this post was submitted on 04 Dec 2024

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Why do I tend to reply in the same amount of time it took my friends to? (self.nostupidquestions)

submitted 23 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago) by chrischryse to c/nostupidquestions

13 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Fro some reason without paying much attention to the time duration it took a friend to reply I always end up replying within the same amount of time as my friends without thinking much of it, then I’ll see the time they sent the message.

If a friend replies in an hour I typically respond probably subconsciously in an hour (plus or minus 10 minutes), then realize it took them an hour after I respond. Idk why.

Is this something "normal"? Does anyone else do this?

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago)

I tend to do this as well, I'm not sure why but I generally respond proportional to how long it took for my friend to respond

I think it might just be human nature, because I had a friend who I would talk to and we would respond back very commonly Within two or three minutes of sending the message, and then they went into a mental Funk where they weren't looking at Discord anymore. Due to this they started being hella delayed in responding, and I found that the longer delay that it took them to respond the longer that it took me to respond. The counterpart is also true, when she came out of being in that funk the delay went away again I've never actually noticed that before and it's really weird

I think it might just be something that is common nature for socialization, I think we subconsciously use how long it takes them to respond as a judgment of what is considered appropriate for response time and then without realizing it partake the same way

[–] [email protected] 21 points 21 hours ago

At a guess, I'd say it's confirmation bias

[–] [email protected] 3 points 16 hours ago

I used to do these things unconsciously. I'd read the message from the notification, and reply some time later on. So you're not the only one.

But now I notice when I'm about to do it, and instead just reply when I can. If it just arrived I'll reply now.

Only cases nowadays is when a reply requires thought and space of mind for me to reply. so I read the message and remind myself later to re read and reply.

As other mentioned before, I don't see a point in hiding the fact that I was using my phone at this second. There's nothing wrong or shameful about it. Sometimes you're more available, sometimes less. If the other side is busy they'll just reply when they can. you don't need to hold for them.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Subconscious reciprocity due to insecurity and not wanting to annoy.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 hours ago

Much better than those people that send 10 messages one after the other as they think of each thought, and your smartwatch is left vibrating for the next minute 😅

[–] PP_BOY_ 8 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

I think most people do it, too. Probably just one of those weird human things.

On one hand, it's a bad to look "desperate" and on the other hand, I assume that if they're taking a while to respond, they're probably busy and I should hit them up later.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 18 hours ago (2 children)

it's a bad to look "desperate"

I see this from time to time, and really all I can think is “do people really think like this?”

I work from home and a lot of times while waiting for CI I take a look at my phone and oftentimes I get texts and respond immediately.

Who is it exactly that would perceive this as desperate? I’m not going to hide the fact I was at my phone when I was just to make people think higher of me, and I really don’t understand this thinking at all.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

I agree with what you're saying. if you just happen to be on the phone when someone texts, there's no problem in answering immediately.

I don't think anyone is "desperate" is they reply quick. I just think they replied quick.

If I think they're busy and don't wanna interrupt, then they'll just read the message at their own time. Don't see any reason to play these games.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 hours ago

Me neither. I don’t expect texting to be instant either and basically have the same attitude you do.

I remember for the longest time family would be angry that I texted them at night, and I’d always think to myself “then just respond later?”

[–] [email protected] 1 points 16 hours ago

If you respond instantly at any point during the day it can mean you're not doing anything the entire day or you're actually desperate for interaction. If you don't feel secure in your relationship with someone you might want them to think you have a lot going on.

Also, some research shows being less available can make you seem more valuable. This article is related to business relationships but it's the same principle. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/05/18/smarter-living/benefits-of-being-scarce.html

[–] [email protected] 2 points 18 hours ago

I’d say that’s pretty typical. Nobody wants to pester or to leave someone hanging, but that timeframe is different for every relationship.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 22 hours ago

It's probably that you have a similar or even shared microbiome. Similar living conditions, or maybe your vibes/rythms just sync up over time.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 22 hours ago

probably people just take about that long to decide what to say and type it out