this post was submitted on 07 Jan 2024
757 points (97.9% liked)

The Onion

4564 readers
407 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
[email protected]
[email protected]
757
More Realistic Meat Substitute Made From Soy Raised In Brutally Cruel Conditions (www.theonion.com)
submitted 10 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
65 comments fedilink hide all child comments
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] [email protected] 36 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Rhubarb is grown in near complete darkness, and it screams as it grows towards a light it’ll never reach

Rhubarb cellars are metal. I forgot all about that.

[–] NielsBohron 21 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

There's some really great metal band names in here (IMHO).

  • Metalcore: Scream At A Light You'll Never Reach

  • Stoner: Rhubong and the Devil's Lettuce

  • Doom: Near Complete Darkness

  • Black: Rhübarb Screams

  • Death: Cellar Crop

  • Goregrind: Fed Shit and Kept in the Dark

  • Country/Folk Metal (aka Hank III): Rhubarb Wire Fences