this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2023
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The Onion

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[–] [email protected] 48 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

That's exactly what the Weeping Angels (or SCP-173) would want!

[–] DontTreadOnBigfoot 32 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Looking more and more like the thing from Pan's Labyrinth every day...

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

I'm a marine biologist. It's obvious he's moulting.
Its his radical final moult, metamorphosing from an aquatic nymph to a winged adult

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Is that why he must consume the souls of all the children? For energy for the metamorphosis?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

No, that's silly.
He consumes souls to power the deep machines in the darkness.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Ah, I see. And who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

I'm just a humble marine biologist.
The sea was angry that day, my friends!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago

He has not yet attained his final formlessness.

[–] killeronthecorner 3 points 2 years ago

I always thought he looked like a half filled balloon

[–] 2scoops 26 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I like to imagine that during these freezes, he’s actually having out of body experiences wherein he visits Hell, and sees the fiery fate and torments that awaits him when finally slips this mortal coil.

[–] Cabrio 8 points 2 years ago

It's just his handler touching base.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 years ago

Comunicating with Biden :)

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 years ago

His entire team of staffers should be convicted on elder abuse.

[–] gibmiser 14 points 2 years ago

This article is written like an episode of Nightvale.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 years ago

For a second I thought The Onion had become an actual news site.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 years ago

"does anyone else hear a dial tone?".

the photo just does that

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 years ago

This is a top tier onion article. Up there with the hyperbolic chamber !

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago