this post was submitted on 22 Nov 2024
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What’s the worst Harry Potter theory you’ve ever heard? (i.imgur.com)
submitted 4 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (2 children)

Oh boy, where to begin? There's a bunch that range from implausible, to unsettling, to simply absurd:

  • Crookshanks used to live with the Potters
  • Hagrid is a Death Eater
  • Voldemort's rudimentary body was Bertha Jorkins' unborn child
  • Draco actually loved Hermione
  • McGonagall had an affair with Crookshanks
  • Harry hallucinated the events of all seven books
  • Wizards used to sh*t on the floor and vanish the evidence
  • Snape was Harry's real father the whole time
  • Mrs Norris is a maledictus and Filch's wife
  • Voldemort secretly had a daughter
[–] jacksilver 1 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Voldemort secretly having a daughter isnt just a fan theory, "Delphi" is a character in "The Cursed Child" and plays a pivotal role in the plot - https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Potter_and_the_Cursed_Child. Since JK Rowling was involved in the play, she considers it cannon (however terrible a play and decision that may be).

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago

Haha, good catch. I concede that its not a bad theory in that case, it's... just bad. Same with wizards sh*tting on the floor, actually.

[–] Chiarottide 3 points 4 days ago (2 children)

I'm pretty sure the shitting on the floor theory is actually a quote from the fourth book, also they don't wear underwear when wearing tunics and robes

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

It is not from a book, but I think Rowling made the statement herself on pottermore or its Twitter account. In my opinion it doesn't make any sense though as firstly the vanishing spell is too complex for pupils under grade ~4 and secondly why would there be all the pipes in Hogwarts then? Did Salazar Slytherin secretly plumb through the whole castle for his little snakey to murder sneakily and nobody noticed?

[–] Chiarottide 2 points 2 days ago

Yeah, it didn't make a lot of sense. The no underwear thing comes from a quote from the fourth book of an old wizard "liking a healthy breeze round his privates" when offered a pair of pants. I guess it's up to interpretation how much breeze he considers healthy

[–] SwordInStone 4 points 4 days ago

no and no

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 days ago (1 children)

If you seek to destroy the individually evil without dealing with the structural problems of your society, you safe the world.

Great take on liberalist contrafactual ideology in harry potter (core of the matter in 2nd half): https://youtu.be/-1iaJWSwUZs?si=s38CyAHt_ieW50Im

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

Huh, thanks for sharing. I haven't finished it yet, but it is an interesting analysis so far, if a bit dry and long.

[–] Karjalan 2 points 3 days ago

You just described shaun to a tea. Fantastic analysis, bit dry and long.

Love his work

[–] Winged_Hussar 12 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (2 children)

Ginny drugging Harry in HBP

Horcrux Harry caused the Dursley's to be awful

Which this one isn't too crazy I guess

And finally: Dracomalfoyisawerewolf.com

[–] SwordInStone 2 points 2 days ago

I like the werewolf one.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Horcrux Harry isn’t that bad of a theory IMO. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[–] Winged_Hussar 12 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I'd agree - plus it's interesting to think what might have become of the Dursley's of they hadn't had to watch over him then.

I think my main question with it is that no one else Harry spends a lot of time with turns that way. Although, you could definitely argue that it's because everyone else are wizards, or that the others he did live with were at Hogwarts and there's some sort of protection.

Dumbledore also may have figured out horcruxs sooner to if Harry was infecting the Dursley's

Theory has a lot going for it though!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Harry spent 10 uninterrupted years at the Dursleys, much longer than anyone else - and very few people would have started with the same level of antagonism towards Harry as the Dursleys (due to Petunia’s childhood jealousy).

I’m sure regardless, they would have ended up horrid people regardless - but perhaps much less so.

In my own head-canon, I have a visual of a knock coming to the (adult) Potters door one rainy evening in the future. Harry opens the door to find a drenched Dudley, head lowered and shoulders slumped, with a Hogwarts acceptance letter scrunched in his fist. His daughter is a witch!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

His daughter is a witch

That's a fairly popular one, though (I think) refuted by the author. Nonetheless, it is an interesting idea to explore.

[–] AngryCommieKender 1 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

It's not a bad theory per se. Filch is a poltergeist. If Peeves is the manifestation of the students rule breaking and mischief, then Filch is the manifestation of the staff attempting to get the very same students to obey the rules. It nicely explains what the heck he is even doing there.

It of course doesn't explain what the heck Mrs. Norris was doing. She's clearly not a poltergeist, as she gets killed in CoS

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

as she gets killed in CoS

She's not killed, just petrified. They revive her at the end along with Hermione, Justin, Colin, and Penelope.

[–] AngryCommieKender 2 points 2 days ago

Ahh, haven't read the books or seen the movies in years, my mistake

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I actually don't know many Harry Potter theories, which one does do you know about?

do you have a worst one?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 days ago (1 children)

The picture probably refers to the "Ron is Dumbledore theory" https://screenrant.com/harry-potter-dumbledore-time-travel-ron-theory-explained/

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 days ago

thanks! that was a fun read.

now I want to read all those theories.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 days ago

I thought the Pic implied catholic shenanigans between the boy and old man.

is this part of the movie with their "wands choosing the wizard " line?

i dunno haven't see it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago

If you haven't heard about Snapewives, then perhaps you should look up this video A Deep Dive into Potterheads - Invidious link