this post was submitted on 18 Jun 2024
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To quote my parents whenever I was being disciplined for something immature, "Act your age, not your shoe size."
Big Foot spreading propaganda again
Now there's a ridiculous conspiracy theory I could get behind; shoe sizes aren't real, it's all a conspiracy by Big Foot to sell more shoes
Big Foot actually being a catchall term for major shoe manufacturers is one of my new favorite things.
Maybe they started the ape-man Bigfoot rumors to distract people from the true evil of Big Foot.
So, when I was 15, wouldn't age and shoe size been the same? I find 15 year olds are somehow dumber than 7 year olds......
You wore size 15 shoes at the age of 15?
.........did you not? Physically by that age I was pretty done growing. Well. Except my stomach. I'm 40 now, and it keeps growing. But what am I SUPPOSED to do? STOP eating delicious bacon double cheeseburgers????!!!
Well.....actually, yeah. Turns out theres a new trend males getting colon cancer at younger ages. Look, I accepted that those foods weren't healthy. But I was always taught that the risk was you get real fat, and have heart problems later in life. NOBODY EVER SAID IT WAS GOING TO BE CANCER!!!
Well, yeah. Turns out cancer. So now I can't eat my favorite foods as much. Like.......drastically cut them out of my life. So instead of 3-4 cheeseburgers a day, now I have like one a month......and I went a whole year without them.
Guys. I think the FDA is letting things slip when my doctor went through 80-90% of my grocery shopping reciept and said "All of this needs to go. Most things pre-packed at the grocery store needs to go. I'm not even a fan of these cereals you bought."
God dammit, food. Why are you so delicious, but want to kill me? I just want to eat a hot dog injected with a glazed donut, fill the donut hole with a bite size snickers (sooooo .......after shrinkflation, basically a regular size bar), deep fry the whole thing as a corndog, and feel all warm inside as I somehow don't develop diabetes.......which is weird, because I'm fatter than my dad, who has diabetes, yet somehow my blood sugar is healthier. Even my doctor is like "You ate HOW much sugar, and have healthy blood sugar???? Dafuq???"
I don't understand it either.
this is by design
they allow small amounts of poison in food, then explicitly tell people it's poison through the media
there are articles about how people use energy drinks mysteriously die sooner while the ingredients iinclude B-12 in a form bonded to cyanide
there are too many people on the planet, it's causing global warming, and we need to find any way possible to reduce the population so we are less likely to all die
this is a very fair way of doing it. cigarettes will kill you, don't smoke them, available in stores everywhere. YOLO, keep drinking until you get liver failure. why not have some delicious highly processed fake food with gut bacteria killing preservatives that will fuck your stomach microbiome? all of the poisons take years to kill you because frogs boiled slowly don't jump out of the pot
it's awful but at least fair. we all get to "choose" and I put that in quotes because free will doesn't exist. I say this as someone who consumes poison and can't entirely stop despite knowing the consequences.
a good rule of thumb: if it's processed, it's poison, if it won't rot within a week unrefrigerated, it's poison, if you feel very high and happy immediately following consuming it, it's poison
it's hard because the right thing to do is drink water and eat vegetables and legumes and fresh things... but it's hard because they have made food in a way in which addictive drugs are integrated into the food, and it's not called that
i know that coffee is for stupid people, but i drink it anyway because im addicted. i end up in pain and miserable and just say "fuck it" and it makes my health worse.
That frog thing is false btw
really?