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[Update] Will properly come out to my wife of 6 years in the next week or so. Any advice is appreciated ✨️ (lemmy.world)

submitted 10 months ago by Kayday to c/[email protected]

22 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Link to my first post. When we were sharing our new year's resolutions with each other earlier this month, I told her I want to he more true to myself, and more honest with her. I told her she deserves that, and that I love her.

We have talked about having "a conversation" soon. For us, we understand this to mean at least 2-3 hours where we sit down intending to talk without being interrupted. Time has continued to get away from us as we are settling into being parents as well with a 2 month old.

We have each made mentions of, "the conversation", and how we haven't forgotten, just haven't had the right moment yet.

Girls, I am just so proud of myself for taking this step. Even though nothing has really happened yet, it feels like more has happened in the last month than in my entire life.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

What the fuck are you talking about?

Do you think that somehow being a trans woman makes you ineligible to be a parent as well? That a partner transitioning is always going to put some kind of unrecoverable hurdle in a relationship?

I’m fully supportive of people coming out and being more open and honest to themselves.

No you aren't. Fuck off LMFAO.

[+] Alteon 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Did I say anywhere in my comment that a trans-parent couldnt parent a kid? What the fuck are YOU talking about?

Your wife is still recovering from having a child, and being parents is already a HUGE life transition. You didn’t even give her the option of being able to walk away, instead you’ve saddled her with something that will permanently anchor you two together for better or for worse.

You said this as if OP isn't going to help parent their child.

It’d be one thing if they had this conversation before having a child, but OP didn’t.

No no, you're right, OP should just shut up and stayed closeted forever.

He’s

She's*

known about it for years (see his

her*

previous post), and instead of either a.) Opening up to her prior to getting pregnant, or b.) putting off getting pregnant until he

she*

Did I say anywhere in my comment that a trans-parent couldnt parent a kid? What the fuck are YOU talking about

btw lmao

was sure about it, he

she*

instead decided to continue hiding it and robbing her of any sort of choice in the matter.

yeah fuck you OP, stay in the closet.

Just because I’m not okay with robbing someone’s spouse of any sense of agency and choice in whether they want to continue to have kids with this person (i.e. baby trapping someone), doesn’t mean I don’t support people coming out and transitioning, so you can climb all the fucking way off my back on that one. OP still needs to be honest with her about it, but she’s 2 months post birth. What she needs right now is stability.

What is this narrative that having a kid with a trans person is ROBBING someone of agency?

Did I say anywhere in my comment that a trans-parent couldnt parent a kid? What the fuck are YOU talking about?

again lmao

My wife would have had a meltdown if there wasn’t Mac and cheese in the house at 2 months post pregnancy, I can’t even begin of imagine the levels of chaos that would be introduced at this point post-pregnancy.

A trans person transitioning isn't the burden of other people, fuck off with that noise. It doesn't take much effort at all to support your spouse in transitioning, and OP can continue to be a good spouse and parent while transitioning.

[–] Alteon 1 points 10 months ago

You said this as if OP isn't going to help parent their child.

No, never once did I say that. But don't let that impede your narrative.

No no, you're right, OP should just shut up and stayed closeted forever. Wow, if you finished my post, you'd see I never once said that either.

It's like your just angry that I'm not flat out supporting someone regardless of anyone that gets hurt in the process, OP made a selfish decision by deciding to get pregnant before having this conversation, and it really sucks that you're failing to grasp that. He should still absolutely come out...but, maybe wait until things have stabilized around the house a bit.

[+] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)

No shit? The fear of causing friction is the entire reason the OP posted this in the first place. The act of coming out to your partner is difficult and may cause issues yes, but to pretend it's going to immediately and ALWAYS ruin your relationship/marriage is asinine.

And even if it does ruin your existing relationship, living as yourself is always preferable to hiding your true self for the sake of a relationship where you act out a role.