ADHD

It feels like the activity is partaking of me rather than the reverse

Thanks for giving me these words to describe the feeling so well. I don't feel interested and passionate... I feel consumed and dominated.

Now that I think about it, lots of words that describe focus have etymologies that feel appropriately sinister. Captivated, enthralled, enraptured, fascinated, bewitched, mesmerized, hooked - all related to being controlled against your will.

I forget to eat all the time due to hyper focusing. I'll hyperfocus on an activity as a way to avoid doing a chore, and then the chore never gets done. I'll start hyper focusing at 8pm and next time I look at the clock it's 3am. It absolutely has drawbacks. The best way to get out of it (for me, at least) is to set an alarm (if I can remember).

I don’t like to call it hyperfocus because of this narrative that it is a “superpower”. It is still inappropriate focus. Barkley calls it “perseveration”, which seems more accurate to me. Yes I can get things done, but at the cost of an inability to observe time and by causing me to forget everything else, including food.

Medication has been wonderful but it isn’t perfect, and I find that it takes work for me not to overcorrect and lapse into too deep a state of focus.

As for exhaustion, I used to get that when I was undermedicated. At the appropriate dose, I’m fine. My “natural” state of perseveration of focus usually comes with much larger baggage (eg. blind panic at a looming deadline) so it’s hard to ascribe the exhaustion to the act of focusing.

My psychologist explained that it is hard to feel happy, satisfied, or fullfilled if you're exhausted. Happiness required energy.
Students who have just finished a long exam are a great example. They've just spent hours focusing as hard as they can, and they're all exhausted. Not many would describe themselves as happy immediately after.

Hyper focusing can use a lot of energy even though you're not aware of it. When you finally stop, you become aware of just how little energy you have left.

My psychologist recommended mindfulness. Recognise when you're exhausted, be aware of the causes (lack of rest, food, water...), and accept that it will take time for you to start feeling better again.

Understanding what's happening can make the symptoms more bearable.

I'll never understand why some people talk about hyperfocus like it's a good thing. Sure, I may have gotten the task done but I also didn't pee, eat, drink, or even move for multiple hours straight. I have issues with stopping when I'm in that state even if I'm experiencing discomfort. I also live alone so there's no one around to help me out of it.

Taking my meds helps a lot. It's funny because I know a lot of us take ADHD meds to help focus more. I guess I do too but it's more like it gives me more control of what I'm focusing on.

I relate very much.

The meds actually make this worse, but without the meds I'm a mass of stress, since stress is what I used instead of an executive function.

I have typically performed highly in what do as a main activity, like school or work. But soon I start resenting the person that hyperfocuses, because that person leaves me with nothing. So far I've burned out of most of my activities and changed careers twice. Lately I decided to get into gardening 'to relax' and it ended up the same.

It feels almost like the show Severance, even though I mostly remember what I did, but like you said, it's as if it had been a dream.

I haven't had any super long hyperfocus sessions, but I do feel somewhat disoriented when I come back. I feel like it has been better since I started my medication, or I haven't done anything that hyperfocus activated for lately xD

My biggest issue is starting with things on my to do-list, especially if they have been there a long time.

Earlier this year I started listening to Hacking your ADHD and tried a few tips/tools he brought up and it's easier when I keep following them, I usually listen in the car in the morning and when I hear things that I think would help me I'm out of luck because it's usually gone by the time I get out of the car, sometimes I remember to write a small reminder to check it out later.

Sorry if there are any mistakes, English isn't my first language.

It’s a mixed bag for sure. If I hyperfocus on a project I care about then I’m at least happy about the progress, and I do enjoy the process while it's happening. But if I hyperfocus on some frustrating ass task that I thought would take 20 minutes but ends up taking all day then I feel less good.

Either way, at the end of a big hyperfocus session I feel like I squeezed all the brain juice out of myself.

I had a job interview at the end of one of those once and I felt so brain dead I was forgetting basic words. I literally apologized to the interviewer about it. Luckily she was understanding.

To offer the other perspective, I usually enjoy the hyperfocus phases. While I often can't choose what I will hyperfocus on, 9 out of 10 times it will either me something that needs to be done that is on my mind or something I really want to do that my mind kept circling around until it finally gets hijacked to do only this one thing. Rarely is it something I don't like.

Hyperfocus for me happens fairly frequently if the circumstances are there. That is quiet alone time while not under huge stress. That's when that usually happens for me. So in a not too busy week it might happen 5 out of 7 days roughly. Sometimes daily and sometimes like once a week or so. Usually on my day off or slowest day of the week.

Since it happens so often I prepared ready to drink beverages in my office and other places that my mind will allow me to grab while focusing. Same for healthy snacks. Usually nuts.

This keeps the exhaustion and headaches in check for the most part. Also not living alone helps. If I disappear in the shed or my office or in the garden for too long my wife will usually check in on me.

But most of it just feels good. If the focus goes to a hobby activity or researching into a topic I find interesting. To me it's just a great time. I might regret not having done more chores instead of 8 hours of building a miniature castle ruin. But at least I had fun.

If the focus goes to something that needs to be done like work related stuff then afterwards it feels good to have it off the list. I'll feel exhausted but productive. Often I might have overdone the task and it could have been done way less thoroughly. But at least it's done and usually done well.

The only issue is if it goes to something that isn't useful nor interesting. The whole time I wonder why the fuck am I even doing this but I can't stop. This rarely happens which I am grateful for. It's really annoying when it does though and I feel for everyone who gets this regularly.

I don't subscribe to it being a super power even though I experience it as mostly beneficial to slightly annoying. It would be if we could choose what I focus on and when. But we can't, so it isn't. It just grabs you and you are along for the ride so hope you like where it's going. I'm just lucky that for me it usually works out.

My partner and I call it a hyperfocus hangover.

I often don't remember anything of what I have done, for me it's often like a blackout, i have cleaned my own room, to then not know where anything is because I hyper focused

It depends. If I get into a really interesting book, and then spend several hours reading, I sometimes feel like that. Like I got so sucked into the world of the book that I left this one. Sometimes at the end of a really long, really good movie I feel the same. It doesn't feel as bad as you describe though. Just kind of disorienting.

If I get into a flow state at work it feels fantastic. At the end I feel tired, but in a good way. I can relax and usually kind of revel in whatever was created during the flow state. It feels so good, I have to be careful not to overindulge. If I don't watch it, I'll ignore all the boring work that's not likely to get me into a flow.

I highly recommend anyone with ADHD to look into flow state theory.