this post was submitted on 22 Aug 2023
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[–] [email protected] 62 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Yes.

I have a friend who is extremely intelligent, endlessly curious and was raised in a locally well-established and notoriously generous and civic-minded family. So he was raised in that milieu of sincere kindness and generosity, and whenever he's come across anything that interests him (which is seemingly something new every week) he seriously researches it until he understands it.

So it pretty much doesnt matter what the topic is - he knows something about it, but his personality has been shaped so that he's attentive and considerate rather than pedantic and self-absorbed. I've lost track of the number of times I've seen him engage in obviously mutually enjoyable conversations with complete strangers over... pretty much anything.

I vacillate between thinking that it's remarkable that he's the way he is and that it's remarkable, in a different sense, that that's so uncommon.

[–] spiffy_spaceman 18 points 2 years ago

Some of it might be age. I didn't realize until recently what I wanted. Got a new co worker who's only a couple years older than me (I'm 46) and after a few days of working with her, I told her she's ruining my other friendships because I've realized how boring many of my friends are. She's just very easy to talk to and we can cover tons of subjects. We always have something to talk about.

I don't think you can expect someone in their 20s to really know enough about enough things to really be euradite about much. They also don't have as much experience talking with people to be remarkably eloquent. That's not to say that everyone younger than me isn't worth talking to, but maybe you're scouting in the farm league and don't know it. Keep talking to everyone though: one day you'll find someone you hope never stops talking to you.

[–] ikidd 30 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I've met a few.

What I've noticed is they rarely use the words "I" and "me". They rarely talk about themselves, which is bloody unusual. I try to follow that example.

This whole comment is a failure of that philosophy. My bad.

[–] 9point6 4 points 2 years ago

my bad

Bad*

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 years ago
[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 years ago (1 children)

In technical fields? All the time. It is super rare for someone to ignore your arguments or resort insulting you during a discussion.

[–] glau 6 points 2 years ago

Good for you if that's your experience, but I cannot say the same. The difference I found is with the way those people ignore arguments and insult you.

I can talk to a person from a technical field and come out of that conversation feeling like shit because I was called all kinds of stupid indirectly.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I’ve met tons of these people. I think it’s sad the rarity this question presupposes. People like this are all over the place.

[–] barrage4u 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Any conversation that really makes you think

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Which is all of them if you approach them right.

[–] barrage4u 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

While I do think you should keep an open mind, some people and conversations are definitely more interesting than others

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

Oh yeah, definitely.

[–] CADmonkey 13 points 2 years ago

I know a woman who makes a point of telling her husband about her day, whether it was good or not. She talks about her hopes for tomorrow, and for days more distant in the future. She genuinely wants to know more about other people, and is really interested, and she is great at talking to people and making them feel important and unique.

The only part that is confusing to me, is that I am her husband. This vibrant and compassionate woman went and got hitched to little me, it's been 14 years, and I don't know why she stays.

But I'm glad she does.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 years ago

Yes, and I think I learned, in general, how to focus on anything by observing them do it. She was my first major, unattainable, love. She was just zeroed in, always, and I knew I had to learn the skill. I still can't do it to the level she does, but it's a remarkable skill to work on. Even at amateur levels, it's extremely useful.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Absolutely! And I'm finally gonna marry her in less than 2 months.

[–] bruhduh 7 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Yes), there is people like that, they usually are unpopular because they don't try to gain standing in society but instead enjoying what they do, they are very chill and wholesome, you see, society as a whole is quite egocentric even if they try to virtue signalling, people wrestling each other socially, and if you want to find people like that, then you need to step outside from the rat race, then you will see that there are alot of these type of people, they are actually all over the place)

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 years ago

Yes, and a lot of people but hardly straight off the bat. It takes a few rounds of small talk before engaging in something meaningful. In my experience, the more creative the person, the faster they will engage in a meaningful conversation, with musicians probably being the fastest ones.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

Yes, I few people.

An old classmate of mine was fascinated about space and space exploration and could go on and on about it. It never was uninteresting to listen to.

Also a friend of mine. He's a pretty smart guy and has opinions on a lot of things. He also knows a lot of things about different topics. We can talk about anything and it will be an engaging conversation. I love that guy.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

What is a deep conversation? I am not the most socially adept fella so if someone could clarify this would be much appreciated. My best guess is that its asking about the very personal details of someones life.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

Yes, but only other autists.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

Yes - the fam

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I have met few people that can even accept my experience without trying to twist it into their own.

[–] metallic_substance 6 points 2 years ago

My experience is that people who try to "twist it into their own" are really just trying to make a connection or keep the conversation going. I try not to fault people who do this a bit too much. Often, they are doing their best to navigate life like everyone else is.

[–] SpaceNoodle 0 points 2 years ago