this post was submitted on 19 Nov 2024
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I said, “Good luck!” to our grandson before his soccer game, because that’s what you say. Or it’s at least what I tend to say.

But then I thought about Formula 1 driver George Russell, and about how simple phrases, often repeated, can chart larger courses.

Take praise. Say you tended to receive this type of praise when you were a kid:

“Wow, you figured that out so fast. You are so smart!” 
“Wow, you are amazing. You got an A without studying!“

Both sound great, but another message hides inside each statement:

“If you don’t figure things out quickly, you must not be very smart.”
“If you do have to study, you must not be amazing.”

Over time, that type of praise can result in a fixed rather than growth mindset: You assume you are what we are, and that you can’t change who you are. You’re smart. Or not. You’re skilled. Or not. You’re athletic. Or not.

Now say you tended to received this type of praise:

“Wow! I can tell you worked really hard.”
“Wow! I know that wasn’t easy, and I’m proud of you for sticking with it.”

By praising results based on effort, you help foster a growth mindset, one where success or initial failure seems due more to time and application, not innate talent. Luck Matters

Which brings us back to “good luck.”

A study published in Physics and Society found that luck plays an outsize role in exceptional success. In fact, as the researchers write, “almost never do the most talented people reach the highest peaks of success, being overtaken by mediocre but sensibly luckier individuals.”

On the flip side, our culture tends to assign exceptional merit “to people who, at the end of the day, could simply have been luckier than others.”

So, yeah: Luck matters.

But you can only partly “control” luck. Sure, you can benefit from motion. From awareness. From being unique. But you can’t hop out of the car and be lucky.

Nor did you play poorly, or lose a game, because you were unlucky. But Everything Else You Do Matters More

Plus, saying “good luck” often enough can change the recipient’s perspective on achieving goals. A study published in Personality and Individual Differences found that belief in luck is an adaptive cognitive process, one that could cause someone to see events more as outside of rather than within their control.

Which brings me back to George Russell. A couple years ago I ran into the Mercedes driver the morning of the Miami Grand Prix. As I started to walk away, I said, “Good luck.”

Even though he nodded, I could tell the phrase landed wrong. “I guess luck has nothing to do with it,” I said.

“Exactly,” he said, with a much more emphatic nod. “It’s all about how hard you work.” Helpful Encouragement

What could I have said to our grandson before his game? “Have fun!” would have worked, because having fun should be the point of youth sports.

It also works with adults. As I walked onstage to do the keynote at the Arabian Business Awards, the stage manager said, “Have fun!” Fun? I thought. I’m scared to death. Later, I realized he was right. If a sales rep has worked hard on a product demo, try saying, “You’ve put in a ton of work. You’ll be great. Have fun!”

Or what could you say to people when they are about to do something challenging, or when you assign an employee a difficult task? “I know you can pull this off, because you never give up” signals the fact application, and growth–not natural talent–is the foundation of success.

Or you can take a counterintuitive approach and say, “This will be really hard.” A study published in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found that clearly describing the difficulties someone will face in achieving a goal can actually increase their level of self-control–and help them persevere when they face setbacks or obstacles. When you expect to face obstacles, finding the resolve to work through those obstacles is often easier.

Whatever you say, leave luck out of it. Even though luck may eventually play a role, you can’t control luck. But you can control how hard you work, and whether you stay the course. And whether you decide–because it is a decision–to have a little fun along the way.

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[–] CuddlyCassowary 12 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (3 children)

I don’t like the underlying premise that you should tell another person how to behave at all. “Have a nice day!” “Have fun.” Anything along those lines. What is largely overlooked as an option in this post is that if you get in touch with your own joy / excitement / appreciation / etc. the experience brings you and are able to communicate that to the giver, that is generally very effective.

I’ve noticed a trend where people are saying “I appreciate you,” and while that can sound a bit trite depending on delivery, at least it indicates that for that moment, their thinking was focused on how your behavior positively contributed to their day.

So, I do my very best to be authentic and say things like, “I’m so happy to be part of this with you.” “I can’t wait to watch you perform.” And even for F1 drivers, “I want you to know how much I’ve been looking forward to this, and how much I value what you do out there.”

“Good luck” is a bit of a totem statement. Sure, it’s largely out of anyone’s control, but another way it can be interpreted is “there are a lot of variables in what you’re about to do, and I hope they all work in your favor.” You see this sentiment in numerous forms, “bon voyage,” “safe travels,” “may the winds be ever in your favor” (we all say this all the time, right?). It’s not meant to downplay what someone has put into their own efforts, but to acknowledge that ON TOP of that the world is an unpredictable place. It basically translates to, “I’m rooting for you!”

Personally, I would much rather hear “good luck,” than “have fun.” If you’ve ever been told to “Smile!” when you’re not feeling it, that’s how “Have fun!” can come across. So for a soccer game, I would say something like, “I’m super excited to watch you play! I’ll be cheering my head off for ya!” You are telling them that their hard work and effort is meaningful to you, regardless of the outcome. If you’re really into saying “have fun,” at least “I hope you have fun out there,” turns it into less of a mandate and more just good wishes.

So, good luck with figuring out what to say…

[–] BradleyUffner 10 points 2 days ago (2 children)

In my mind, when I say things like "have a nice day", I'm not telling them to have a nice day. It's more of a short hand for "I hope you have a nice day".

[–] CuddlyCassowary 1 points 2 days ago

And that largely works when you know the receiver has been brought up with the same social context and background for the expression, but relying on that can leave the door cracked for misinterpretation. Probably not a huge risk, but over time nuances can make a difference.

[–] jaggedrobotpubes 2 points 1 day ago

Yeah knowing that other people get to have their agency is a good thing to keep front and center.

[–] Crackhappy 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Thank you for your rebuttal, I find both stances to be interesting and quite useful ways to think about how I interact with others, sometimes with effects that aren't intended. I race online with people almost every day, and before every race I say things like "I hope you have a great race!" Or 'I hope you have a great time racing today." I'll be sure to watch my phrasing but I think that generally I'm happy with the message I am conveying.

[–] CuddlyCassowary 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

To your point adding “I hope…” makes a huge difference! I’m sure some would say that’s implied in “Have a great race,” but human brains aren’t always the best at picking up inferences, especially when stress is in the mix, so why not take a half second longer to make sure the underlying meaning is clear? (As you do!)

Linguistic psychology is some interesting stuff. Once you delve into it outside of English, that rabbit hole seems never ending…heck, even just sticking with English!

[–] Crackhappy 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I hope your day is bright and your sleep is long and deep.

[–] CuddlyCassowary 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

lol - and now we sound like a community for Irish toasts! Sláinte!

[–] Crackhappy 2 points 1 day ago

This is my favorite toast, only appropriate when everyone is already drunk.

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