Asklemmy

Put your handheld valuables or nice trinkets away anytime a friend is bringing over someone you don’t know. I miss my PSP :(

Buy Bitcoin! Sell in November 2021!

Don't smoke cigarettes ever.

Slow down at that blind corner in October 1989.

Don't take the shortcut to downtown in July 1994.

Don't lift that giant tube tv by yourself in May 2005.

Never stop exercising, playing guitar, writing, and painting/multimedia art.

You're a girl mfer 🥲

You ain't straight.

Don't sell your Gameboy. You'll regret it within a week.

Keep hiding when you hear him come. It’ll get better. You’ll leave and he’ll die, alone. She loves you but must deal with her own issues which are related to being his wife. Hang in there.

YOU. ARE. A. GIRL!

Choose the other school, like the smart guy did.

1. Do not let Mom ever have brain surgery.
2. Make grandma see a different doctor. The current one is clueless.
3. Bust Dad for smoking in secret and force him to stop. You know how it can be done.
4. Idea of Mom and Dad getting a divorce is a scary one, but it probably would make their and your life a lot better.
5. Start jogging daily. You'll never like it, but you need to do it to.
6. Ask her out when you're 15. She likes you too.
7. Start taking guitar and piano lessons. Turns out you have musical talent, you just haven't realized it yet.
8. No, I won't tell you how to get rich. You'd fuck your life up royally with unlimited money.

Hell no. You actually think in this social climate, as a grown-ass man I'm gonna be seen talking to a ten-year-old boy whose relationship to me can't be explained in a way any reasonable person would believe?!

That little shit can figure it out on his own, just like I had to.

You're not lazy, you're not stupid, and you're not a loser. You just have ADHD, and once you figure that out things will get much, much easier. Hang in there.

TW child abuse

Both your mum and dad are using you to hurt each other. The stuff they tell you, the way they hit you and scream at you, all that is wrong. It's not your fault, and I love you because despite all the evil they unleashed on you, you grow up to be a sensitive, caring, loving human being.

You have autism. You are not broken, or lazy. You spend your time daydreaming because the real world is incredibly shitty to you. Next time you see a doctor, ask them to speak to them alone, and ask them to get you the help you need.

None of those children are your friends. They're nasty bullies and you don't need their approval.

Your life gets better. Find this girl in America and be her penpal. Meet up, she's your soulmate. Tell her everything you know to help her heal, and she'll help you in return.

Memorize these dates and use them to make fucktons of money. Use your billions to plant trees. Plant as many trees as possible, as early as possible.

See you in 40 years. Sincerely, you.

Edited to add:

This is a hug, your parents never hug you and you need to be comforted. They've never told you they love you, and that's incredibly important to do every day.

It's ok to cry, don't shut that part of you off to stop the bullying.

Don't get on a motorcycle like your dad wants, you don't have good hand eye coordination or good eyesight, and the accident you get into leads to lifelong chronic pain.

You are not ugly, and it's ok to be weird! Celebrate your uniqueness!

Instead of sitting outside a locked house for hours after school, go to the library and read, you're allowed to do that.

That teacher is a pervert, don't be their friend just because they talk to you.

Spend more time with your aunts and grandmother, they love you and can help you feel normal.

Your mum lies to you about a lot of stuff, she's very damaged and taking it out on you because you arrived a month after her 16th birthday. She was r***d by your dad and made to stay with him, none of that is your fault or burden to bear.

Your brother is an annoying little shit, just walk away from him. He grows up into a nasty fascistic asshole who blames everyone else for his failures. Including you. Do not ever get involved with anything he does, especially to do with computers

You have way too much put on you for such a young person. Read these books for ways to withstand it all. I wish I could travel back in time and adopt you.

No.

But, uh... I have a ROM of Sonic 2 where you can play as Sonic Tails AND Knuckles, all at the same freaking time.

Wanna play it?

Mine Bitcoin when it comes out because they actually will become valuable in the future.

Don’t do drugs. Ever.

If you are being pressured by your peers, change them. There are other peers out there who will value your decision.

Tell dad about everything going on. Don't stop telling him. He's the one who will help you get away from the bad stuff that's about to start, and keep it from getting worse. Things will still hurt, but not as much. He can help you through the confusion.

And he won't hate you for feelings you're already having. He'll help it make sense, help you find the words you keep looking for.

Appreciate your brother. You've only got a few more years with him.

Pay the fuck attention in school you little shit

Hey! It’s ok that you feel like a girl trapped in a boys body! Mom and Dad won’t really like it, but they will eventually come around. You can do this!

Defend yourself. If he tries to touch you, make a fuss. Also, you're gay.

It's not your fault. Tell someone. You'll survive.

Yes, I'm going to tell you about the 4-5 girls, that were/will be interested in you but you were/will be to dumb to notice. Stay calm, be yourself and take a little initiative. It'll be alright!

It's okay to be alone. There will be people later who will enjoy your presence, but if you're only comfortable alone that's okay. As long as you try every once in a while.

Call your dad more often.

So you love watching anti-pride protests on YT, right? Actually you love cocks too. You're bi haha cope kiddo does fortnite dances.

Be less Christian to be more Christ-Like.

Being gay is not something you're stuck with, it's who you are and you have every right to celebrate it.

You're very clever. Don't use your cleverness to manipulate or do harm.

You will find love.

ACAB

You WILL actually end up with a boring, white collar job, and you can make a lot more money a hell of a lot easier if you don't get any tattoos from the neck up.

Also, you hate them but you're really good with computers.

I love you.

Keep a low profile and you'll be fine. Just don't take parenting/relationship advice from your parents.

Also: School stuff really is freaking easy if you'd put in just a little bit of real effort.

And skip that girl you meeed when you are 17. She's trouble.

You're gonna end up almost dying at around... 16 yrs? Do not go through that target training course.

Oh, and you're Ace & Genderfluid, have fun!

Your parents are doing their best with the tools they have, but they're preparing you for the world they grew up in - not the one you will live in. The things you think are for other people? They're for you too. You can have them, it's just going to be a lot of work to get there.

Ask an older relative to invest a couple hundred dollars for you, in both Apple and Microsoft, not to be touched for at least 2 decades.

You've got some fucked up shit heading your way kiddo, can't really do anything about it though so I guess just git gud and toughen up? Also, avoid alcohol, it doesn't help and will eventually kill you.

Tell her you love her. You won't be harmed, even if she doesn't feel the same.

Dad dies when you're 23. Mom is mentally ill, don't ruin yourself trying to save her. Buy bitcoin!

Take time to be a player of your own life, not just a spectator.

You think being a Jehovah's Witness is bad? Pro tip, move in with dad but don't be his friend. Don't fall for any kind of "modeling" scam he pulls on you.

Tighten the nuts on your bike every so often pal.

Get your thyroid checked out. Turns out major depressive disorder can be brought on by hypothyroidism. Who knew?

TELL YOUR MOM TO INVEST IN APPLE SHE'LL MAKE BANK

You're gonna be the happiest you've ever been, but it's going take another 30 years and a failed marriage to get there. Hang tough - it's worth it!