this post was submitted on 26 May 2024
254 points (99.6% liked)

Not The Onion

11000 readers
1340 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
all 20 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 75 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Correct. Avocado ≠ Onion

[–] Viking_Hippie 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You should start a Lemmy community called NotAvocado about things that aren't avocado. I'd do it myself but I'm too lazy to find out how, let alone moderate it afterwards 😄

[–] ripcord 7 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

What about a pineapple? Is it an avocado?

Or a tough one - the Magna Carta?

[–] BigDaddySlim 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] Viking_Hippie 2 points 1 month ago

Definitely an avocado.

[–] Plopp 46 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Damn millennial bandits! Send out a warning to all toast manufacturers in the area asap!

[–] Diplomjodler3 14 points 1 month ago

Time to ban avocados. Then those millennials will finally be able to afford houses.

[–] SuckMyWang 10 points 1 month ago

My guacamole futures just went through the roof

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago

I might consider watch Fast and Furious again if Fast 11 contained a 40 ton avocado heist. The last one i saw was probably Fast 4

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago (1 children)

But I just got in the 120 tonnes of toast in!!! I need these back!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Your ratios are way off, consider going by volume instead.

Also: so you have the imported fancy sea salt?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

I figured that each avocado would be good for 3 toasts. And I have people in utah at some lake just trying to dry it out for that rare salt.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

And they will be valuable if they can sell them in the next 4 to 6 hours!

[–] Alexstarfire 14 points 1 month ago

.... aaaaaaand now they're all mush.

[–] robocall 11 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I hate that when I think about Mexican avocados I always think about cartels! IDK who is worse, chiquita or cartels!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Chiquita is a cartel. The list of heinous shit they're responsible for is absurd.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

They’ll probably launder them into real estate; possibly a penthouse in Dubai or a townhouse down the road from Buckingham Palace or something.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

I’ve played enough Animal Crossing to know that you have to pester two tanukis twice a day about the current going rate for your produce, and absolutely DO NOT keep them for longer than a week!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

fre sha vocado