No Stupid Questions

Besides all the good advice in the thread, about condoms:

He should be somewhat comfortable with putting on condoms, he has to train that before it becomes necessary. There are plenty of videos explaining it, let him find them and check them out on his own terms. Let him know not every brand fits every man. He will need to overcome the awkwardness of buying them in drug stores or supermarkets, if he finds it awkward at all, he has to get over himself and do it. A possible motivation could be that if girls can buy their period products, he can buy his dick wraps.

I find it very commendable that you think about this problem!

When I was 14 my dad came into my room right before the homecoming dance and handed me a bunch of condoms. That was about all of the talk I got. That said, I was 19 when my first kid was born… but that is a whole different issue.

If he suddenly really wants to do his laundry one morning, don't ask questions. (Wet dreams and embarassment being the context here.)

That's about all I can think of that's gendered, really.

I was ~9 when I got the talk from my Dad, and it was basic stuff about just the mechanics. It set things up so that, around 13, I went to him with questions about how I was feeling re: puberty. So even now it'll be helpful to do the talk and show that you're available as a resource.

In your case, your son likely has some idea from internet pornography and whatever he got in school, but it would still be helpful to go through the basics with him. I'd frame it as "I'm sure you know most of this, but i just want to make sure you know what's important." It might also be helpful to make clear that pornography is as much acting as TV is - don't set his expectations on it, it's people faking things for money.

Going over the importance of condom use also helpful at his age. Keep in mind, it's not necessarily about what he's going to use right away, but making sure he knows when he does need to know.

Then, I'd just be there for him and ask if he has any questions, and answer them frankly. Tell him he can come back later if he's unsure.

It's awkward and tough I'm sure, but it'll be a help not just now, but going forward. Good luck!

This may be weird, but honestly I wish someone had just given me a copy of “she comes first” (a good book I still use today), and an Adam and Eve gift card. The last one I’ll give you one good reason: it’ll be a lot better if he’s fucking a toy than having sex as a teen. It’ll also make it a bit of a training experience, a lot of guys that age just want to know “what it’s like”.

I never received any kind of talk from my parents. Also, in my home country, during the communist era and even after, sex ed in schools was taboo. Crazy thing too, since it had (and still has) one of the highest teen pregnancy numbers in Europe.

Anyway, I did not want that with my kids. Luckily where we live now there is a strong sex ed program in schools, but also at home, we were always open. We talk about sex casually, we reiterate "always ask for consent" and "no means no", and my son even ratted out one of his school buddies who's a Tate fan. He knew that what the guy was saying was wrong, so they don't hang out anymore.

Also, sexuality. One of my daughters came out to us over dinner, so casually, "dad, I think I'm gay". I just said "cool" and gave an awkward fist bump.

Just be open, casual, don't make things weird.

By the time you are 14, you have probably figured out everything about yourself. Tell him what girls want and think at his age. When i was a kid, my friend was dead convinced that all girls prefer anal sex, cause "that doesn't hurt". He based that, I assume, entirely on porn he had seen.

I think the two big things I have to add are:

1. Don't let the church educate your son on these things.

2. Don't say nothing.

If you're unsure about talking to them about these things yourself, seek out a man you trust, talk to them about it and make sure your values align, and then talk to your son about them together.

Vocally theres gonna be cracks as it deepens. It sucks, nothing to be done.

There will be at least one wet dream if not more, Hydrogen peroxide soak, then wash with OxiClean should rock those stains as both are recommended for 'protein'. Wash cold.

Erections at random times will 100% happen. It's expected.

Acne will happen, body is a wreck of hormones. Use a new pillowcase nightly, do skincare, should largely be fine. If it gets wild prescription stuff might be needed.

Thats all the big puberty stuff really, short of whether the quarterback or head cheerleader makes his pp into the big pp but thats a whole other discussion.

John and Hank Green's CrashCoarse is about to release a new sex ed series. I watched their whole computers series and thought it was fantastic.

Your question immediate took my mind back to this 15+ year old clip. Maybe use it as an ice breaker😂. The moms awkward attempt is before where the link jumps.

As a side note…if he shares a shower with someone with long hair and you don’t use a hair strainer or something. The process of removing the clogged hair is gonna get a bit more gross.

My parents didn't really give me a talk, where I live we have pretty comprehensive sex education in school that starts at 8/9 and finishes around 14/15.

At 13, maybe he's already been given some kind of education about his body (especially since he already shaves and has already probably had wet dreams and discovered masturbation). Do you know what he already knows?

Family isn't going to work for you, but do you have male friends or work colleagues you trust enough to ask for advice?

Honestly, the majority of key points to talk about can be found online from respectable sources (for example, this article from Johns Hopkins, though there are many others). There is a better than even chance he has shady looked up the "Is this normal" stuff himself if he has normal internet access.

From a social standpoint it's going to be different for everyone, teenage years are hard and kids are often cruel. I'd advise to just be there for him on this front, but don't be pushy. He is going to be moody, lash out sometimes, and act differently. That is all normal. He is going to want to push boundaries and get in trouble (rather do things that will get him in trouble, most folks don't actually want to get in trouble). Give him safe room to explore who he is and to try new things without letting him fall down too hard.

Lastly, you say there are no trusted male figures in your life, but that doesn't have to be family. Good friends can also fill that space. I have to imagine there is some guy in your life that could have heart to heart, even just with you to then talk to your son. It's worth trying to broaden your expectation of what a trusted male figure is perhaps.

He probably has more of a clue about what happens with dudes than with women. Which you could tell him about.

Oh, one thing. If he's circumcised he probably uses some kind of lube to masturbate. It might not be condom compatible though. So if he has sex and they use lube because they've heard it hurts less then they could break the condom. That's not commonly discussed. I don't think you have to discuss how silicone lubes aren't great with sex toys.

Then you should probably talk to him about hurting during sex. Foreplay should be nice enough that you could do it all the way to orgasm. Whether it's a vagina or a butthole it shouldn't hurt by the time you put an erect penis in there. Taylor Tomlinson has a bit about how growing up Christian was good for her sex life because it meant she did everything up to "the deed". And porn, as others have mentioned, has a tendency to skip those bits. And kissing is also foreplay!

Speaking of comedy, Jerry Seinfeld did a bit about him watching a laundry commercial for a product that could also remove blood. And he jokes about how he isn't a serial killer so why would he need that. So tell your son a bit about sanitary bins, pads that don't always get everything while you are sleeping, stuff like that. It's not scary and he shouldn't be Menstrual Guy ally supreme but he needs to be told things he can't experience himself.

Lots of great replies, just want to add that if he's uncircumcised and you haven't covered the topic yet; washing under the foreskin is important hygiene. Same with washing his ass while we're on the topic of hygiene.

As a father, I didn’t even know what to do or expect, we’re all messy, gross, and dumb at that age. The path I chose, was if they knew enough to ask a question, it was time for a discussion. Just pay attention, offer a safe environment for questions and be honest. Most of what they need to learn the world with teach them. Be there to fact check and maybe even learn together. Last tip… WE made biology gross and taboo, WE can make it less so for our kids.