The Onion

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The Onion

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Boeing Promotes Mysterious Employee Known Only As ‘The Panther’ (www.theonion.com)

submitted 3 months ago by The_Picard_Maneuver to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 116 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Agent 747

[–] The_Picard_Maneuver 23 points 3 months ago

Bravo

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago

You're hired. Report to Chicago on Monday.

[–] DigitalTraveler42 53 points 3 months ago

Only the Onion would write an article about the promotion of a corporate hitman/fixer after a Boeing whistleblower was just "suicided" IRL, and make it hilarious.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I freaking thought " of course". Reality has gotten so stupid I didn't even think for a second this was fake.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Soon enough, Onion stories will start predicting the future

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

I think they actually did a few years ago. I don't remember the article, but it might have been one about Bush Jr

[–] Retreaux 1 points 3 months ago

I read the article they wrote like 15 years (or more) ago about the US sneaking out of Afghanistan in the middle of the night like a one-night stand. And then I read an article describing the actual occurrence when it happened and so many details were spot-on it was scary.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

So dumb. The shareholders end up paying the costs for this.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The shareholders helped fund the murder of John Barnett.

[–] agent_flounder 5 points 3 months ago

I'm sure the ROI estimate checked out.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Is he the one who killed John Barnett?

[–] homesweethomeMrL 6 points 3 months ago

Well, he could tell you . . . but then

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Could it be an alter ego of Agent 47?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Come on man. That's obviously the joke.