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I'm sick of my life and I don't know what to do (self.casualconversation)

submitted 5 months ago by BuckenBerry to c/[email protected]

29 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I (20M) was never really a social person and spendy my middle school alone but I was able to make some friends in high school

However, ever since I started my Bachelors I've struggled to make friends.

I've tried joining clubs or participating in events but even when I do manage to have successful conversations I can't manage to turn that into a friendship. Considering how the year just ended I'm not going to have a chance

I never minded being alone when I was younger but my loneliness is really starting to really affect me.

I've lost any internet in watching tv shows or movies or playing any games, I can't find the motivation to study and always feel tired.

I've also started to constantly fantasize about being in a romantic relationship and worry about if I'll be alone for the rest of my life despite the fact that I've never had any interests in relationships or even an IRL crush.

I also have a porn addiction that's growing worse and I'm worried about its long term effects on me.

I've also never had any online friends before which means I don't know where to start.

I really need help.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Internet forums, TV shows, movies, and videogames are fun, but they're not a good substitute for talking to real live humans, especially your peers of the similar age and background.

You gotta put yourself in some place where you meet the same people consistently to become friends with them.

It takes on average 8 encounters with conversations to become someone's friend, so you have to be consistently there over a period of time.

Go volunteer anywhere, get a menial job anywhere. Especially if it's something you think you'll hate, you'll learn something and at least you'll be interacting with people.

You're in college, and you should be thinking about your future. Summer is no time to waste, and you should be (or should have been) looking into internships in some career field that you're interested in. Again, don't turn your nose up at a company or type of work that isn't the latest and greatest, because you'll learn something by doing anything. If you have free housing with supportive parents, you can even ask a company to intern for free just to get in to some experience in a field that you're interested in. Or maybe not interested in. For example, you might like computers, but you might find work on a farm or veterinary clinic and find out that you like animals even more.

When you do go back to school:

Does your college have a cafeteria on campus? Spend some time at the same one, every class day, for lunch and/or dinner, (preferably both) and join the same group at the same table. You'll probably recognize people in some classes you're taking, and you can use that as an "in" to get conversations started. Or even just overhearing people talking about something you're interested in, in which case, just join in.

[–] Today 2 points 5 months ago

What this person said about consistency. Also, you have to get outside. Find a library, coffee shop, Taco stand, anything that you can do to at the same time one or two days each week. You'll begin to see the same people. A wave can become polite chatting. Even if it's something really superficial like weather or traffic, that's how it begins. No one makes a best friend in one day. Be patient but proactive. You're young - you'll find your people.