me_irl

Why are you being so nice to me? You want something don't you... wait you just like being around me. No, that can't be it.

Had a therapy session today where my therapist asked 10x how my boyfriend's recent romantic actions made me feel and it took a lot of guidance to get to "loved". That shit is wild for someone who lived a life without it.

I am in this picture and I don't like it

Had a woman on a dating app spend 3 months convincing me to go on a date with her. I was like, "this is fake." and she was like "is it that impossible of an idea that someone would want to spend time with you?" I finally met her. we ended up sleeping together.... like immediately. I didn't want to, but went along with it because I didn't want to make her feel bad by rejecting the idea (despite the fact I already did once). The next day I felt used, like sleeping with me was all she wanted. Ended up not ghosting, but going so cold on communication I might as well have. She ended up feeling used as well, and moved on quickly.

Moral of the story? I dunno. I'm working on it. stopped trying to date after that and a near-firing incident at work, just been doing the depression work from home shuffle for 6 months. But I've started dieting/working out again, so that's nice.

Pro-Tip: you're worthy of love, despite what you tell yourself.

I'm pretty sure that hands away to hit me still... years of figuring out why it happened and why they couldn't stop themselves didn't really change anything, I'd thought finding that out would fix it, only a little part of it really. Still working on it, we all get through it eventually,

first off, not all of them like being called "it" or "trap"

I don't really think I'm traumatized but I have the same thing as soon as someone I don't know quite well says something nice to me.

The basis of literally every Christopher Titus stand-up and his show