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Advice request: How do I stop venting to people? (self.general)

submitted 1 month ago by dingus to c/general

16 comments fedilink hide all child comments

When I'm frustrated or anxious or upset, I vent to the few friends I have. This is a negative coping mechanism as it damages our relationships. I also experience extreme remorse after doing so, which further perpetuates it because I'm constantly asking to be forgiven.

Earlier this year I tried to see a therapist and ask for advice on this. She dismissed me and said that it's ok to do that and you can't simply keep everything inside.

She was incorrect and was also a shitty therapist for various reasons (she was 15-30 minutes late to each session and just dismissed anything I said).

I'm hopefully trying again with a new therapist soon, but I need advice in the meantime. It is actively damaging my relationships.

"Journaling" is not an option because I can't stop what I'm doing at work to go journal something whenever the need arises.

Thanks all. I can delete on request if needed.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

"Journaling" is not an option because I can't stop what I'm doing at work to go journal something whenever the need arises.

I don't quite understand this point. Do you stop what your doing at work in order to vent to your friends?

If not,it seems like you could wait until after work to journal.

[–] dingus 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

I work with my one and only IRL friend. The other friends are online. So I vent to my IRL friend while we are working.

Plus writing stuff down doesn't seem to help me anyway.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Oh okay.

Well, I don't know the answer. Sounds like you're going to have to find some way to internalize the feelings and engage some coping mechanisms, so that you can file it away emotionally.

Maybe some breathing exercises, or taking a brief moment to meditate quietly in your chair. Or talk it out with your internal voice, which I think is what I do.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

My suggestion is to get away from people, if even for 5 minutes. Go outside, go up or down in an inside stairwell that never gets used (think fire exit), or an unused room (supply, conference) and just say something like "what the actual fuck!". Take a deep breath and remember, that people who piss you off are just stupid people. And they will do it again. I vent at home alone, talking to myself. That way no one gets subjected to my toxic mood and I feel better. It also helps me process what the stupid people were trying to do, and why their parents wasted so much DNA. And enables me to decide how and if I want to react in the future. Talking to your friends long after the incident is a much healthier situation because you, and they (if they were present), are calmer and you can have a discussion as opposed to a venting/bitching session. Also, keep this in the back of your mind, "is there a solution to this issue?". The other way to vent with friends is to just ask, "can I vent for 5 minutes?", and then literally set a timer if they agree. And be sure to give them 5 minutes of your time to vent. Try very hard not to do this daily with people. Seeing a better therapist is a very good idea, They should be able to give you tools to cope. If they can't, find someone better. Good luck.