That would be the dopest snow white ever
this post was submitted on 07 Aug 2023
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For real. I’d actually go back to theaters for it
I'd pay 3 times the amount of a regular ticket to watch the scene where Terry Crews, in a gorgeous ball gown, is dancing with Prince Charming, and when realizing it's almost midnight, flexes his pecs, and yells goodbye before disappearing into the night.
Prince Charming then goes around trying to find the perfect pec flex. Alternatively, bicep circumference would also be acceptable as a glass slipper alternative.
Wrong movie plot, but I would seriously watch the fuck out of this.
I'm not sure that threatening to fight Andy Samberg is the best way to sign him into a movie. Then again, I don't know the guy...
He might be interested in checking it out. It would be the nicest gown ever worn in a wrestling match outside a theatre.
You're thinking Cinderella, not Snow White.
shhh, he's on a roll man
Let him cook!
Wait which ones Snow White?
The one with the seven dwarves. Which opens up a lot of interesting casting choices.
Then we cast Terry Crews for the other one too.
For Snow White, we need Danny Devito, Warwick Davis, Bridget Powers, Daniel Radcliffe, Elijah Wood, Gary Oldman, and Nicolas Cage for the roles of the dwarves. For the Wicked Queen, Andy Samberg, and the mirror is Margot Robbie using the Harley Quinn voice. If Margot is unavailable, we have Tom Cruise as Les Grossman as the mirror.
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How about this: Prince Charming tries to kiss the sleeping Snow White, but she wakes up and beats the hell out of him then lectures him on consent.
I'd watch that. But there should be a really good musical number called "Everything is rape without consent" or something... It probably wouldn't be appropriate for the target audience, but yes I agree with the point you're making: Snow White & Cinderella are way fucked.
White Chicks II: Bro White
Cinderella would be the prince going around with barbells trying to find the princess (Terry) who can lift them. Only he can carry the prince down the aisle.
I haven't seen a single Live Action demake but this would be my first for sure
demake
Someone give this guy some gold... wait where are we... I applaud your genius.
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One answer only this this thread!
chef's kiss
OP memes, but this unironically would slap.
"mirror, mirror, on the wall, who has the juiciest pecs of them all?"
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs: A Terry Crews Rendition
Scene 1: Snow White's Introduction
Snow White (Terry Crews) is introduced as a charismatic and strong character, loved by all animals in the forest. He's strong but gentle, charming, and not afraid to show his emotional side. He sings to the animals with a deep, booming voice, a hilarious contrast to the original character's high-pitched singing.
Snow White: (singing in deep voice) "I'm wishing, (I'm wishing) for the one I love, to find me, (to find me) today..."
Scene 2: Meeting the Huntsman
The Queen orders the Huntsman to bring back Snow White's heart. However, the Huntsman cannot bring himself to harm Snow White, who's flexing his muscles and humming a cheerful tune.
Huntsman: "I... I can't do it. Forgive me, Snow White."
Snow White: (flexing) "No worries, man. Everyone has a hard time dealing with these guns."
Scene 3: Discovering the Cottage
Upon discovering the dwarfs' cottage, Snow White starts cleaning. However, instead of the delicate tidying of the original, Terry Crews' Snow White lifts heavy furniture single-handedly and dusts with a peacock feather duster, all while maintaining a contagious cheerfulness.
Snow White: "Well, this place needs a little muscle love. Let's get to it!"
Scene 4: Meeting the Dwarfs
Snow White wins over the dwarfs with his charm and kindness. His interactions with the dwarfs are playful and endearing, unlike the traditional motherly role of the original Snow White.
Snow White: "You guys could use some protein in your diet. What do you say, tomorrow we start the day with a proper workout and a protein shake?"
Scene 5: The Poison Apple
When the Queen, disguised as an old woman, offers Snow White the poisoned apple, Snow White is hesitant but doesn't want to be rude. He takes a bite and collapses in a dramatic, comedic fashion.
Snow White: "An apple a day keeps the doctor away, right? But just to be sure... (flexes arm)...proteins are better."
Scene 6: The Prince's Kiss
When the Prince arrives to awaken Snow White, he's taken aback by Snow White's size. However, he's determined to break the spell. The moment is played for laughs, with the Prince struggling to lean over Snow White.
Prince: "I... I've come to break the spell..."
Snow White (waking up): "Did I hit the snooze button again?"
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Man. I don't watch much movies but I'd watch this 10 times in row. If it's a comedy or better...a serious comedy. The acting is serious but everything else isn't.
I would legit line up at the cinema for this. And I don't like going to the cinema.
Zach Galifianakis as Prince Charming and I’m in
Here's some others I'd be totally stoked about:
- Eric Andre (he really needs a breakout role)
- Leslie Jones
- Eddie Murphy
- RuPaul
- Charming Taintman
Edit: Fucking Terry Crews for both roles!
I wonder how the evil queen would dupe Terry Fucking Crews into eating a poisoned apple. I can only imagine her failing a number of times thanks to his dancing pecs
What if it was a poisoned stick of old spice?
Classic movie remade starring Terry Crews should be an entire genre.
I'm only watching if it's 100% serious. Terry acts as he acts and the entire rest of the movie is as written in the script. Full commit, no comedic rewriting. It's just Terry playing Snow White.
For the one that looks most right, Gal Gadot is probably the best from this list. For the movie I'm most likely to watch? The Terry Crews version would be worth it even if it sucks
If we can change the complexion of the character, we can change the gender, too! Go Terry!
I agree 100%.
Hats off to you, Potato_in_my_anus, for my biggest username laugh on Lemmy so far.
I mean if they're going to remake a movie, they should go out of their way to make it as different as possible. I for one would love to see the direction of a film with this casting goes.
I'd like to see a comedy where the Snow White story is playing out but the dwarves and woodland beings all choose Terry Crews. He's like, "Nah guys. I'm a carpenter. I think you've got the wrong person.". But they aren't hearing it and strongarm Terry into the role. The evil queen is the only other person to get it and they have to team to to fix the story.
I'd really like to see something where there is no explanation at all. Terry Crews is just Snow White.
Maybe Seth Rogan and a bunch of stoners are the dwarves.
No explanation at all, just as if it were a woman playing the roll.
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And just like regular democracy, the owners will show up last second to put their finger on the scale 😞
SnowyMcSnowface
Alexandra Daddario as 'Snow White' and Cate Blanchett as 'Evil Queen'.
I'm only watching if he wins.
a netflix original.
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