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I don't mean "sleeping around" literally, I just didn't know what phrase to use to describe just kind of not doing any out-of-box activity and missing opportunities around you in general.
I did this too much it kind of affects some of my personal life negatively atm.
Context: I'm hope-to-be international student
I'm whining I have so little time to prepare for college admissions but... I could literally start preparing 2 years ago but I didn't know I could study abroad at the time. Which is, kind of the dumbest assumption I made in my life. Have I never seen a single international student? Why would they not let you enroll? Why I decided I couldn't study abroad for some reason? Why I took the words of the principal or family for a topic like that, they literally can't speak English? Worse, I got really upset for not being able to study abroad for two years bc it was like my dream - this combined with some others factors made a few years of high school a mental hell for me
I could attend an international high school that would help with the process but I (literally this time) slept around instead of researching high schools.
I didn't learn German even though I set that myself as a goal before, now I can't apply to German universities, which would be free so I wouldn't be stressed for getting scholarships right now
My examples are academic only but similar stuff exist in my social life as well, or like any other area
And time passes so fast I feel the pressure on my shoulders to not sleep around at least because I know I'll regret that later on

money hungry ladder climber

I think this is pretty close to my life outlook right now. I really don't have any dream like that tbh 😭

I'm aware of this effect. And I can say I'm pretty better positioned than many people I know irl. But I can still find people to envy to.
I'm also really materialistic in my world view recently. I think I'd want prestige and money and validation over anything else. Not sure how correct this thinking is but I don't think I really have anything else to look up to^___^

You seem to have figured it out at least. Happy for you!

I think my life goal is getting myself satisfied. Just getting more achievements to boost ego, and feeling pride etc.
Idk that's just how life looks like to me. I don't even seem to care about much else

And that entire time I could think about anything but how little I’ve done with my life. How boring I must sound talking to anyone because I have zero experiences. But about 8 years ago, I got diagnosed and medicated.

I'm suffering from a similarly-caused "unexperiencedness" of but thankfully I could get out it before it in just two years - which is really still long enough to make you feel missing out. I have far fewer to tell people about but thankfully I still manage to be somewhat interesting most of the time, especially recently. On unrelated note, tips on how to build experiences and things to talk about post-recovery, or mitigate the effect of effectively doing nothing in the last years?
I definitely think of what would happen if I just, you know, didn't get depressed at all and worked on myself.

If I don't compare myself I think I'll miss out from seeing some fundamental perspective. I benefitted so much from comparing myself with people after that unlucky period. But the unhealthy comparisons I made during that period made me go all the way downhill. It probably depends a lot on how you view it.

Yes I have no claim that they're special people. I can see myself being close that or just be that if I actually changed some (I mean, a lot of) stuff in the past
I'm worried because I end up like some of those people. And time is passing really fast. Even years don't feel as long now. I think college will start and end before I realize it

I hope you're right. I don't think I'm doing enough to get into the state where I'm satisfied for the moment.
Of course I'm doing a lot in general (and definitely outlast my past by far) but everyone does, especially at my age. It feels more like the rate of growth that is important here.
And I want to "undo" mistakes. I want to work harder and do something so I can "catch up", perhaps not even a real person but the person I'd be if I spent my time productively. That's why comparing with myself doesn't feel satisfying

Relatable in everything you mentioned

Like how the fuck do you run a startup? I have a goddamn master’s degree and I can’t figure out how to register a business let alone run one

Yes, I really feel like this is not something that is gained by conventional wisdom. And it's sad because when you ask people to explain, literally "tell me", they give some useless answer all the time

It's not really about being happy or sad. I just want to be like these people. I don't think this by itself would really help with what I'm looking for. I'd rather be unsatisfied instead of being satisfied without growth as well.

Also, I indeed went through some mental shittery in the past. I'm also kind of feeling the title because I was being an absolutely unproductive shit for two years in the prime years of my youth. Like, all that over literally nothing. Nothing that makes the slightest sense.
I think I successfully came over it though. Proud for that, but the time wasted won't come back. You'd think I won't let my time wasted like that again

Would you ever have arrived at these conclusions yourself if you had never seen these “successful” people around you?

I wasn't really content with my life in general when I didn't start to hear about the successful people either. I mean, it's pretty rare to see I am content with myself in general. But if I didn't hear about them I'd assume that's just what it is I guess

You’re seeing what is theoretically possible if your life was set up in another way i.e. you were a different person. But you’re not. All these people you’re seeing around you had very specific upbringing, opportunities, genetics etc etc all of which you’re not privy to.

Honestly it was perfectly possible I could go back in time and just not mess up some things and be perfectly close to whatever people I envy on. I could count not-so-hard-to-miss mistakes and it'd take forever to finish. I didn't really miss anything that others had, perhaps some guidance. But I think it is up to me to guide myself. Like, it's not like my parents are supposed to guide me for everything, nor teachers or friends etc. So I consider being unguided as a "me problem" as well

As perspective, 99% of people never do anything like the stuff you mentioned in their life. And many of these people live a very content and happy life. Are 99% of people wasting their life? Only the ones that aren’t content?

I think it's kind of a perspective thing. I just feel like I need these for myself because of personality or traits etc. Others might not.

I just gave a few examples. They're just doing something that is good for them, good for people around you, and definitely fulfilling. Especially contrasting with what I've been doing while these were happening.
It's not that I don't want to work. I really do. I actually worked a lot as well but I worked on stuff that doesn't help me. I'm very ambitious
I don't know what to do. But I can kind of point out with my finger towards what I'm looking for