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I fucking hate Christmas. (self.casualconversation)

submitted 3 days ago by NineMileTower to c/[email protected]

57 comments fedilink hide all child comments

On December 24th, 2008 I was almost 21 and drinking wine at my Grandma's house with my family. We were having a good time. I don't really talk to that side of the family anymore though. I got a phone call from my best friend, Kyle. I joking let my uncle answer. Kyle asked to talk to me. He sounded angry.

The next few words he said were like a a fucking nuclear bomb that seared my fucking brain for life. He said, "NineMileTower, Steve died (in Iraq). A bridge gave out, his hummer flipped, and he drowned."

That was in 2008. I'm 37 now. I have two beautiful girls and an amazing wife. I think of Steve all the time. I ask myself, "Why do I deserve these amazing kids, wife and life, and he had to die?"

I fucking hate Christmas. I hate the stupid music. I hate fake bullshit decorations. I hate that I'm supposed to pretend that every Christmas it doesn't fucking kill me that he isn't here. I'm here enjoying my kids and their holiday and he's dead.

I fucking hate Christmas.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago (2 children)

I don' thind it matters who you talk to. I think that if noone in your life wants to listen or talk about how you feel, then you should get some new people in your life who will.

[–] chonglibloodsport 2 points 3 days ago

I’ve spent many hours on the therapist’s couch and in group therapy. They’ve taught me mindfulness strategies that work on processing how I feel. This has made life dramatically simpler for me. The hard part in life for me now is just the one that’s always been hard: food, rent, bills. As for all other feelings? I know what I want and what to do about it. I’m very much at peace.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago (1 children)

You can't get a new family