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Don’t worry. Consciousness is immortal so you’ll be able to live as much time as you want as a disc of light or whatever.
So I wouldn't actually want to be stuck in it forever. It's hard to explain but my k-holes are quite dark and dreadful, it's what I explained in my previous comment except looping. I don't have a physical body anymore and I'm just a thought process floating through space in a stream of color. There's this creeking noise like a door opening that starts off real low pitch and slowly speeds up to the point it's high pich and extremely fast. Then it's like hitting a wall and you fly in to a million pieces an slowly gather yourself in that state and then it repeats.
It feels like that is what you have been since the beginning of time. It feels like a near death experience and when i come out some kind of reverse psychology goes on in my brain. I just think about how much it would suck if that was real. My depression goes away for quite awhile afterwards.
Whenever I do nitrous, I see this same truth. The truth is that the universe has four phases. Being high on nitrous and seeing the structure is one of the four states.
There’s some kind of four-phase clockwork thing chugging along. Normal existence I think is one of the states?
I can’t remember. All I can remember is being astounded, every time, that I’m back in the “aware of what’s going on phase”, and I struggle mightily to remember the lesson, knowing I won’t be able to because the next phase is defined by my ignorance of it.
It’s maddening.
I’d love to do some serious ketamine sometime. I did a little line at a party once in 2006 and that was for my ketamine experience. It was a tiny bump and didn’t really affect me much. Nothing even remotely psychedelic, that I recall.
At that same party I did a huge hit of fucking homemade habanero extract (on purpose) and that was way more mind-blowing.
K and nitrous... that's mothers love.