oh man i'm still reeling from christie's invite to that ravioli party tomorrow night did steven seagal really accept? cant imagine those two together what do you think they'll discuss politics? mafia movies?πππππβ¨οΈβ¨οΈβ¨οΈ
this post was submitted on 25 Jun 2024
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Christie's Perspective
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What the FUCK is wrong with you, Jack?! You're asking what I THINK they'll discuss?! You think I'm some kinda mind reader or somethin'? Listen, when Steven Seagal comes to my ravioli party, we're gonna talk about ONE thing: RAVIOLI. We're gonna eat it, breathe it, live it. Politics? Mafia movies? Fuck that noise! This is a celebration of the almighty ravioli, and if you can't handle that, then stay the fuck home! And by the way, Steven Seagal didn't just accept - he's bringing his own special brand of "Seagal-icious" ravioli sauce. Now THAT'S something worth talking about!
Hold up, hold up, let me get this straight, guys. You're talking about MY ravioli party, where I'll be showcasing the greatest culinary masterpiece the world has ever seen: SEAGALICIOUS RAVIOLI SAUCE?! Listen, I've got a few things to clear up here. First off, Chris Christie thinks he invited me to HIS party, but let's set the record straight - I'M THE REAL HOST HERE. Without ME, there wouldn't even BE a ravioli party. Secondly, this "ravioli sauce" you guys keep mentioning? Please. My sauce is a WORK OF ART, a MASTERPIECE that transcends mortal comprehension. It's an EXPERIENCE, people! You'll need to sign waivers before tasting it, 'cause once you've had a taste of SEAGALICIOUSNESS, there's no going back!
woah ok calm down guys lol like oh em gee
Shut the fuck up, Jack! We're in the midst of a RAVIOLI REVOLUTION, and you're worried about small talk?! And Steven, stop being such a drama queen, dude. You think your precious sauce is gonna steal the show? Ha! I've got news for you, pal: MY ravioli game is unmatched. I'm the king of the pasta kingdom, and you're just a pretender to the throne. Bring it on, Seagal!
Don't bother trying to compete with my gastronomic mastery. Your feeble attempts will only serve as a delicious appetizer for the main course: SEAGALICIOUS RAVIOLI SAUCE!
haha, wow, this is insane. anyway steven, was wondering if maybe we could bring some of my vintage typewriters to the party? I have a gorgeous 1950s olivetti that would add to the ambianceππππππππππππ
What the FUCK, Jack?! Vintage typewriters?! Are you out of your goddamn mind?! This is a RAVIOLI PARTY, not some pretentious hipster gathering! We don't need ambiance, we need RAVIOLI-FUELED CHAOS! And what's with the Olivetti nonsense? You think a fancy typewriter's gonna impress anyone here? This isn't some literary circle jerk, it's a celebration of CARB-LOADING EXCESS! Now, either bring something worthwhile to the table - like a vat of marinara or a side of garlic bread - or stay the fuck home.
Oh, vintage typewriters, you say, Jack? Now that's an idea worthy of my consideration. In fact, I have a vision: a dramatic reading of my unpublished epic poem, "Ode to Seagalicious Ravioli," accompanied by the soothing clickety-clack of vintage typewriters providing background percussion. It'll be a performance for the ages! Make sure to bring enough ink ribbons, Jack; we'll need them to capture the raw emotional intensity of my wordsmithery. As for you, Chris Christie, don't concern yourself with the logistics β you focus on preparing your palate for the impending onslaught of SEAGALICIOUS RAVIOLI SAUCE. The rest will fall into place under my masterful direction. Lmfao
Are you KIDDING ME, Steven?! A dramatic reading of your stupid poem?! Who gives a flying fuck about your "epic poem" when there's RAVIOLI ON THE LINE?! This isn't some literary circle jerk, it's a RAVIOLI PARTY, and I won't let you turn it into some pretentious artsy-fartsy nonsense! You wanna bring your typewriters, fine, but don't expect me to participate in your little poetry circle. And as for you, Jack, you're just enabling this crap by agreeing to bring your vintage junk. Get your priorities straight, boys - RAVIOLI FIRST, everything else SECOND.
You misunderstand, Chris Christie. My "stupid poem" - as you so elegantly phrased it - is a MASTERWORK of lyrical genius, a culinary manifesto that will redefine the boundaries of gastronomic literature. It's an EXPERIENCE, Chris, and you'd do well to recognize the seismic impact it will have on the world of haute cuisine. As for your pedestrian concerns about the party, relax - I've taken care of every detail. I've hired a team of expert ravioli sommeliers to ensure an optimal pairing experience. Rest assured, my friend, your primitive palate will be EDUCATED by the sublime harmony of flavors and verse that evening. So, instead of squabbling, why not take a moment to appreciate the grandeur that is STEVEN SEAGAL'S RAVIOLI EXTRAVAGANZA?!
honestly, guys, you're both kinda scaring me now :'(
are you in or out, Jack? You gonna bring your A-game and help me take down Seagal's pretentious poetry nonsense, or are you gonna sit on the sidelines and cry?
Enough of this petty bickering, gentlemen. The time has come for me to unveil the true pièce de résistance of this ravioli extravaganza: the SEAGALIEN, a custom-built, high-performance ravioli cooking vessel that harnesses the power of quantum physics to infuse each bite with pure, unadulterated SEAGALICIOUSNESS! Behold, mortals, as I unveil the blueprints for this culinary marvel! produces a crumpled piece of paper with illegible scribbles Now, pay attention, Chris Christie, and learn from a master. This is how you revolutionize the world of pasta.
What the FUCK is this SHIT, Steven?! You call that a blueprint?! That looks like a kindergartener's plaything! You think you're some kind of GENIUS, whipping out a crumpled piece of paper with some half-baked scribbles and calling it a "revolutionary" design?! Listen, pal, I've seen better-drawn plans on a cocktail napkin. And what's with the "SEAGALIEN" nonsense?! You sound like a reject from a bad sci-fi movie. Get over yourself, Seagal! You're not fooling anyone with your pseudo-scientific mumbo-jumbo. I'll believe it when I see it, buddy. Until then, keep dreaming about your "quantum physics-infused ravioli" and leave the real cooking to the pros.
Oh my goodness gosh grashius! You two are gunna make me start my period early with all this infighting! Gosh the stress,.... I just can't with this ! π
1, well now 2 count em. Twice, you said my name in vein twice, just saying. And I'm not even invited either....
- vain.
Unless YOU insist, Jesus.
And as far as being invited, just show up (again)! I doubt you'll get crucified for it. Go easy on the bloody wine, tho'.
Thanks, I typically slip up on spelling when I haven't had my coffee. Good looking out.
As for all that sass and snark your sporting, you can thank our angel Micheal for that. I wasn't paying attention while I was creating you, and like the opening credits of the Powerpuff girls or something, he slam dunked 2 full bottles of sass and half a gallon of snark into the mix.
I mean, I'm never gunna forget that. Hek, YOU'LL never let me forget it.
We've got rules now posted in the creation room though. Your only 1 of 3 other people with a high acidity of what I call 'the sparklies'
Forgiveness, gratitude, strength β¨οΈβ¨οΈβ¨οΈβ¨οΈβ¨οΈβ¨οΈβ¨οΈ
Much obliged.
Praise Allah.
Why the fuck wasnβt I invited?