this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2024
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People aren't honest enough with each other and their own needs. Meanwhile we build other dependencies in long term relationships that have nothing to do with physical attraction, but are in most cases more important for all kinds of reasons.
Monogamy is the basis of a lot of unnecessary suffering because it's resisting a very real need we continue to have even when our relationships become romantically stagnant. If we could all just be honest about it with our SOs without fear, and work together as we do anyway to maintain other commitments to each other, we could have a culture where there's a lot more freedom to seek more intimacy and love in a way that isn't dishonest, that isn't "cheating".
I've never understood the concept of cheating in general. Basically what a person says is that they don't want their significant other to experience any kind of intimacy or sexual relationships with any other person except for them for the rest of their lives.
I've always seen that as kinda unfair.
On the other hand if I'm in a relationship I typically don't feel the need or desire to have relations with any other person even when the opportunity presents itself.
I have a friend though that is hopelessly in love with his girlfriend but regularly engages in sexual relations with other women. For him, it's not an emotional activity, it's just a physical one.
But you're absolutely right open honest communication is absolutely key.
Wonder how it would work out if his gf reularly engaged in sex with anyone she wanted for a physical activity.
I don't think the relationship would continue "working".
I would be uncomfortable with my partner hooking up with a stranger. That's a betrayal of our shared values, and creates risks for both of us (e.g. unwanted pregnancy, STDs, and general drama that could create a lot of unnecessary stress). I would rather know that she has fallen for someone we're both know preferably, and who she loves and believes she can trust implicitly. I would still feel a healthy amount of jealousy, and be worried about thing going wrong, and her being hurt. But I would trust her judgment, and trust she won't run away and leave me to raise our kid on my own. But yeah, the sex, and intimacy in this case, wouldn't bother me too much.