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You have a hard road. My aunt had a parallel type of situation. Her husband became an FBI fugitive for some very bad decisions. Not a bad man, just very poor judgement. She had to declare him missing.
I wish you some kind of swift resolution. Please know this: it is hard, but manageable. Others have made similar journeys. Get help as you can and find your own strength. You can get through this to find peace again.
Thank you. I’m going to declare him missing soon. I’m just bracing myself for the embarrassment when he is found with some other woman, or perhaps even a new family, at this point.
If I can offer something...
Those are not your embarrassment. My father confessed to his other daughter only as he was dying. She was 30 at the time - I was over 40. He had hidden her from us for all that time, disguising all of his time with her as business meetings.
Before he died, my mom got to hold HIS first grandchild while she still had none. She held my stepsister blameless - all she had done was be born. And my mom cried at my father's wake - they had a lot of years together, and some were good. But we've all moved on. It's been 20 years since he died.
My advice is to let the past stay in the past. It was, and reliving it won't make it different. Be in the now and work towards your better future. I truly wish you peace on your journey. We all find it in the end.