this post was submitted on 30 Nov 2024
381 points (99.7% liked)

The Onion

4703 readers
988 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
top 9 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

Now I'm imagining self-replicating hair tangles, akin to how a prion causes proteins to misfold. Take care not to get to close to someone infected with one or the knot might brush your hair and induce it to knot in the same manner.

The nightmare scenario would be a screaming mass of people bound together helplessly by their intertwined hair knots, binding anyone who comes close to attempt a rescue into the same hellish ball. The only solution would be to hose them down with industrial-strength Nair from a safe distance.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 weeks ago

Human Rat Kings

[–] topherclay 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Overuse of industrial strength Nair gives rise to Nair resistant super hairs.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago

Switch to fire at that point.

[–] atomicorange 3 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I feel like there has to be a Junji Ito comic about this.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago

or an SCP entry

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago

rat kings are a real phenomenon where rats have their tails somehow tangled together, you have created the human king (somehow worse than regular monarchs)

[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 weeks ago

Oh man, I ate the onion on this one. I am ashamed.

[–] werefreeatlast 2 points 3 weeks ago

I used detangler "down there" and now I gotta walk around with this hoover vacuum stuck to my pubes.