ive heard of a shower beer... but this seems more like the result of a shower joint

The variable C stands for cookie, not light speed.

There is a disparity between the Earth's, Life's, and the Universe's clock speeds.

Light speed is an irrelevant convention to the speed of causality.

We are like electrons that exist in a time delay circuit for an irrelevant blip, while the hardware chugs along, and we imagine ourselves the PC Master Race.

This is a misunderstanding of quantum mechanics.

The idea that the universe is "not locally real" suggests that particles don't have definite properties until they are measured, with their states potentially correlated over distances through quantum entanglement. This doesn't mean that only observed things exist; rather, it indicates that certain properties are simply indeterminate until measurement (or "observation")

In quantum mechanics, "observation" refers to the interaction that causes a system's wave function to collapse from multiple potential states into one actual state. This process affects the state of the system but does not imply that reality is created solely by observation, nor does it require a sentient observer

Edit: sorry to be a party pooper! I did enjoy reading your post

The Speed of Light is NOT About Light

If the universe is indeed a simulation, those would be reasonable assumptions to govern how we react to it. However, the former is still unfalsifiable.

Hard drive space might be bottlenecked by the holographic principle.

You are bottlenecked at memory speed on von Neumann machines.

I've often had the thought that the universe is a simulation.

Like, why are there hard physical limitations on things like the speed of light? That doesn't make a lot of sense for a natural system. Also what kind of bullshit is it that if you move super fast time goes slower?

The universe is a simulation, but it's not very well put together.

the study that found the universe is not locally real. Things only happen once they are observed

This is only true if you operate under a very specific and strict criterion of "realism" known as metaphysical realism. Einstein put forward a criterion of what he thought this philosophy implied for a physical theory, and his criterion is sometimes called scientific realism.

Metaphysical realism is a very complex philosophy. One of its premises is that there exists an "absolute" reality where all objects are made up of properties that are independent of perspective. Everything we perceive is wholly dependent upon perspective, so metaphysical realism claims that what we perceive is not "true" reality but sort of an illusion created by the brain. "True" reality is then treated as the absolute spacetime filled with particles captured in the mathematics of Newton's theory.

The reason it relies on this premise is because by assigning objects perspective invariant properties, then they can continue to exist even if no other object is interacting with them, or, more specifically, they continue to exist even if "no one is looking at them." For example, if you fire a cannonball from point A to point B, and you only observe it leaving point A and arriving at point B, Newtonian mechanics allows you to "track" its path between these two points even if you did not observe it.

The problem is that you cannot do this in quantum mechanics. If you fire a photon from point A to point B, the theory simply disallows you from unambiguously filling in the "gaps" between the two points. People then declare that "realism is dead," but this is a bit misleading because this is really only a problem for metaphysical/scientific realism. There are many other kinds of realism in literature.

For example, the philosopher Jocelyn Benoist's contextual realism argues that the exact opposite. The mathematical theory is not "true reality" but is instead a description of reality. A description of reality is not the same as reality. Would a description of the Eiffel Tower substitute actually seeing it in reality? Of course not, they're not the same. Contextual realism instead argues that what is real is not the mathematical description but is precisely what we perceive. The reason we perceive reality in a way that depends upon perspective is because reality is just relative (or "contextual"). There is no "absolute" reality but only a contextual reality and that contextual reality we perceive directly as it really is.

Thus for contextual realism, there is no issue with the fact that we cannot "track" things unambiguously, because it has no attachment to treating particles as if they persist as autonomous entities. It is perfectly fine with just treating it as if the particle hops from point A to point B according to some predictable laws and relative to the context in which the observer occupies. That is just how objective reality works. Observation isn't important, and indeed, not even measurement, because whatever you observe in the experimental setting is just what reality is like in that context. The only thing that "arises" is your identification.