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It seems to me that lemmy.world is shaping up to the big one. Given how quickly Lemmy is updating (it being in it's infancy and all) means that until the sharp curve of QOL improvements tapers off, we're going to see more downtime on servers pretty much everywhere. This is exacerbated by lemmy.world being "the big one" because the massive influx of new users from reddit is slowing things down for us a bit. I'd say if you want to be a part of what feels like the "main" instance, lemmy.world is the way to go. However, untill we see the traffic and updates slow down a bit and normalize, there going to be some unreliability. Lemmy.ml is probably the next best bet for a large and reliable instance.
But you could join whatever server you want, and you'd have access and be able to communicate with any instance?
So what has to remain is certainty that your user credentials won't be stolen and that the uptime is good.
As I wrote in another post, maybe the better alternative is to encapsulate your own instance and sync across your devices. Encapsulate it in a device agnostic container.
Your user would be your own. It would always be up?
Maybe this would also help alleviate the traffic, since these servers (for now without commercialization) are running off of people's good will.