this post was submitted on 21 Sep 2023
113 points (92.5% liked)

No Stupid Questions

35875 readers
2855 users here now

No such thing. Ask away!

!nostupidquestions is a community dedicated to being helpful and answering each others' questions on various topics.

The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:

Rules (interactive)


Rule 1- All posts must be legitimate questions. All post titles must include a question.

All posts must be legitimate questions, and all post titles must include a question. Questions that are joke or trolling questions, memes, song lyrics as title, etc. are not allowed here. See Rule 6 for all exceptions.



Rule 2- Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material.

Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material. You will be warned first, banned second.



Rule 3- Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here.

Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here. Breaking this rule will not get you or your post removed, but it will put you at risk, and possibly in danger.



Rule 4- No self promotion or upvote-farming of any kind.

That's it.



Rule 5- No baiting or sealioning or promoting an agenda.

Questions which, instead of being of an innocuous nature, are specifically intended (based on reports and in the opinion of our crack moderation team) to bait users into ideological wars on charged political topics will be removed and the authors warned - or banned - depending on severity.



Rule 6- Regarding META posts and joke questions.

Provided it is about the community itself, you may post non-question posts using the [META] tag on your post title.

On fridays, you are allowed to post meme and troll questions, on the condition that it's in text format only, and conforms with our other rules. These posts MUST include the [NSQ Friday] tag in their title.

If you post a serious question on friday and are looking only for legitimate answers, then please include the [Serious] tag on your post. Irrelevant replies will then be removed by moderators.



Rule 7- You can't intentionally annoy, mock, or harass other members.

If you intentionally annoy, mock, harass, or discriminate against any individual member, you will be removed.

Likewise, if you are a member, sympathiser or a resemblant of a movement that is known to largely hate, mock, discriminate against, and/or want to take lives of a group of people, and you were provably vocal about your hate, then you will be banned on sight.



Rule 8- All comments should try to stay relevant to their parent content.



Rule 9- Reposts from other platforms are not allowed.

Let everyone have their own content.



Rule 10- Majority of bots aren't allowed to participate here.



Credits

Our breathtaking icon was bestowed upon us by @Cevilia!

The greatest banner of all time: by @TheOneWithTheHair!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

What's your positive examples of men, fathers, friends, work colleagues, brothers, etc where they were or are emotionally available?

I feel in todays' society, men are pressured to fit into this image of having to be emotionless. Thus most of us grow up in empty homes with emotionally absent fathers. That sucks and I don't want my kids to have to suffer such such

I won't reply probably but I'm interested in your answers. Thanks in advance!

PS;nsfwAlso, this is why I often would indulge in watching porn - because I crave emotional connection/availability. But I don't need to have my mind cluttered with these images and so, hence I want to practice being emotionally self-aware, present and safe

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[โ€“] LavaPlanet 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

How connected are you with your own emotions and emotional needs? How do you go filling your own emotional needs in healthy ways? First and foremost you have to start there. Reconnect with your emotions, sit with them, every day, and just really listen to them. You don't have to do what they say, but they're an important form of communication from your instincts and human needs, to you and for you. Your emotions are for you.

Emotions are kinda like, when you put your hand in the shower before you get in, to test the heat, imagine ignoring that, wouldn't go well. Emotions come up to tell you something about your environment and what you need from that environment.

Sometimes your emotions just need reassurance. If you're in the practice of ignoring your emotions, they get loud, and eventually fester, so it's important to listen to them, validate them, acknowledge them, and then they usually move on, that's all emotions want. if it's an inconvenient emotion for your situation, acknowledge it, notice it without judgement, remind yourself that you are not your emotions, you are the entity observing your emotions, and that one doesn't serve you right now, thank it and let it go.

Connecting with your own emotions in a healthy way and sharing them, is part of emotionally connecting with others.

The other part is connecting with their emotions and caring for those. Make space for people to have emotions, all of them, be curious about people's emotions, ask questions, validation their experience (because all emotions are valid, regardless if they're showing up at what is considered by some as the "right time")

When someone is talking about their emotions they may want you to validate and acknowledge, sometimes people fall into the trap of trying to "fix" the issue associated with the emotion or situation causing the emotion, but actual emotional connection is validating and acknowledges that emotional response and making space for it to exist.

Imagine the emotions people are feeling are like a huge meal they've painstakingly cooked and put all their effort into. If someone came along and said it was bad or threw it straight in the bin, that would be really dejecting. Take time to work through each piece of emotion that crop up in a situation, for people around you, and the effort and energy that comes along with each step, like you would ask how they make each part of the dish, break it down to beginning to now, in process. You don't want to just sweep it off the table. When did the emotion start, go back to then, and then relate, you can understand feeling like that, and it's understandable for anyone and just leave space for them to talk. People are kinda using others to emotionally regulate, so letting them know their emotions are welcome and safe to express and validating them, makes them see you as a safe person.

It all starts with connecting with your own emotions, so practice makes perfect, keep at it!

[โ€“] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

THABK YOU! I've made it a habit as an adult/teen to run from my feelings, and boy its caught up with me. Its scary seeing my own teens making similar mistakes, too...