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"Marry the Bible this year"
Soooo many problems with this according to their own stupid rules. Here's just a couple:
The things I have to explain to secular people. Obviously, everyone needs their OWN Bible. And if you had gone to Sunday School, you would know that Bibles have to be sexed. The male Bibles are the ones with the little ribbon you can use as a bookmark. And don't worry if some of the ribbon has been cut off, that just means it's an Old Testament.
My granddaddy worked as a Bible sexer on a Bible farm.
Did she milk the Bible too?
Mm, bibbel milk 🥛
My granddaddy was only assigned to be she at birth. How dare you!
Have kids with the bible. Own a van full of bible kids. Buy a house in the bible suburbs.
Post baby Bible photos on bookface and pretend your life is better than it is. Fight with your Bible spouse in public but in hushed tones. File for Bible divorce but learn you can neither marry, nor divorce a book so you were never really married to begin with. It was just a weird ceremony you held alone in your basement surrounded by stuffed animals. 🧸
Take the eldest bible to soccer practice, eye up other bible’s mums. Secretly hook up with another bible’s mum and…..
Dangit, sometimes I should read the comments first, you beat me to it LOL! 👍
Absolutely read the bible. All of it, from start to finish.
Read all the insane, perverted, racists, sexist and slavery endorsing parts, then tell me you still believe this is a book written by an all powerful, all knowing and all loving God.
insane, perverted, racist, sexist AND slavery endorsing?
That's everything i'm looking for in a partner! I'm gonna marry that book!
Slam your Cock in the Bible
Every time you think "impure" thoughts.
Pie Jesu Domine, dona eis requiem...
Whump!
Have sex with the bible.
At a medium pace.
Missionary position only?
I sodomize my bible.
Too horny on main
This year’s hottest Halloween costume: Sexy Bible
This year’s hottest Halloween costume: Sexy Bible
Not to be confused with the even more risque costume: Slutty Bible
Maybe invite the Bible for a movie and dinner first?
Download the Bible. Translate the Bible. Read the Bible. Memorize the Bible. Eat the Bible. Shit the Bible.
Ok but why does it have to be this year? All the good convention venues in my area are fully booked.
Don't forget to make babies with the Bible.. 😂