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It's specifically that you seem to self-select based on possible definitions others might have on an identity that keeps you from taking on one that you might otherwise adopt.
Ah I see. Well I guess you kind of have a point there. Maybe in this case it's not so much about being ok with myself and more about not wanting other people to think I'm something I'm not or hold beliefs that I don't.
I feel like we just had an internet bro hug. Yay.
I know this stuff is confusing. I probably have some more experience with it than you based on my age. It was never easy and frankly was traumatic through my life. In the end, I started to see the people who would put me down as nothing more than insecure monkeys flinging their poo. Sadly, most people take their humanity for granted and don't try to elevate themselves--rather, they just let the ape part through more than necessary. My point? Fuck 'em, there's always going to be some idiot trying to ruin your day or your life because of their own personal issues. At some point, I feel like you have to stop caring or you will continue to feel hurt.
If I could have understood all of that when I was like 10, a whole lot of pain in my life would have been avoided. I had a bad combination of personality and sexuality in that I genuinely trusted the adults around me, believed that they were intelligent and educated, and that they acted in good faith always. Because of that posture, I listened to those who would discriminate against me. It took me decades to realize that I kept putting faith in people who never deserved it, especially my own family.