Transfem
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.
- Please follow the rules of the lemmy.blahaj.zone instance.
- Bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated.
- Gatekeeping will not be tolerated.
- Please be kind and respectful to all.
- Please tag NSFW topics.
- No NSFW image posts.
- Please provide content warnings where appropriate.
- Please do not repost bigoted content here.
This community is supportive of DIY HRT. Unsolicited medical advice or caution being given to people on DIY will result in moderator action.
Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.
To make such a request, at the start of the body of your post, not in the title, the first line should look like the this: [Requesting Engagement from _________]
Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
- Gender Spectrum // Resources for youth, parents and family, educators, mental health professionals and faith leaders.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
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Here is a reply I made to Alteon which I think adds helpful context. I do think some of their concerns had validity, even though I don't believe they applied to my situation. Also, thank you for moderating this community!
"Thanks for sharing your perspective. I read through your other comments as well. Thankfully, my wife is in a very solid place at the moment. I was able to take the first 2 months off work to help raise our child, and we made sure to make financial arrangements where she could take extended time off work before returning to her career. We haven't had any sort of "Mac and Cheese" moments like you mentioned. A big part of why I haven't already told her anything is because I wanted to be sure she felt secure and comfortable when we had this conversation.
Another thing I'd like to add is that having a child was a very difficult decision for me. Obviously it's a big deal for both of us, but she actually wanted a child. When she and I were dating, we agreed not to have children. About a year into our marriage, she changed her mind. We talked about it for years, and eventually we agreed to be a one-and-done family. I wanted her to be happy; I didn't want to deprive her of a child. Furthermore, I realised I would rather have her in my life with a child, than no child without her. She never gave me such an ultimatum, but I never wanted to get close to something like that. I certainly don't think I have "saddled" her in the way that word implies.
About this conversation we are planning to have. I do expect it to go well. I am not certain, but I expect it to. Part of the reason is I am not sitting her down to say, "this is how things are, deal with it." Like the rest of our relationship, we will have an open dialogue about what works best for us. I have made many sacrifices for her over the years, and I will happily make many more. She has done and will continue to do the same for me, even if it doesn't necessarily look the way I would hope it to. That is the nature of compromise.
If all that comes from this is that she knows about my dysphoria and the daily struggle it is for me so that I can confide in her about it, that's okay. Even better if she is fully supportive, but I want to continue having a relationship where we share our strengths and weaknesses with each other. This is the one piece of me that hasn't been shared.
If this makes me sound like an asshole, then I don't know what to say. Hope you continue having a nice day."
Alteons reply to you showed their true colours though. They weren't here to change their perspective. They were here to tell you off for being trans in a way they don't agree with.
This is frankly ridiculous.
I didn't come here to tell OP off for being trans at all. Not even remotely. And the fact that you deduce my post to simply being "transphobic" is insulting and flat out wrong.
I did however say that getting their spouse pregnant and having a kid before having this discussion with said spouse is a bit unfair to them. Nothing about that is transphobic, and frankly, it's rather frustrating that this is getting so blown out of proportion.
This is a much better reply than that person deserved.
You're clearly in a very communicative relationship and regardless of what happens, I feel it's going to go well.
You're a really cool person, Kayday. I'm glad you have such an open and caring relationship with your wife. Wishing you the best, I'm sure your talk will go great!