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I realized why I like friendships with lesbians (self.general)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by whaleross to c/general

39 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I'm a middle aged heterosexual man and I've been in various circles in my life where I've had lesbian friends and acquaintances. I was just thinking how much I've appreciated those interactions and how I currently miss having lesbians around me. Not because we stopped being friends, mind you, but due to my dynamic life and me being shit at staying in touch I've floated away from people that I appreciate.

Anyway, then I started thinking why is that? Am I fetishizing lesbians, craving what I can't get etc? I like women who are confident so is it a sexual or psychosexual thing? It made me a bit worried because that does not sound very nice, Freud and mothers and all that jazz... But then I realized that this is not why.

It's because they don't act and treat me like a man, like a male person, like a sexuality - but that for them I'm 100% a person. If I'm entertaining or funny or interesting, it's because I am entertaining or funny or interesting. No interference from deep rooted primate reproductive brain behaviour, and at the rare occasion it's popped up, it's something we can play off and dismiss.

Even though I have and always had women friends, it's a different thing. Regardless our relationship, I'm always a man. It's inescapable. My friendships with lesbians have always had this special vibe. It's like what I'd imagine a good sibling be like, but I wouldn't know because I'm a lone child.

Yeah, I miss that vibe.

Edit: thanks autocorrect

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[+] [email protected] -23 points 1 year ago (5 children)

I hate to say it, but I think you're massively overgeneralizing, if not actually stereotyping lesbians. Of course some gay women are going to treat you differently based on their sexual orientation (just like some straight women), but I have a hard time believing most people do this. Myself and the vast majority of the people I know don't.

It's because they don't act and treat me like a man, like a male person, like a sexuality - but that for them I'm 100% a person.

So... What about asexual women? The elderly? Prepubescent? trans women? I bet cis, gay, adult women aren't the only ones treating you differently. Obviously I don't know you, but I bet you're treating women you have no chance of having sex with differently---perhaps subconsciously. I genuinely believe if you woke up tomorrow and forgot that sexual orientation was a thing, you'd treat everyone the same and this difference would disappear. But that's just my 2 cents...

[–] whaleross 22 points 1 year ago

Well, my friend. I think on the other hand that you are massively overproblematizing and turning this about something entirely different. You're taking me sharing a positive insight about me and my friendships and forcing it into something ugly. I think you should maybe ask yourself why this is your reaction. Those are just my 2 cents.

[–] MataVatnik 13 points 1 year ago

No, OP is right. I had a similar experience. Not all, but I found I can relate to lesbians differently and it's because they see the world through a different lense. I don't feel like I'm being judged the same way as I am around straight women.

[–] TrickDacy 5 points 1 year ago

What a shitty take