nanobot-manicured eyebrows knitted together in bewilderment.

β€œMust be a new meme trend,” he said, shrugging it off.

He then moved to r/science, a bastion of intellect and reason, only to find NSFW content occupying every single thread. The Higgs boson was being discussed in a manner Einstein could never have predicted.

β€œWhat in the name of...?” He blinked, checking whether he was still on Reddit and not some obscure corner of the dark web.

He decided to investigate, opening his mailbox. "Surely my loyal subjects will inform me what's going on," he mused.

And inform they did. His inbox was flooded with messages, each more colorful than the last. "Spez, you're a legend!" one began, before ending with a plot twist, "...at being a daft cunt."

"Has everyone lost their minds?" he wondered, failing to connect the dots.

He banished anyone who dared cross him, banning his way through his subjects like a monarch with an itchy trigger finger.

As the day wore on, Spez grew restless. His grand plan was not unfolding as expected. But, in his characteristic arrogance, he was certain that the chaos would soon subside and he would ascend as the one true app lord.

In his plush office, surrounded by screens showing falling Reddit stocks, he clutched a crystal ball he bought from a New Age store, whispering, β€œSoon, my Reddit will be worth billions…” The crystal ball, deciding it had enough, promptly rolled off his desk and shattered on the Italian marble floor.

In the end, a day that began with grand ambitions ended with a lonely billionaire, surrounded by pictures of buttholes, an inbox full of profanity, a shattered crystal ball, and a kingdom in chaos.

Unbeknownst to him, the Reddit community reveled in their rebellion. They might not have won the war yet, but oh, how they celebrated the battles. As the moon replaced the sun, one phrase echoed throughout the kingdom of Reddit, repeated in posts and comments, whispered in DMs, etched into the heart of the rebellion,

"Fuck Spez."

[–] Rull_9 27 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I need this entire comment printed out and framed. Its composure is truly artistic!

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[–] BeardyGrumps 18 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

Let’s sing all together:

Well Spez is a cunt, he's a big fat cunt, He's the biggest cunt in the whole wide world. He’s a stupid cunt, if there ever was a cunt, He's a cunt to all the boys and girls.

On Monday, he's a cunt, On Tuesday, he's a cunt, On Wednesday though Saturday, he's a cunt, Then on Sunday, just to be different, He's a super King Kamehameha Cunt.

Have you ever met Reddits Spez? He's the biggest cunt in the whole wide world, (La-la-la-la-la-la-la) He's a mean ol' cunt and he has wangy eyes, He's a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt.

Cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, He's a stupid cunt! (Woah!)! Reddits Spez is a cunt, And he's such a dirty cunt! (Cunt!)!

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[–] muaveri 16 points 1 year ago

Any ongoing crowdfunding for your upcoming book? Give me a link please? You got me interested. Anything published already?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

"an endless scroll of buttholes"

art

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[–] [email protected] 96 points 1 year ago (1 children)

please tell me you did this AFTER systematically devaluing your years of submitted content?

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

Lol fuck I love Lemmy πŸ’•

[–] Poglathegrate 61 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Claim you're Australian, and live in NSW.

Show that it is your constitutional right to call any leader a cunt

https://nswcourts.com.au/articles/court-rules-its-ok-to-refer-to-tony-abbott-as-a-ct/

Sue Reddit

[–] Col3814444 17 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

To be fair, Tony Abbott is actually a total cunt, so the case result was always going to be.

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[–] Bushwhack 48 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I tagged him in messages for a few days calling him a cunt but never got banned. I guess DM was the thing to make it be effective?

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Like 3 days ago I got a site wide ban for posting a picture of the comments spez altered on TheDonald like 4 years ago. Reddit has gone downhill ever since Pao got the CEO title and has only gotten worse under spez.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 year ago (3 children)

It was going downhill before thar. Pao was a scapegoat. spez and kn0thing fired Victoria Taylor before Pao even took over.

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[–] 15liam20 37 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Should definitely be banned for not using an apostrophe.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 year ago

called /u/Spez a cunt

This is inaccurate, /u/Spez lacks warmth and depth and has never given anyone pleasure.

[–] Gingerlegs 34 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Must be a fun place to work πŸ™„

Sucks because it used to be an awesome job I bet

[–] InverseParallax 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

No, they talked about it, it was brutal, they were overworked for a good while, then when the money came in they went dumb corporate.

There was a while where they said the stress felt like it was worth it then everything fell apart, this was around when pao was in charge and the ama lady got fired.

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 year ago

Surprises me that you get banned for it but whenever someone else call another person that - they get away with either a warning or nothing happens. Lol.

[–] RestingBitchFace 28 points 1 year ago (5 children)

I edited all my comments to Fuck u/spez and deleted them and then deleted my account. They ruined a decent thing.

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[–] Finnbot 25 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Glad to see my permanent ban for reporting one fucking Fox News post on politics for blatant climate change denialism is on level with this. For using the report function to bully/harrass ffs. Laughable!

Place was becoming a shitehole months before these API changes anyway.

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[–] PolarBone 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] xaxl 20 points 1 year ago (4 children)

I got a couple of bans from automod because some precious mods get offended by you overwriting your comments with Power Delete Suite. Some of the comments were like 5 years old or older that were overwritten and got me banned.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I got a bunch of automod messages too when I did it. If you edit a message, automod reviews it just as if it was a first post. If the edit breaks the sub's rules (as it will if you used a generic message for all your posts as I did) then it'll get blocked. Don't think that's being precious, just how automod tools work.

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Well tbf spez is a cunt. A big, silly, greedy cunty cunt.

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[–] FlyingSquid 18 points 1 year ago

They banned me a few days ago and didn't even have the courtesy to tell me why. I asked and got no response.

[–] 2dollarsim 18 points 1 year ago

That part about bullying was pretty ironic huh.

[–] Ryan213 17 points 1 year ago

Totally worth it!

[–] henfredemars 15 points 1 year ago

It's part of the migration plan to help users move away from the platform.

[–] Coreidan 14 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Billionaires are the worst kind of people. I can’t wait for the revolution to come for them. It’s going to be a good time.

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[–] Batpool23 14 points 1 year ago

I reported him for help, he might be get suicidal when reddit bombs. Don't want him to take the easy way out now.

[–] samokosik 13 points 1 year ago

Jesus christ

[–] Lenins2ndCat 13 points 1 year ago

You know for a fact he put that ban through himself too.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

You did the right thing. You told the truth.

[–] Shotgun_Alice 12 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Just sign up as a reddit refugee, I approve. Also since I have no fucks left I've been using my alt account to troll r/conservative. Happy to be here, the thing with replacing mods and forcing communities to reopen was just so fucked up.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

Chad move tbh

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

Much like on twitter, you can insult us common folk (and landed gentry), but insult a celebrity or rich person, and that's a ban.

[–] Ensign_Crab 10 points 1 year ago

No one regrets getting banned from digg.

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